if your mums boyfriend confesses he gay whist out rat catching with u should she be told?

Question

we have worked together on and off catching rats and so forth and he confessed he liked men and had been caught as a toilet trader in his youth by a wokinham district toilet inspectors.he said it was the rush he enjoyed more like killing his first rat.he promised me not to say anything.i'm now worried he still partakes in these activies whist in a relationship with my mother should i tell he his dirty little secret or keep my promise??

Answer 1

Quite frankly, blood IS thicker than water. I would go to him and tell him that in good conscience, you cannot allow him to continue pulling the wool over your Moms eyes, and that the whole situation is unacceptable to you. Tell him that although you made a promise, and usually don't like to break them, in this instance you are uncomfortable keeping the promise. Give him an ultimatum - either he tells your Mom in a certain period of time, or YOU will. If he really cares for your Mom, he will clean the slate. In this way, you keep your concience clear in regards to your promise, aren't the bearer of bad news to your Mom (hopefully, if he comes clean!) and your Mom won't "Shoot the Messenger!" And then if things don't work out for him and your Mom, just be there for her and lend her a shoulder to cry on.

Answer 2

i don't think you should tell her immediately.
Get him alone again and discuss your concerns, saying that you feel your Mum should know, or to at least ask him if he is over that now.

It sounds to me like he is also trying to get close to you, by telling you 'secrets' which is also something you should be concerned about.

Keep your promise for now - but ask him outright & maybe keep your distance a little more. If he has secrets from your Mum, then what else is he hiding?

Just my opinion. Hope it helps.

Answer 3

Talk to him more about perhaps him telling her. The decision you have been left with is basically to take the responsibility for his actions by choosing between your loyalty to him, and your mother. This is going to be very hard for your mother to hear, she may act in denial in which case telling her may only strain your relationship with her, and him. A very tough situation, personally i'd be angry at him for placing me in that situation in the first place.

For me, I would speak to him about what he said, get him to clarify what he means, and tell him how I feel about what he is doing and his telling me and ask him what HE plans to do about it. Put the responsibility back on him.

If he chooses to take no action, then you have the tough questions: 1) what effect will it have if I tell mum? 2) what effect will it have if I dont tell mum

Good luck mate.

Answer 4

A difficult one, there's the loyalty to your family and then there's this promise to this person who's also a friend.

I would say hold tight for now and observe the situation. Is he currently cheating on your mother? If he is then scrap what I've said and tell her. If he hasn't then see how it plays out.

Answer 5

Yes

Answer 6

God yes she needs to know immediatley. if it was you would you like to be told especially if your own mother knew??? tell it with care though as she could think you're lying and take his side and it could end in disaster but i definitley think she should be told.

Answer 7

hi hun well what can i say . i am a gay man and what he his doing is so wrong it is nasty and dirty and then he is going back to you mother, don't put up with it hun deal with it tell him to his face he stops now or you will tell your mother you have got to think of your mother too , you don't know if he is have save sex or not please think of your dear mother take care hun.

Answer 8

I think you should tell your mum, friends come and go but your mum, well you only have one mum and she deserves to know the truth.

Answer 9

I would make your decision based on what you think is best for your mother.

Answer 10

Yes your mum should know