I posted the question physically abused but heal well, to show no one should allow abuse, as abuse kills ????

Question

Yeah!!!! I do need help, the man in my life has been abusing me
badly for the last 2 years, and last night did it again, I am going to
lay charges.......Healing well means that in spite of this my mind is still sound even though my body is taking a lot of beating................

The only answer for this is the police, but, he keeps asking me to
pay him to leave, when he is beating my head in all the time, you
know how this ends, if I DO not give in to his request possibly in
my death.......................Yip!~!!! half the police in my street, know
and want to deal with this situation..................................................

What do you think I should do, the police seem to be my only
answer now......................................................................................

Answer 1

You get yourself into a safe location where he does not know where you are, then you go to the police. Take what you need and only confide in people he either wont ask, or wont break if he pressures them.

Answer 2

I think abuse only gets worse, when it's adults doing it, don't let him see that your trying to escape the relationship before you actually do, It'll only be harder and more dangerous for you, I can't say that I know this will work, but wait till he's gone call the police, and have them put you under protective custody, press charges, and do it all decisively, it's something you have to do if he really is abusing you, not just for yourself, but so that he can't hurt anyone in the future. oh, and the most important thing in a case against him, and for your saftey is that people believe you when you tell them what's happening, you have a couple people who know what's been going on to support you, and you remember specifics about what he does, which can be hard if it's bad or frequent, but in the end being strong and getting help with this sounds necessary.
You're a lot better than that someone could treat you like that, and I don't think it's drastic to involve the police, abuse is abuse, it's dangerous, it's serious, you're right to believe that

Answer 3

OK, well first let me tell you that the most dangerous time in an abused person's life, is when they try to leave. However, staying is going to mean continuing in a life of more and probably worse abuse. So don't try to leave while he is around. You need to come up with a plan.

Let the police get involved and help you. That is what they are there for. Its is odd to me that they haven't already arrested him to begin with, Most states don't need the spouses (or boyfriends) permission ro make an arrest for family violence.

As for their involvement, they need to get involved so that they can start making a paper trail of incidents. Family Violence laws usually increase their penalties when the violence re-occurs. So, say your man has been beating you for years and each time he assaults you, they arrest him and it is documented. The first time, a slap on the wrist, the second.. jail time, the third.. prison.. catch my drift? Otherwise, one of these days he may beat you until almost death and the courts have no proof that he has any prior violent history... so he may get a lesser charge.

If you can safely do so, without your husband's knowledge, sit down and talk to the police about your options.

You need to know what your rights are as an abused person. What are the domestic violence laws in the state?

Can they help you come up with a plan for leaving?

Is there a safe place, like a women's shelter that you can go? If not, you need to find a safe place where you can go when you decide to leave..the further away from him the better.

Does your state offer protective orders? (Don't get this confused with restraining orders, which require $$ and a lawyer and arent as effective) You need to have one filed against him immediately. Again, walking in and asking for a protective order with no proof of prior violence (police reports) will make this difficult.

I know that you are going to have a lot of questions and reservations about this, like "How am I going to provide for myself? What about the kids?" You WILL find a way to make it. What is important now is getting out.

"But I still love him". Yes. You do love him. and thats completely normal. Its nothing to be ashamed of even though people are going to ask, "How can you love a man that beats you?" What you feel is what you feel and most battered women will go back an average of 7 times before they finally get out. Love him or not, you cannot live with him and he is not going to change. What he does to you is not love, it is a means of control and it will only get worse if you stay.

Once you get out, understand that you MUST STAY OUT, He is going to turn into either the biggest **shole on the planet or the sweetest man on earth, but they are both ploys to get you to come back...and then the abuse will start again.

Your friends and even the cops may get frustrated if you don't get out. It is hard for people who are not involved in relationships like these to understand what it is like and the amount of control involved in abusive relationships. If you remember nothing else what I am writing, remember this, "YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS".

Best wishes
-k

Answer 4

First, understand that you are not at fault . . . ever! There is absolutely no reason for a person to lay a hand on another with the intention to do harm.

Second, get out! What are you waiting for? The police know of organizations that can help you and put you in a safe house. Please do something before you no longer have the choice.

Third, press charges! There is no love in this relationship . . . only your fear of the unknown and what lies ahead. You deserve better, no matter what he tells you!

Once you're away from him . . . stay away! I had a friend in a similar situation and myself and many others, including the police, helped her and her children get away from her abusive husband several times only to have her go back to him over and over again.

Be strong, do what you know you must and good luck!

Answer 5

well girl ive got only one thing to say to u ! either u r on drugs ?and dont want to envolve police, or u like having u aaaa beat on a regular basis? u need counciling and a good escape plan. And shame on u for allowing this to happen, specially if there r children envolved. I have been there , and i am a better person today for getting out of the enviroment of abuse , verbal and physical there is no excuse u could gi ve for staying! GET OUT NOW!

Answer 6

The sad truth is, that when you leave, you have a 75% better chance of being killed by this man. The odds get worse the longer you stay in the relationship. For Gods Sake, get out now! Your life depends on it! Get to a shelter, contact the Police, Get a restraining order on this man ASAP. Do it NOW for your own good!

Answer 7

Isn't all this attention comforting? Go ahead rip me a new one. That's the truth here isn't it? The cops know and are willing to help, you know what to do. What the hell is left to decide?? I've met people like you, you piss me off. You don't think people make life altering decisions every single day of their lives? You don't think it scares them right witless? You don't think that those very decisions place their lives in turmoil? They make them anyway. They are the right ones, you make them, you stick to them and you take whatever comes after, before some innocent person pays for your indecision. Seen way too much of that to have any compassion for you. Grow a spine.

Answer 8

First, look in the mirror and determine if you give a sh*t about the person looking back at you. Then ask yourself if this is really the "true love" you always dreamed of. If not, why are you still there? You have to raise your self-esteem high enough to realize you don't need anybody but yourself. So........are you worth more than this? I suggest you start packing your bags.

Answer 9

What you should do depends on the situation. If he comes home drunk/ stressed out whatever and beats your @ss for no apparent reason, call the cops and get it over with. If it's because you're not doing what you're told, then step it up a notch.

Answer 10

Call 1-800-799-7233 it is the national abuse hotline phone number. They will help you figure something out.