I am a really giving person. Even though my life is chaotic with running a business, raising a 5 month old. and just dealing with the daily stresses of life I continue to put myself in a hole by helping people. When I have no time at all to finish what I need to do with my family or business people ask me for favors which can be very time consuming, Sometimes more then four hours at a time. I don't expect anything in return for helping family out but I am starting to get annoyed by people that I help not at least acting appreciative. I know that none of my friends or families would spend hours at a time helping me with trivial things. Why can't I say no and just worry about my own issues and family? Why are people so unappreciative? For example: (fixing peoples computers, looking for flights, research cheapest prices on web, buying a crib in the classifieds etc....) There is a lot more then that involved but I won't get to much more into it.
2006-11-26 19:43:43 · 12 answers · asked by Bellas Mama 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
so many ppl in the world like you. eager to please, afraid of disappointing others. be careful, it will inevitably wear you down. its a habit, one you need to break, as you enable people to take advantage of you, by saying yes, being the saviour of any matter - you are competent , no doubt, they can be as well, but i guess its easier for them to delegate, than to commit and complete a task themselves. you should let them do their own leg work. be selfish - cos what is selfish anyways? is taking care of your own, heart and mind , selfish - be that then... in life we generally do things for pay offs - whats your pay off when you constantly say yes? its ok to be helpful, but when you actually regularly putting yourself out on a limb for others.... its not worth it. take care
2006-11-26 19:51:45 · answer #1 · answered by aisha l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like the bottom line is you need to learn how to say no..saying no is not something you need to feel bad about... Everyone else's life and problems is not your responsability. There is nothing wrong with helping people, but when it starts preventing you from being able to deal with your own life...then it's a serious issue..learn to take on less and say no don't say maybe or ill think about it...simply say no im sorry I can't do that for you today I have other things I have to take care of..ect.
2006-11-26 19:53:31 · answer #2 · answered by thereis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife had this problem with her family and it began to affect our marriage
It may seem horrible but you are going to have to say a few white lies
Foe example when you are next asked for something tell them that you are doing something at the moment and will try to help them say the day after tomorrow
This way you are not refusing point blank but they will have to find someone else for that particular thing and this will begin to set a precedent it may seem wrong to lie but at the end of the day these people are taking advantage good luck it worked eventually for us
2006-11-26 19:51:45 · answer #3 · answered by jagkes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe u r too generous. but u know what? even if people are unappreciative as u said dnt worry about them. helping others is a good thing even if they are unwilling to help you when u need them. however, you must not forget your family and yourself. you must not help others to the detriment of your well being or that of your family. i know it sounds egoistic but hey u will not die to help someone. u must learn to say no sometimes. initially it will be a bit difficult coz i went thru this too. but u must do it coz some ruthless people know what r ur weaknesses and will take advantage of them. people will constantly come to you to look for help coz they know that u can't say no. so don't stop helping people. u r doing a good action but you must learn to limit yourself and look after ur family and yourself
2006-11-26 21:46:11 · answer #4 · answered by Jess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can be like this too sometimes....and its not always a bad thing...until they expect you to do everything...and are unapprecaitive...I would do anything for anyone...as long as I hear "Thank you" thats re-payment enough...however you sound like you have a lot of things to juggle...and their request are coming at a really difficult time in your life....It may be hard to do...but you have to start somewhere...otherwise your baby may get the short end of the stick...and thats not fair to you or your child
2006-11-26 19:49:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to see about charging for fixing their problems...
People will use people who act like doormats... Time to make them pay...
Tell them you aren't going to take it anymore...
I know the feeling about being used... And now I get people to pay me for helping them out... And now I have an extra income when no one else will help them...
2006-11-26 19:56:47 · answer #6 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People wipe their feet on doormats to get into the front door without a mess. They leave that with you. Stop being one.
2006-11-26 19:47:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u sound just like my little cousin. my family uses him for his money. just tell them no. tell them u don't have time. and if they get mad, the hell with them. put the tip of ur tongue at the roof of ur mouth and then folllow that with an oooooooo sound. everyone can do it.
2006-11-26 19:48:39 · answer #8 · answered by peach49444 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you sound just like me mind family dint the same thing to me i cant say no so i gust we in the same boat
2006-11-26 19:51:05 · answer #9 · answered by EVA J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont worry it is globle problem but try not to be human needs practise
2006-11-26 19:54:38 · answer #10 · answered by mohammad g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋