Although I am very sad about it, their relationship was awful. He was physically and emotionlly abusive with her and he was a heavy drug user. He died of an acute infection and his death was unexpected (23 yrs old) and has two young children from another relationship. My sister is very much their surrogate mother, because their real mum is also a heavy drug user. I know this sounds horrible, but I can't really feel sad about his death because of how he treated my sister. I don't really know how to approach this situation.
2006-11-26 18:10:32 · 7 answers · asked by umani6 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
tell her he's (died) not worth for her to love. get her to a fresh place like beach and try asked her to shout aloud to get her pressure out.
2006-11-26 18:14:18 · answer #1 · answered by peter71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to feel sad for his death in order to be there for your sister during this hard time for her. It's wierd: you said in the opening you are very sad about it, then at the end you said you can't feel sad about it. Sad about the abuse probably. Well it is her life and if you want to be close to your sister you'll have to just offer to be there for her in any way she may ask. Do little things for her that show you care. Tell her you are sorry for HER loss (not that you are sorry he died.) Yes he was awful but she needs to grieve before she can get to the anger part, then comes acceptance. And you can't be of any use to her until you get on her side and show some empathy. Then she will open up to you more.
2006-11-27 02:40:32 · answer #2 · answered by emily 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be supportive of your sister, regardless of how you felt for this guy. If you were open in the past about your feelings for him, you should tell her that although you disliked him for the way he treated her, you are very sorry that things turned out this way. Tell her that you love her and will support her in any decision she makes, including the children involved. NEVER tell her she is better off without him - she already knows that! She just doesn't need to hear anything negative about him at this time. She is probably feeling a varied selection of emotions from shock, relief, loss, anxiety for the future, and fear. Fear about the future (even tho he was abusive, he was still part of her life that she will have to get used to living without!) Remember, whatever kinda jerk he was, SHE loved him in her own way (which you can't understand). Be there for her. Tell her you are there for her, and help her in anyway you can to get her life back on track.
2006-11-27 03:11:17 · answer #3 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use words like I'm sorry you feel this way. Do not get sucked into saying he was a great guy or making him into a saint.
Tell her you feel for her in her grief, but ignore him.
Oh and you had best be deciding what to do for these children, as your sister had no legal guardianship, and the crack head mom could come get them, leaving your sis alone.
2006-11-27 02:16:37 · answer #4 · answered by somebody cares 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tell people who are in this type of
situation to read the Bible.
Start with Psalm 147:3,
"He healeth the broken in heart,
and bindeth up their wounds".
Jesus died on the cross for all of our Sins.
This includes your Sisters boyfriend.
Forgive him also, in his death, and move
on with your own life.
2006-11-27 02:28:47 · answer #5 · answered by Answers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, listen, listen. You can do little than just be there for her. She will want a shoulder to cry on and you won't need to say much at all......just care for her.
2006-11-27 02:25:20 · answer #6 · answered by SANDY T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Morn with her and comfort her as needed- even if he was a total jerk- she needs that- and understanding- and you don't have to say anything about him- be a good listener-D
2006-11-27 02:14:58 · answer #7 · answered by Debby B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋