4 year old will not eat or listen half the time....?

Question

he will be 4 in early january...i know, typical preschooler problems, but he is literally living on a bite of eggs or 4 raspberries or 3 bites of a carrot stick. when i ask him what he wants, he'll tell me but then not eat it so i can't keep making something just for him, it doesn't work anyway. and, for example, this morning i asked him to get dressed for school (he fully knows how to dress himself) he screamed, threw things, hid in the bathroom, sat outside of his door...the only way i can eventually get things done is to take things away (today he gets no tv)...it always feels like negative stuff i am using to deal with his defiance but i can't allow him to think this behavior is acceptable. he is also not permitted sweets or treats now because he will not eat meals. at the end of my rope? any advice is appreciated :)

Answer 1

Me and you are in the same boat my daughter will be four next month and she has just started doing this kind of stuff. I think you have a good idea about not letting him have snacks because he wont eat his dinner and no tv thats basically what I have been doing with my daughter. Even though you feel guilty when he wont eat and you want to just say here have the chips eat something for crying out loud you are letting him know eat your dinner or go hungry pretty soon they will know I better eat or Iam going to feel hungry the rest of the day. And for me and my daughter taking away tv is big because she has so many favorite shows. Anyway lets hang in there and hope this is just a passing phase.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are doing the right things. First, take him to the doc to make sure he's healthy and heavy enough..and honestly, to be covered. Then, continue to deny sweets, because like any diet, sweets are a waste of calories. If he eats a handful at a meal, but has curbed his appetite with sugar, that's bad. No sweets.

With the tantrums, I would guess that you are not consistent enough. If you give in to some tantrums, he logs that in the back of his mind. He knows...okay..one time, screaming my head off embarassed mom and she gave me what I wanted. I will try that again. NEVER say no unless you mean no. Then, if you say no, and decide you should not have, that is tooooo bad. Stick with the no. Kids at his age are always seeing what they can make you do, how far they can push...and what they can get away with.

Every time you give in to a tantrum, or take back a 'no', you just bought yourself ten more tantrums.

Good luck.

PS...try positive reinforcement as well. Dessert if he eats a reasonable sized meal. Tv if he goes to school nicely in the am, he gets an hour of tv after school. Make a chart for the areas you want to work on most.

Kids neeeeeeed routine. They don't understand that one day they go to bed at 8 and then the next at 10. Or that if they fuss one time, they get what they want...not the next.

Answer 3

He does this stuff because you let him. Its caused by inconsistant behavior, and thinking that begging him, or ignoring it will make it go away.

He knows how to act, and he should be held accountable for not acting like he should. Remind him always how he should act, just in pasing. "Big boys help their mommies and always get dressed int he morning for school, iam so glad you're such a big boy." or "grown up kids dont throw fits, its so ugly and wrong, iam so glad you can use words instead of throwing a fit like a baby". You should always be talking to him when he's good, to remind him of how good he is, and how that behavior is different from wrong behavior.

Once he does act up, dont play the "iam being serious Tom, get dressed now or mommy is going to take away the tv, iam serious" "Stop throwing a fit timmy, mommy's really getting angry" None of that bull crap. He acts up, swat his but, or pick him up and sit his butt on a time out chair, whichever meathod youre comfortable with.

And be consistant about it. At the FIRST sign of not listening he gets in trouble. No begging, no reminding, to asking, no threats, TIME OUT OR A SPANKING.

Its not going to magically change some day as he gets older just because now you take away the TV and the phone and friends.. it doesnt work like that. This behavior is being ground into him, and it will only get worse until you get serious and are consistant about not allowing him to behave that way.

As far as the eating goes, thats a toddler thing. Theyre very busy with their new world, and their stomachs are incredibly small. He will not starve himself. But you can start making him understand that meal time is meal time. Make him a plate of food, sit him in front of it while you eat your meal. He has to sit there until meal time is over. Even if he doesnt want to eat anything.

Dot beg him to eat, dont FORCE him to eat, dont make an issue out of it. Eating is natural, you dont need to panic and make it into a battle of wills. I promise you he will win if you do, as you can already see. He will not starve, he'll simply get hungry.

If he doesnt eat, fine. He can get down when meal time is over. Plastic wrap the plate and stick it in the fridge. No more food until the next meal time. If he doesnt want to eat at that meal time, fine, he can eat at the next. If he eats off the plate at all, throw it out when he's done and give him a new meal for the next meal.

Once you stop making it an issue, and stop making it a battle of wills he'll get over it. he'll eat when he's hungry. Stop catering to him. You're not a line cook and your kitchen isnt a diner. You're mom and you make him a meal thats good for him, and if he doesnt want it, he doesnt have to eat.

It sounds harsh, but its honestly the quickest easiet way.

You'll be amazed what your kids will or wont do if theyre not given the option.

Answer 4

my son will also be 4 in january. he was the same as yours. would not eat, wouldn't listen. everything i said fell on deaf ears. he threw a tantrum and would nag all the time to get his way. he KNEW it drove me over the edge. i had to bribe him to get him to listen to me in public. it was really really bad. i couldn't see it before when he was younger, but i realized that i didn't consistently follow through with my punishments for him when he was younger, and he learned to manipulate me. i felt i had to take drastic measures to "regain control" so i started spanking him, a good hard swat on the butt each time he didn't listen. i would then follow up with an explanation. i would tell him to do something like pick up his toys and if he didn't do it, i would spank him. after he was done with his task i would tell him why he got spanked and remind him that he needs to listen to me the FIRST time i tell him something. i won't lie, it was really hard to fight the will of a toddler during this transition period but it was sooooooo worth it. i also have him say "yes mommy" afterwards. i stopped yelling at him when i was frustrated with him. we show eachother mutual respect and he knows now what is expected of him and what he can expect from me. it was a real challenge for both of us for about a month or two, but after that everything became so much easier and i can honestly say we are both happier as mother and son.
oh, by the way he also eats his food now too when i tell him to.

i know spanking isn't the answer for a lot of parents but it was for me. i didn't "abuse" him and he is NOT afraid of me. today, i hardly ever have to spank him anymore.

good luck to you.