Hi, I've gone through a lot lately (as you'll have probably seen from previous questions!).. my ex-wife is making it pretty clear she doesn't want me to be a part of my daughters life, constantly making things difficult when i try to arrange to see my daughter, not giving me a chance to be 50% parent in decision making and constantly putting her own needs before my daughters. For example, this weekend instead of my "Xmas" with Kianah, my ex-wife has said she wants Kianah to spend 27th onwards with her auntie instead of me, her natural daddy. She's done this through the solicitor so i await the written version. My ex-wife doesn't want to communicate on anything to do with our daughter to me as an adult. I don't want to be with my ex any more, she's moved on and I'm happy for her, but my interests are in my daughter who i love so much its untrue (i travelled 600 miles this weekend to spend quality time with her). Do i seek custody? Kia says she's unhappy being down there away from me.
2006-11-27 01:30:37 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Call me old fashioned, if you like, but i believe we both brought that little girl into the world and no matter what situation she or I am in now, our daughter deserves as much lovely and quality time from BOTH parents not just Sam and her new partner. I'm sure it would be much better for my ex if I were "out the way" but I love my daughter too much and will never let go of my little girl.
2006-11-27 01:32:41 · update #1
Hi all, thanks for your supportive responses it means the world to me. Kianah is 4, so quite young.. me and my ex raised her well for the first 3 yrs of her life and for the past 11 months she's been in Torquay, i'm in Cambridgeshire (my ex took her down there). I have Joint Rights order through the solicitor but actually feeling like i have joint rights is another matter altogether. Some days my ex will not even speak to me even though she knows its about arranging a time to pick up my little girl. My ex managed to cut her sons dad out of the picture successfully, he's now 9 (i raised him too for the 4 yrs we were together). I will not end up like that guy did though. By the way, pics of my weekend with Kia are at http://www.kianah.co.uk Thanks again for your advice, all of you.
2006-11-27 01:51:46 · update #2
Flashpro: thanks for your comments, i'm paying 325 pounds a month to ensure Kianah is well fed, clothed and schooled. I do have a paper that has been signed through the courts for my access rights but these are specific holiday dates. I understand if my ex tries to break these i've got rights to see my little girl regardless. Its more the other times of seeing her i wish were made more simple and more amicable. I don't talk to Kia about the situation much, only i answer her questions and never bad mouth her mother, as she grows up i'll let her make up her own mind about how her mum is treating this situation. My goal has been to ensure my little girl knows i love her more than anything.. i tell you i'll be VERY worried when my ex gives birth to her 3rd child in the summer next yr, because she will no doubt make things even more difficult now she has a new family "unit". *sigh* Thank again all of you!
2006-11-27 02:22:12 · update #3
I think your ex's behaviour is deplorable, it is not for her to make a decision like that, your child deserves both parents even if one is closer, geographically, than the other.
My ex and I have gone through a lot of crap, she took me to court for more money, didn't get any though, thankfully one thing she has never done has denied our daughter seeing me and spending weekends with me and my new partner, whom I marry next month.
The only thing I can suggest is the legal route but I doubt you'd get residency unless you can prove she is an unfit mother. the cost may also be prohibitive. But they wil at least be able to order that you have rights as well and put together a visiting timetable.
how can she say she has your daughter's best interests in mind by stopping you seeing her, this makes me sick.
2006-11-27 01:38:27 · answer #1 · answered by RRM 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer and protect yourself. Go to : fathersrights.com(i think) and get some legal help and advice. Unless you've show some kind of reason your an unfit father, she can't keep you from your child. Get the law behind you, then if she doesn't comply he could lose her custody/priveleges.Let me ask this...are you paying support? If not you need to.But if you try for joint custody, you will have the child 50/50 monitarily. This means whoever makes more money, will pay the other some, depending on the gap. How you go about it is up to you, but get some legal help or there isn't a damn thing you can do. you will give her comlpete control. Since the child resides with her and you have no agreement and your paying no support(if you aren't I don't know) YOU could get in trouble with the law if you try to change the situation outside the courtroom.
2006-11-27 02:15:01 · answer #2 · answered by flashpro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't correct this problem. It's been going on for too many years and he's not going to change. This is who he is. Do you love him enough to stay on the bottom of his list and always see other women come first in his life and you come last? The problem is, you have a low self esteem and that's the reason why you have been putting up with him treating you this way for the past 2.5 years. Don't you think you deserve to have a man in your life that puts YOU FIRST? Life is too short for you to waste any more time on this guy. Let him go. He probably won't even miss you when you're gone, because he has his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend who are always there for him.
2016-05-23 09:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your ex-wife should not be able to have the final say on whether or not you get to see your daughter. You have rights as a father. Not only is your ex being selfish, she is hurting Kia, when it's obvious her goal is to hurt you.
YES, you must go to court and get at least joint custody of her, or a visitation schedule. If at all possible, move closer to them. The court will take into consideration the 600-mile gap between you, but this doesn't change your legal rights. Do not let this woman remove your child from your life. Fight for her.
2006-11-27 01:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by Rebecca 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rob all im gonna say is my honest opinion, and I don't give a rats behind what woman on here likes it. First off, I've been noticing plenty of guys in your situation, The conclusion I've come to is that women want it all, the house, cars, money, and when there good and bored, they want "trophy" children. I personally am married, but will "not" have children. Why? because god forbid my wife wakes up on the wrong side of the bed one day, she will then decide to ruin my life like most women are doing, it's a fact. They think they can control a man by using their children as pawns, its sickening. Here is what you need to do. Your daughter needs to go to counseling with you and explain why she dislikes it down there, and wants to be with you. If you can prove that you can provide for her, you'll win in court, my friend did exactly this. I will pray for you man as well as all the other guys I know with this headache. Do yourself a favor, dont' have any more kids, and don't get married again. Best of luck I think you'll get custody. It's important that your daughter go with you to lawyer or counselor ok?
2006-11-27 01:46:07 · answer #5 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, go to court and get a visitation schedule. Also, be sure that you have joint legal custody. That way she must communicate with you and if she chooses not to then you keep a journal of everything that is happening and keep taking her back to court if need be. I know that will get a little pricey - but remember it is for the best interest of your daughter. After returning to court several times I am sure the judge will see the pattern she has set and will side with you. That may take some time and some pushing on your part but in the end it will be well worth it.
If you daughter is truly miserable - and you have the means to support her full time and she wants to be with you- why not go for full custody? I am not sure how old your daughter is but the court will take that into consideration and if she is old enough the judge will even bring her into his chambers and talk with her to see what she wants and he will use that when making his decision.
Good luck, keep fighting for your rights and God Bless you and your little girl!
2006-11-27 01:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by Just asking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate it when children become a pawn in a battle of wits between ex partners. You have every right to see your daughter but the reality of the situation is that you are probably looking at a lengthy and expensive legal battle to assert your rights as her father.
Have you tried mediation? If that has failed then your only option is to keep trying to see your daughter and let the family courts decide what is in her best interests. Generally speaking, they do tend to side with the mother in these situations (which I think is completely unfair - each case should be judged on its own merits) but your ex would have to have a really good reason for not allowing you contact - such as a risk to your daughter's health, safety and wellbeing.
It's difficult, but try not allow yourself to become embroiled in a bitter custody battle. Keep things calm, and above all, focus on your daughter's best interests at all times.
Don't bad mouth her mother - especially not to your daughter, and just make sure she knows that she has a daddy that loves her and who is trying his best to see her. That, I'm afraid, is all you can do until the courts decide on an appropriate course of action.
*edit* Have just seen the pics of your beautiful daughter Rob, they are lovely - however, whilst I appreciate you are a loving and proud father, I would have serious reservations about displaying her pictures in a public domain - you never know what weirdos are lurking about.
2006-11-27 01:44:40 · answer #7 · answered by Witchywoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not old fashioned,in fact,you are a breath of fresh air.
You clearly love your daughter and you are right in saying that a child deserves 2 parents in their lives.
Your daughter did not ask for her parents to divorce and she did not ask to have to choose between her mum and dad so to put her through all this unnecessary bickering is unfair and mean.
I understand that your x-wife has moved on and met another man and thats great for her but she has to understand that you are a willing father who wants contact with his daughter.
If your x-wife wants to involve the courts then there is not much you can do other than go to every meeting and show willingness and show you are eager to keep contact with your daughter.
Depending on where you live popping into a citizens advice centre and seek advice on your rights as a father may also assist you.
I really do hope you seek the answers you are looking for and i hope it works out for you
2006-11-27 01:57:24 · answer #8 · answered by freerange00720002000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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For women in particular, texting can end up being a fun “game” where they can do or say anything (even things they would never do in the “real” world). Texting is non confrontational. Odds are your relationship ended on a heated note. I don’t know why you and your ex broke up, but there was probably at least one (if not a few dozen) big fights. Done properly (the way I’m going to teach you), texting is simple and subtle. You can slowly feed your ex tested and proven messages and ideas without the risk of either one of you flying off the handle, falling back into old and destructive patterns, and throwing plates at each other.
2016-02-13 05:35:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good on ye for being a proper dad!! When my ex-wife and I split eight years ago - I was absolutely gutted and the thought of being a 'part-time dad' to my 2yr old daughter filled me with so much anguish and hatred for my ex! She told me that her new fella wanted to adopt MY little princess - I could've spent a long time behind bars for what I did next - I'm not proud of it - but she got the message!
We agreed, via solicitors, that I should see her for a full weekend every two weeks. Two weeks in the summer, a week at Christmas and Easter. She tried to pull a fast one several times. I contacted my solicitor and he sorted it out. She now realises that I am a proper DAD and will be for the rest of my life. We are friends now and she knows that I am a good dad and support her both financially and emotionally. I know that is true because of the love I get from my daughter in return.
Don't hesitate to contact a solicitor - father's get a rough deal where OUR kids are concerned. Be careful, though, don't use Kia as a weapon. Your ex will need to prove that you are an unfit parent and are not capable of looking after Kia to prevent access.
Kia doesn't want to upset either of you so will say that she prefers to be with you and then at her mum's, she'll say that she prefers time with her - she loves you both. Don't force her to cchoose! Be prepared to fight for time with her however, don't deny her time with her mother. She'll resent you for it - she'll hate her mother for denying time with her dad!!
Fight for your rights until you have no breath left in your body.
Please feel free to e-mail me and let me know how you get on! Chin up!!
2006-11-27 02:11:13 · answer #10 · answered by Fin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋