PLEASE HELP ME! I cant take it anymore......?

Question

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I have suffered for many years with depression but am finally learning to cope with it and feel better. He knows I have bad problems but he really makes things hard for me. He puts me down and laughs at me and makes me feel really stupid.
He is hatefull and miserable.
I cant tell him how i feel cuz he is one of those people who thinks hes the best thing since sliced bread and he doesnt think hes doing any thing wrong. He is so bitter at the fact that it took him years to learn what ive learnt the last year while working with him, I think he resents me for it.
Ive had to cancell a job for next week because he has made me so paranoid that i'll f*ck it up.

What should i do? He is crushing my spirit..
PLEASE HELP.

I dont work with him all the time, I do my own thing too.
We are in the same family and have the same proffession so I cant really escape him.

ITS NOT MY BOYFRIEND, ITS MY COUSIN WHO IS ALSO MY BOSS!

Answer 1

he must be better than sliced bread if your willing to let him crush your spirit. Please, coming from someone who has had their own spirit crushed, more than once, remember this of all things,no one person is better than any other, we are all ignorant, in our own way. think better of yourself, should he belittle you in public, remind him there are plenty of others willing to butter your bread.

Answer 2

RUN. You sound like a great employee. Why the hell would you take a chance that your bozo of a boss might bring you down any lower than you are? Depression is tough enough without narcissistic people sucking all of your positivity out of you. Give your cuz two weeks notice and tell him exactly why you are leaving. Don't be mean, or rude. Just be honest and stick to your guns. If you can love your job and do it well with a prick of a boss, imagine how valuable you'll be in a professional non hostile environment!

Answer 3

from someone who also suffers from depression, and the fact that i'm always trying to accomodate everyone else around me, i've learnt that the only way to keep me "healthy" is too eliminate all negativity around me. whether it be someone's attitude towards me, an environment, or a lifestyle. I beleive in giving people chances however, and being directly honest, although easier said than done. If you tell someone that they're bringing you down, you give them the choice. if they cant change or be more sensitive to your feelings, then you dont need them in your life. Its a matter of survival i reckon. if something is truely meant for you, no matter where u travel it will always follow. never be afraid of letting go. Everything in life comes and goes. I had a similar situation with my mom, which was heart breaking. long story short, we were really not getting along. i decided that if she wasnt going to contribute to any positive influence in my life, then i was going to stay away. it tore me to pieces, but i did it, and after a year of space, we're come together and have the best respectful relationship ever. i hope i make sense :)

Answer 4

He is definitively a bad influence on you and since nothing can change it, get out of this country! Go to a sunny country, where even the most poor and non privilege person doesn't suffer depression due to the light and warmth. Make a plan, make the money for the ticket, get a job before hand and go to adventure! The world is so big, you are bond to find a healthy environment for you.

Answer 5

As you have so clearly stated "he is crushing my spirit", so the only way to make this condition better is get as far away from him as you can. You should NEVER be with someone who puts you down. There has to be a way for you to leave and work elsewhere. Otherwise, you'll always be miserable with someone who is constantly putting you down, killing your self esteem, and "crushing" your spirit. The only other solution would be to fight back. Let his "mean" words not touch you. Let him know you are no longer fazed by the mean things he says to you. And then tell him you'll no longer listen to the trash he says to you. The minute he starts to say something mean, walk away or get "mean" towards him. Tell him how lousy he looks, believe me these type of people have no self esteem so they get off on making others feel weak. He feels weak inside, so he draws strength from seeing you hurt. So if you keep this in mind, and you know him as well as you do, find the things that anger him, that he is insecure about, and "bite" him back word for word. Don't let him USE you and abuse you. Put an END to it. This is your life and you need to feel good about yourself to get ahead. Good luck honey.

Answer 6

Maybe it's time you took a stand...tell him here's my 2 week notice and hand him a resignation dated two weeks from that date...tell him it's over...if he hasn't the capacity within himself to act like a human being then you have to find a place to work that will treat you with the respect and dignity that all hard working, intelligent, conscientious people deserve. If he apologizes and actually changes (which I would bet 20 bucks right now he won't) then so be it...play it by ear...but if he further ridicules you and retaliates etc. then just say you know what?...I'm outta here and leave...your health is the greatest if not only asset any of us have and loosing it is not an option..

Answer 7

Time to make a life changing decision...but first let me ask you this,...is this just towards YOU? or does he act this way with all of his employees? He is obviously harassing you and getting away with it...I think, that you should start looking elsewhere, but not before telling him just why you are going to be leaving...unless you are also afraid of getting a bad reference from him..start lining up your good references right now from everyone you can, and then maybe don't say anything to him, get another job in a healthier environment, and just get the gee haw out of there as fast as you can before he drives you nuts..

Answer 8

You are now in a dif stage of growth from your depression. Now, is the time to set boundaries and say "No, I don't like it when you say/do ..... ". Your ego can still be bashed up, if he continues bashing it up. But you can also teach/help him to say something nice to you when you feel successful in something. Ask for affirmations. "I will appreciate it if you tell me I'm .... when I do this ...etc".

He is just as blur in being nice as he is good with being nasty. None of us have these 'tools' for growth. God gave us all the right 'hardware', but we need to find healthy 'software' (eg some churches are not glitzy), or 'tools' for speech and communication.

These are some ways you can help him help you grow, and even help him learn that not everyone likes a smart-alec, especially if they have what he knows but really don't like him. You need to develop some 'soft-skills' yourself. Warmth among others may be a way he might see how you are different. He may even be jealous you can do that!

When you feel your spirit crushed, draw a line. You could say, "I don't have much space inside of me to take another insult, etc.. I will go my way now, and when you can come back to me and say something positive about me, I might decide to come back and join you in what you're doing...." Set specific boundaries at all times, until he learns how to behave properly.

Answer 9

Talk to him about it or leave - either way - DO SOMETHING.

You may feel stuck but it's probably not helping your self esteem that you're not taking any positive action one way or the other.

Someone once said to me that you wouldn't worry so much about what people think of you if you knew just how little time they spend thinking about you.

It's possible that he has no idea the impact he's having on you - so a chat might help.

Although you can't control how poeple treat you and what happens to you, you can control how you respond and react. You're allowing yourself to be a victim here - and you're stronger and better than that.

Be brave and take your life back!

:-)

Answer 10

YOU don't seem to figure very much in your question - HE does a lot. All the words you have used to describe him are HIS stuff - not yours. Leave him to sort himself out - these really are HIS problems, they're not yours. Could you start to focus on the things that YOU want? We always have choices...sometimes they don't seem much like choices, but they ARE there. You might be allowing him to bully you? Bullies are scared people- try not to play his games. You might try telling him that what he has said is only his opinion...actually, everything he says IS only his opinion and you have a choice and a right, to listen/ believe/ respond...or not. You are lovable just as you are - x

Answer 11

Family should NEVER be left in the dark -- talk to them about it!

The next smartest thing to do is pack up as much courage as you can and talk to HIM about it.

If there are any specific reasons you cant do those thigns (other than feeling bad, or afraid of guilt), then try to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy.

Making yourself happy is priority #1 in life.

Life tries to teach you that jobs and money are first priority, but somtimes you have to take a balance and figure out which one of those 2 things weigh heaviest on your shoulders -- and take action.

You can search for a better job at the same time that you are working there -- use everyday that you have off or have free time to find jobs online (snagajob.com, monster.com, etc etc) make a resume, go to different places, ask questions.

Also, if he's doing things that are more serious than just making you feel bad, for example, calling you certain names, pushing you physically to do things you cant (lifting heavy items, moving faster in dangerous situations like carrying heavy things and running, etc etc) then these things are illegal, and/or harrassment and should not be tolerated.


I've dealt with depression alot in my life. Unfortunately because i was gay, turned out i was a horrid son for my dad and started life on my own at 15, and i myself had a very odd trait, in which feeling guilty or hated by others, or knowing that people were talking behind my back, or disliked me -- just FEELING any of this made me miserable, and i spent alot of time hoping i was liked or appreciated by friends coworkers and strangers.

Because of this i had a terrible time sticking up for myself, especially when it involved being angry or defending myself against someone who was liked by any OTHER friends of mine.

If your situation is similar, and your just afraid of losing friends or acquaintance's by defending yourself, you have to understand that not everyone is gonna like what you do. But you'll be suprised at how many people WOULD admire you standing up and stick by your side from time to time.

Anywho.. Your happiness is priority #1.

Its no use being miserable to get money, becuase in the end you'll use it to kill yerself, either physically or mentally.