Should I turn my 9 month old to the state?

Question

I am divorced. Husband bailed out. I have emotional problems, anger problems, no money, no family, no friends.
Or should I just try to raise my son the best way I can. I don't think I am a fit parent. Either way, I don't want my son to be messed up like me.

Answer 1

You answered your own question, if you believe deep in your heart that's the right thing to do, then follow your heart.

Answer 2

If you don't believe you can give your baby what he needs and you believe you are an unfit mother.....I would definitely find out more about the processes of doing that.

I would make sure you don't rush this decision though as you can not take this back once it is over and done with. You are newly hurt by your divorce and your husband moving on. That is bound to cause all sorts of emotion problems with anyone as well as financial difficulties as one income is gone. The courts will see to it that you are not left high and dry.

I would also make sure to check into resources available to you through your local government as well as health and human services. If you reside in the US I can tell you since your husband is no longer in the home you can qualify for a version of W2, which is an aid to families with a "deserted" parent.

There are many options you have available. Look into them all before deciding what to do. Your child needs you like you can't imagine. I know it is hard to do but try to focus on what is best for your son AND you at the same time.

I wish you all the best of luck and hope that you are able to figure something out that works for the both of you. You can email me if you would like and I will look up resources for you in your area.

Answer 3

If you feel like it would be best for someone else to raise the child, then it probably is. However, giving a child to the state, I don't think is the best action. Most kids get 'lost in the system', bouncing from foster home to foster home. Some get adopted while some don't. If you want your child to be adopted by a family, check into adoption agencies. There are lots of family who would be more than willing to adopt a baby. With the state, you have no say. Through an adoption agency, you'd have the option to pick out the parents and play a more active role in it. Good luck on whatever you chose :)

Answer 4

The only way you will have any control over the way your son turns out is if you keep him. There is no guarantee that the state will provide a good home, and the foster care system in this country is horrific, assuming you are an American. Your situation is hard right now, but keep in mind that there is no where to go but up. You are whether you realize it or not, a good parent, because you obviously love him very much to consider giving him away. But your son is the one good thing in your life. Why give that up? It is a permanent solution to temporary problems. See if you can get help. Apply for section 8, food stamps, medicaid, WIC, Financial Assistance. Those programs are in place to help people in situations such as yours. If that fails see if you can turn over custody of your son temporarily until you can get your life together. Your son needs his mother, not foster care. And you need him. He is the one bright spot in your life. There is help out there for you. And there is no shame in taking it.From one mother to another I can honestly tell you that no matter what happens in my life, what hardships I have faced,and there have been many, no matter how worthless I feel , I look at my son and I know that he is the reason I am here . The reason I get up in the morning, the reason I am breathing, The reason I pick myself up and carry on. He may not get everything he wants, but he has everything he needs, even if that means I do without. He is the reason it is all worth it in the end. I could never give him up, no matter how bad it gets. I am the only one who can guarantee his safety and happiness, at least in my mind. You just need to find that strength. It is there and all you have to do is look him in the face to find it. Good luck to you, and remember, things can and do get better.

Answer 5

Do what is best for the Child. If your don't think you are fit to raise your son, then you should seek placement in a fostercare system. That doesn't mean you have to give up your parental rights or be excluded in your childs life. Work on your personal problems and seek help in getting your life on track and then you can become the Parent you would like to be and bring your son back under your care.

Answer 6

You don't have to do anything right now. It's best not to take decisive actions in the depths of despair. I'd say get the emotional problems treated, give yourself time to feel better, and then revisit the question.

If you do decide to place your son for adoption, you might want to go through a private adoption agency rather than allow your son to go into foster care. It has been the ruination of many a child. You don't have to be perfect to be a fit parent, remember.

Take advantage of any and all government programs that might help, including having Husband forced to pay child support. I for one am glad to pay taxes to help women who desperately want to be good parents and need a few resources for both their kids and themselves. Apply for any form of aid that is available to help you get on your feet and raise your son; you are a good cause!

Answer 7

Whose opinion do you trust? Ask them what you should do. Divorced doesn't make you a bad parent. Emotional problems are what we all struggle with from time to time. Anger is something that will control you if you can't control it. Money comes and goes. Family...well, there's a hard part. Family should exist. Even distant family could be better to have involved with your boy than complete strangers. And friends...I would be surprised if you really don't have any friends. Don't be too hard on yourself. 9-month old babies are stressful! They don't come with instruction manuals.

Good luck making this decision. Please get more advice from SOMEONE besides those people on this website. Clergy or distant family are two places to start. Remember, this decision is more important than almost any you will make in your life. Consider what you will do with him for a good long time before you make any rash decision. You owe him that much.

Answer 8

I think it would be a good idea to turn him over to the state if there is nobody in your family who can care for him while you deal with your stuff. You have stated that you have emotional problems and you will mess him up if you keep him. I'm sorry to have to tell you this but it's true and he is innocent and needs to be cared for by someone who doesn't have the baggage you have on top of being left behind by his father. But nothing any of us can say will make up your mind, you need to look into your heart and think about his well-being and your own. Good luck and best wishes to you and your son.

Answer 9

If u are Canadian u'll have more State support than here, of couse, but u can try make more friends and find a cool date to support u...( little hard, but try )
Canada have the top IDH in the world...so the State wont let u fall, look for help, and any case just find a way, u live there, so u know ur country, but dont wait, do!
Remmember, "luck" is oportunit + effort, so give ur best!

Answer 10

look into your heart and do what you know inside is the best thing for your son and yourself. Do not worry about what other people think, this is a serious matter that only you can resolve. After you made your decision do not blame yourself of second guess, move on with your life and do the best you can. It sounds like you are very wise and know what the thing to do is and have a clear idea about yourself and your limitations, that is pretty good right there. Maybe you can talk to social services and get an idea of your options?

Answer 11

never married, but i feel the same way,but my daughter is the one and only thing that keeps me going everyday, just because we have so many problem in our life, dont mean the kids will. they will just learn from us how to be stronger and wiser, my daughter gets me to laugh everyday and she is way smarter than i ever was and she just turn 3,shes like my best friend so dont think that way, ok! If you give your son to the state, than he will be messed up. so, look at him with a smile, give him a hug an kiss, tell him how much you love him and keep on trying for the both of you.