What is the best way to deal with some one who gives you a used library book as a X-mas gift?

Question

Last Christmas, my brother-in-law gave me a used library book as a Christmas gift when he gave everyone else new gifts right in front of me. Even though he told me the book was out of print, I was still very offended and insulted. I have thought about giving him the same used library book as a Christmas gift this year to him. Hopefully, the message will come across to him that I was offended and please do not do that again. What is the best way to deal with this situation? Should I give him the book back to him as a gift from me to him or just let this go and give him a new gift?

Answer 1

Give him a new gift, but something small. Maybe about $5 worth from the dollar store, but make it the good stuff. Don't stoop to his level, at least he got you a gift. It's not that big of a deal.

Answer 2

Dont be offended and petty. He probably could have got you a new gift but chose to give you one that was more meaningful to him. He said the book was out of print and mabye he thought you would really appreciate it. Are you an avid reader? Do you seem like the type of guy who would enjoy it? I think your being a jerk to be honest. I would just get him what you normally would had this incident not happened ie a new gift, and dont be an *** because he might give you a really cool gift this year and here you would be returning a used gift to him. That would be way more insulting then what he did to you.

Also mabye he asked your sister what y ou would like and she turned him toward the direction of giving you the book. Either way be the bigger man here with some class if he did it to be cheap and insulting and act like you know that the meaning of christmas is to give and not just get great gifts. If its just a commercial free for all why the hell do you celebrate it anyways.?

Answer 3

giving it back to him sounds like a fun thing to do.
I don't know his intention, like what was in his head when he gave you that but, but I've seen people owe hundreds of dollars on overdue books at the library and the libraries DO collect those fees and go after people to collect that, so because that book might mean a debt is owed by someone I'd say give him the book back.

If you don't want to cause friction you can wipe your fingerprints off the book and stick it in some Goodwill box and forget all about it. Goodwill might return it to the library and whoever owes the bill will get dunned.

There must be a logical reason why he had a library book still in his possession, but it being an outdated book maybe there was something of interest in there he thought you might find helpful or useful.

Answer 4

So.... if you were offended, why? What is the title of the book? Might it have been a first edition? It might be that he bought it specifically for you form a used book dealer; some of these can still be costly.

Are the words in a new book better than an old one? Do the meanings have more impact? Is it better if the writer isn't dead?

It's you letting this perceived slight take up room in your head. It's you that's allowing the feelings of anger to permeat your spirit and bring ruin to a holiday.

I happen to love books. I love them so much that I volunteer my time in a library repairing them when people who think less of them treat them badly.

Used book. You said nothing of the book other than that other people have loved it. A well-worn book means that there have been many people who thought enough of it to spend hours reading it and unlocking it's secrets. And you have probably in your arrogance not even opened the cover or read page one.

So, maybe this year you deserve a store-bought brainless, commonplace, sterile, generic gift. The gift of literature obviously doesn't suit you.

Answer 5

You can't judge the book by its cover. Your brother in law obviously know the value of the book it being an out of print. I would enjoy the book and let the hurt feelings go. Maybe he wanted you to see what's in the book and who knows, your gift from him was the greatest. To be offended is not a result of someone giving it to you but something you have decided to receive- it is a decision you have chosen. Offense is not caused by someone but a feeling you have created for yourself because you have allowed yourself in. As for you giving it back-- think about it- you will come out worse than him! And give him a new gift. I love the gift of a gas powered razor. ( It's one that you attached to a can of Chili beans. YOu buy a razor and a little wire and tape it. Wrap it nicely. And give it to him for a surprise. ) Instead of hatred, be the the one to spread the smile this holiday!

Answer 6

Let it go and get him a new gift. The trouble is with Christmas is it can bring out the worst in all of us. As in 'Who's got the bigger and more expensive present then someone else?' or' I won't spend the money on such and such because I don't like them.' I'm not taking any sides in your situation. I guess what you and your brother in law need to remember it is not always about the gift itself, but about the actual giving. Maybe it sounds self righteous, but sometimes if someone is trying to make some sort of sarcastic point by simply entering into the 'spirit of it' can be the best way of making a point, that you won't rise to his childish game and be the lower person for it!

Answer 7

Maybe you could do the same thing, but with another book from the library? Then, he couldn't say that you were ungrateful for returning his book. And, if he did say anything about the book you choose to give him, you could always say " I'm sorry, but since you thought that it was such a great idea to get me an out of print book last year, I assumed that maybe you were into that sort of thing" Then, there really isn't anything that he can say without looking like a hypocrite for thinking it was okay to give one to you. Good luck, whatever you decide!

Answer 8

Wait a minute. If it was out of print, maybe he really was trying to give you a good gift. I'd be happy to be given an old book for Christmas, if it was by an author I admired.

But if it was just a crappy old book, I'd say don't return it to him this year. That'd ellicit too much of a response. There'd be an all-out fight, which will put stress on the rest of your family. Instead, get him a cheap little new gift and bite your tongue when he gets you something truly crappy again.

Answer 9

I worked at a library for over a year and we would clean books with ammonia. (the outside covers only) As far as the pages in them go. Not too sure. I don't think you could wipe them down? If so, I'd think just a wet cloth or something?? I'm like you though, I hate my kids touching stuff like that too! Never know where they've been. Good luck! =)

Answer 10

Just forget it and give him a new gift. I'm sure he was trying to find the perfect gift for you and his heart was in the right place. Some people love old books or books out of print if they collect them.