I need parent advice!!!!?

Question

OK so my mom and my dad are divorced and I go to my dad's house on every Wed. for like 3 hours or something and then every other weekend is his. My dad did not get remarried but my mom did. So now I have a half brother which is almost 4. I have been doing the whole weekend thing since I was 4 and I loved going there. But now for some reason, I don't. I just like to stay here with my brother and stuff. I love my dad I just don't want to spend weekends over there. I mean I do but I just want to come home at night and sleep in my mom's house on my bed. I don't know what to do. My dad is 49 (shut up I know he is old) and I am 12. I don't know what to do! HELP!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

I appreciate your honesty at such a young age. I also have empathy for your feelings. This is a difficult struggle for any children in broken homes/families. It is unfortunate that the family structure has changed in such a way that our children are now paying the price for blended family life versus traditional family life. However, it is what it is. There are really no perfect families. All family types have their good and bad aspects. Another difficult component to this situation is the fact that you are 12 years old. You are beginning the teen experience. It is an uncertain time in most peoples lives at that age. I would encourage you to spend some time soul searching. The surface feelings of what you feel at this age are never really the real focus. What you are feeling or experiencing may have deeper roots. I would expect that you may have some burried resentment for having to bounce around from Mom to Dad. I would also expect that you may be transferring some of your feelings that you have had on to the 4 year old half brother. You stated that you were also four years old when your struggles began in this broken family. Without meaning to feel this way, you may be unconsciously projecting your feelings into your actions. Is it possible that you resent the fact that you must be there sharing your Mom? Is is possible that you resent being a part of your 4 year old half brothers life because you did not have an older 12 year old sibling to help you when you were 4 years old, so why should you be there to make his life easier? Is it possible you have deep resentment towards your Dod for breaking it off with your Mom and now your Mom is remarried and your half brother has a Mom & Dad and sister all in the same home and have a more stable life and you really desired that? I know that you may be trying to be a good daughter and love Mom & Dad and be kind to half brother and so you very well may not even be aware of the deep feelings you have under the surface. You are young but have had to grow up fast. In the process you could not take time to feel your feelings because many were very painful and some external elements you could not change to make you feel better so you learned how to stuff your feelings down and deal with life. That may have got you through for a wahile but now the feelings are festering inside you. If you do not stop and assess your inner soul now, this will esclate later in teen years and you may start risky behaviors without understanding why. You may be drawn to boys, sex, drugs, drinking or other things to make you feel good or numb yourself from your pain. The reason would be because that is generally how you have been coping, trying to stuff things down and feel good without addressing issues. You may be starved for love and start trying to get relationships with boys to fill that starved love need you have inside. My advice is to talk with a school counselor. Pray. Get involved with a church and surround yourself with good positive role models. Find a good friend who can help you be honest with yourself and reslly talk about how you feel inside. Learn to forgive your Mom & Dad and know and believe they love you and are trying to do the best they can. Be a mentore to your half brother. You may turn out to be his hero. You can heal wounds with love and not with hate. If you resent the little guy and want to not be around him...it tells me there is some deep burried resentment and you can heal yourself by being the big sister that you wish you would have had but didn;t have. You may be uncomfortable with being with Dad on weekends because you are becoming a woman and your mind & body is developing and you are unsure of how to relate to him now. I encourage you to find a way to keep Dad in high importance in your life. Dad's play a huge role in their daughters life. The type of relationship you have with your father growing up will be a great indicator of how you relate to the opposite sex later. If you get married later and had a great relationship with your Dad, you will have a great relationship with your husband. If you resnt Dad, it will surface and you will resent your husband. The best thing to do now. Soul search. Explore the hidden deep feelings you have and be honest with yourself and others. Have some intimate talks with your parents alone and tell them how you feel. Forgive yourself and your parents and your half brother for imperfection. Work on being the best you that you can be. Avoid trying to be a people pleaser, it will cause you unhappiness. Instead make wise decisions based on love, inner peace and happiness. Live your life so that years from now you will not have any regrets. God Bless you. Turn to God and give your heart and soul to him...I guarantee he will lead your life to great things and you will have inner peace and happiness.

Answer 2

Maybe you ought to sit down your mom and dad and tell them how you feel. Maybe it could work out to be something like during the week your dad picks you up from school and you have dinner at his house and you guys do your homework 3 times a week until he has to take you home. It could work out better than seeing him every weekend, because you have to remember, your dad loves you and wants to see you. Maybe if you both met half way, something where he picks you up in the morning on the weekends and then drops you off with your mom for dinner time or something would work out if you saw him more during the week. I don't know what your situation is, but I wish the three of you luck, and know that your dad loves you unconditionally, because that is how a fathers love is.

Answer 3

I think you need to talk to your dad first. Tell him just what you said here. Things change when you get into puberty, and I would simply tell him that you would like to try this for a while. To be fair though,, your dad loves you, and he needs to spend time with you as well. Maybe you could spend time with him during the day and then go to your mom's home at night, if they live very close.

Frankly I think you should look at it this way if you can. Aside from the wednesday evenings, you spend 4 days a month with your dad. That's 4 days out of 30. Does your dad not deserve 4 days of your time? I think you need to think more about this, and see if you can come to a compromise that will be fair to your dad and to yourself.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I think you need to talk to both your mom and dad and tell them what you are thinking. Things are rarely as serious as we think they are I am sure you can work out a plan that would be acceptable to both your parents and your self. Just know that change is constant and life is constantly change. You are not the same person you were at 4 so what work at for will not necessary work at 11 or 14 or 21 but keep the lines of communcations open and make sure that both parents know that you love them

Answer 5

I'm a parent and have 2 boys from a previous marriage... I love them and want to be a part of thier life as much as I can... I think that only 4 nights a month is not enough but it is all I get and I cherish every minute that they are with me.... I also get them for 1 evening each week and it has been great to see them each and every time!

Please go to your father's house... a few nights a month at his house is not that much and I'm sure that he enjoys just having you there on those few nights.

Answer 6

I understand how you feel. My boys ate to leave here. They love to see their dad but they hate to stay all night. It hurts him very badly though. I don't think they are doing it because they don't like him they just feel more comfortable here,but I do tell them to do their best ad spend time with their dad because they wo't be little for long. I hate to see him hurt also because I know he loves them as much as I do. So I am sure it would really upset your dad also.Try to stay with him and let him know you love him. Mom will be there when you get home.

Answer 7

hey come on your dad craves for your attention and love just as your mother does, atleast your mother spends most of her week with you, dont you think you owe 3 hrs to your dad, and regarding cuttin short the time it will be devastating to your dad.
The reason you dont like it their must be cos u and ur dad arnt thinkin on the same wavelength so ask him to go out on a small lil holliday with you .Talk to him about everythin and i mean everythin and trust me u will be closer to him than you have ever been. The distance between u and ur dad is because he doesnot really know you and is still treatin u like his lil 4yr old girl

Answer 8

Both your mom and dad need your love. They both need you to be with them. It can be hard but try your best to show them your really care no matter what.

Answer 9

is it so bad to go to your dads house? one day he will be gone and you will regret not spending time with him.

Answer 10

i know with my daugh, as she became a preteen/teen/ her feelings about visiting her dad, being gone from home, changed, and she got to where she only wanted to visit for a shorter time..... try talking with your dad, on your next visit, see if you/he can agree to cut the visits shorter, to just perhaps saturday day time.. if you have difficulty being honest with him,, try talking to your mom about it,,,,,