My mother-in-law has asked many times to see the list of presents my husband and I received for our wedding. I am sort of OK sending just the gift list, but she wants to see the list of gifts alongside the person who gave the gift.
I think this isn't her concern and is an inappropriate thing to do to the people who gave us gifts. My husband says: if it's so important to her, what's the big deal to give her the full list?
She gave us some financial help for the wedding. I don't think this matters, but maybe it does. What is the etiquette here (if any)?
2006-11-26 21:03:20 · 12 answers · asked by jillby3000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I should mention we have tried to put off giving her this list hoping she would just forget, now 1 and 1/2 years later she is still asking for it.
2006-11-26 23:52:46 · update #1
It is none of her concern and you can tell her that...let her know that the thank-you's went out and you don't have the list anymore.
2006-11-27 00:27:54 · answer #1 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you for a peaceful life, just photocopy her the list and then forget to give her the list of the person that gave her the list I personally don't see why she needs to know that information. Or if you think that it will upset her, do it this way, it’s a bit sneaky but it might work.
Take all the papers over to her house including the list (which you would have already copied for her), also make sure that she see's the list which show's the people that gave which presents. Make sure that she looks at it and reads it and make sure that she knows that you have photocopied her the gift list. Then when you leave make sure that you take with you the list which has the people's names on it. Therefore she will think that you picked it up by mistake or that she has mis-filed it. Then if she mentions it say I left the lists with you which will by you more time.
2006-11-27 05:32:52 · answer #2 · answered by Baps . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. It's none of her business who gave you what. The fact that she gave you financial help for the wedding does not change that. The etiquette here is that she should not be so rude as to ask for this information, and it's perfectly acceptable for you to not give it to her. How you handle it could be several ways. Simply pointing out to her that it is rude of her to ask and inappropriate is probably not the way you would want to proceed, even though it is true. You could ask her why she wants to see this list and then proceed based upon her answer (knowing that there is no legitimate reason for her to know), or the next time she asks just tell her politely that you don't think its appropriate to be be letting others know who gave you what for your wedding. Best of luck!
2006-11-27 05:09:45 · answer #3 · answered by Garth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give it to her.
She's being a typical mother-in-law. Sticking her nose in. Tell her to keep her nose out of it. She's just being a busy body and wants to know 'everything'. Don't let her win.
What is it of her concern who gave you what gifts??
Don't feel like you have to give in just because she helped out with the wedding - thats what parents are for!
Lose the list - -problem solved!
By the way, your husband should be on your side - - no matter what.
If you give in now, you might as well bend over for the rest of your married life and let his mummy take over.
Good Luck!!
2006-11-27 05:13:05 · answer #4 · answered by Moz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, this wedding was for you and your new husband. Its got nothing to do with your mother-in-law what you got or who gave it. Usually , you display the gifts at the reception along with the card of who gave it. Whether you did this or not, doesnt matter. She may have paid for a bit of the wedding, but that doesnt give her the right to what she is asking of you. If it were me I would be quite happy to give her the list of presents, but as to who gave them , no way. She should not have the information as to who is rich or who is poor, and thats what she's after. Bit of a nosey parker aint she?! watch out for the rest of your life.!!!
2006-11-27 05:22:04 · answer #5 · answered by Daydreamer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, I don't see what the big secret is! What is wrong with her knowing?
Years ago, it was customary for the bride and groom to open their gifts at the reception, and display them for everyone to see if it was a small wedding. Otherwise, many times, the bride and groom went to the bride's home the next morning for brunch and opened the gifts with both sets of parents present.
Hopefully, she will be your mother-in-law for a long time. Why alienate her right at the start of your marriage?
2006-11-27 07:37:57 · answer #6 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This goes both ways...it happened to my hubby when we married 19 years ago....My Mother in law was very persistent.
I would give a partial list......people that are on her side/your hubbies side >I would list the gifts with the names...the other ones I would keep to yourself.
My mother in-law wanted to see what her friends and family members bought for future reference. (what she would buy as gifts for their children and so on)
Give half the list as for the other "oh I didn't think it would be of any importance, you don't really know these people and will most likely never see them again......etc.
just a thought.
Good luck
2006-11-27 06:27:36 · answer #7 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's being nosey and it's none of her business.
I suspect she wants to compare the gifts received from both sides of the family, to give her ammunition for gossip and the like.
The fact that she gave you some financial help for the wedding is irrelevant (unless she wants her money back).
2006-11-27 05:07:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't "have to", but why wouldn't you? It would be nice for her to see what family and friends gave for the wedding. There should be no reason why you wouldn't let her see the list.
2006-11-27 08:44:29 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask her can you see a copy of her will before hyou show her your gift list... hahaha...
just kidding!
seriously, she is being a nosey woman, ask her WHY she wants to see it, and follow it up with "it doesnt really matter who bought what, we had a great wedding and thats all that counts"
2006-11-27 05:58:43 · answer #10 · answered by He moonwalked on my <3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋