My daughter is pregnant again with second child, But i cant help as much this time?

Question

I have helped her as much as i could with little granson, (he is beautiful) But i had a heart attack in october. and as she lives with me , I feel i have to do the same this time. But I know i am not able. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings?

Answer 1

You shouldn't feel like you have got to help at all. Do the children not have another parent also? Can he not help? She was very lucky to have you at all she should be thankful for that!

Answer 2

Hello there. Honey, if your daughter is old enough to be having her second child she is old enough to know that when someone has had a heart attack they cannot be expected to function as they did before the heart attack! I am sure that your daughter already knows that you will not be able to do all the things that you did before.
I do know however that sometimes people can be so caught up in their own lives, wants and needs (especially children, no matter how old they are!) that they don't seem to see the forest for the trees! If you feel that your daughter is actually expecting you do do as much as you did before then you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. I certainly would not worry about hurting HER feelings, it is your feelings that need to be taken into consideration at this time. Sure your daughter is going to have a struggle on her hands with two little ones but believe me many young women go thru that with absolutely NO help what so ever. If you do feel that you need to help, try to make sure that you are helping with the new baby which is tiny and easy for you to lift. For that matter if the older child is old enough for you to sit and read to him, that could be a help.
Childbirth is a time to celebrate and a happy, joyful time. Having a heart attack is not. If you just had the heart attack in October you are still in a delicate state. You are the ones whose needs must come first. You are the one that needs to be cared for. I don't mena to sound cold but if your daughter does not realize this then maybe she needs a real wake-up call. You might consider having someone else talk to her. I don't know what your situation is but you definitely cannot let her situation become a burden to you. Of course if it makes you feel good to help once in a while then by all means do it but DO NOT let it become your first priority. Do not over-do it! Your number one priority must be your own health and taking care of yourself. You are already doing a great deal by giving her a place to live.
Take care of your self and make sure you get plenty of TLC. You are the one with the serious health concern. Assuming your daughter is healthy ( and I am sure you would have mentioned it if she was not) you are the one who needs to be cared for. She needs to be thinking of you and hoping that having a new baby does not put too much strain on you!
Take care and Blessings to you!
Lady T~

Answer 3

You don't owe her anything at all. You don't even owe it to her to live in your house. You are putting a roof over her and her children's heads, that's more than enough. Tell you had a heart attack and can't help as much anymore. If she complains it means she doesn't care about your health and your problems. If I had a heart attack, I wouldn't even take the chance of doing the extra chores children cause, I'd ask her to move out because I was sick with a serious disease. Look at this way, you have already had one heart attack, which means your heart is now damaged, a second one will more than likely finish you. I don't want to be rude, but when you have had a heart attack, you need to take care of yourself first. The heart is resiliant, but yours has already given you a wake up call -- don't ignore it. The odds are a second one will be the last one. Tell her the plain truth, if it hurts her feelings, I hate to say it, I know she's your daughter, but she's selfish. I hope she acts and is concerned about you when you do tell her. Why doesn't she ask the father to help or drag him kicking and screaming to court and hire some care for you and her children?

Answer 4

It might be hard for her to hear but you'll be even less help if you have another heart attack putting yourself under too much strain. If your daughter feels that she can have two children then maybe it's time she faced up to the full responsibility of being a parent rather than having to rely on you. This might even involve moving out and working or claiming financial support.

I'm presuming that if she lives with you then the father is not in the picture. If I'm correct then she can only expect you to give a mother's support not be the second parent. If I am incorrect then maybe it's time the paternal family became involved.

Answer 5

Helping ur child at the first time of her baby was tough becouse she was new for that experiance and she dont know what to do at all.At this time(It is her second time)she is more experianced on what to do and she might not ask ur help like she did before.And to tell u the truth,if i have a mother and if i know that she gat a heart attack,i dont bother her to do my things i rather do her things.And do not afraid that working a very simple thing might have an impact on ur heart.It wont heart u,in fact having a regular easey exersise is good for ur health since it helps u in circulation and decrease obesity.

Answer 6

Why do mothers always give past their own limits? She is lucky you helped with the first child, and just having her live with you is a heck of a lot of help. The only thing she should expect is that you spend some quality time with the kids. Most people in modern society only see their grandparents a couple times a year -- sounds like she is already lucky to have you around as much as you are.

Answer 7

I am sorry that you suffered a heart attack and I hope that your health improves. I am sure that your daughter knows for one, how much you love her and two, she knows about your medical condition and knows that she cannot expect the same amount of help that you gave her before. You could just tell her that you love her and love this baby that is growing inside of her but even though you would love to help as much as you did before with the other one that you just cannot. Tell her that it isn't because you don't want to it's because you cannot. If your daughter is as caring as you sound she will understand care more about your health than she will about having to do more things for herself.

Answer 8

She should know, as an adult and a mother, that you can't keep up with her kids anymore. It's her responsability if she had her kids to raise them. Remind her that you just had a heart attack and need to take things slow. As your daughter she should understand without getting her feelings hurt. And as a second time mom, it shouldn't be as hard for her this time around since she knows what to expect. Good luck!

Answer 9

She loves you and may even be worrying that you will try to do what you did before-putting yourself at danger of another heart attack-but is afraid of hurting YOUR feelings if she asks you not to do as much. Sit down with your daughter and tell her your fears-that you'll do what you can,but you know you must take it easy and won't be able to be as hands on as you were prior to the heart attack. I'm sure you'll find she knows this and will be relieved that you are aware of this. Take care. x

Answer 10

Having a toddler adjustments each thing--and creates quite some motives for battling--mom and dad get drained, cranky, etc--and now you're pregnant returned--Fights are a classic area of marriage--this is the way you take care of the disagreements that count. It sounds like your husband drank too lots and consequently he slept in--Did he purposely attempt to ditch your occasion mutually with your loved ones or substitute into he sick? That makes a brilliant difference. If he has a eating situation then attempt to assist him with it. yet in a marriage i does not get caught up in--"he did this to me" etc. He in all probability did not do it on purpose--and he substitute into hungover so he of course did not experience like enjoying mutually with your daughter--it somewhat is glaring. returned if he beverages each and all the time then you definately've a situation. in any different case, this is unlucky that he substitute into below the impact of alcohol, you got pulled over and he missed the occasion, yet not somewhat motives to get divorced. in case you recognize which you're battling over petty issues then end your self--there are a number of divorces occurring because of the fact individuals at the instant are not tolerant adequate. of path, if there are very severe subjects then you definately would desire to handle them--in basic terms be certain you at the instant are not reacting hysterically to each difficulty--super and small--while you're then it somewhat is an indication which you would be a area of the project--overreacting the two to each thing and it that case i could think of that your hormones are the reason. Take a deep breath--relax and end putting lots tension on the two one in all you to be perfect mom and dad--this is by no ability going to ensue--and you recognize what--it somewhat is effective--this is adequate--try your ultimate and you will the two do a competent interest mutually with your toddlers.

Answer 11

Could you not help out when you feel up to it? Surely she would understand how much energy or lack of it you have since having a heart attack. How old is your daughter?