My 3 year-old poked fun at a stranger's weight!!!??!!?

Question

She's just a baby, but my three year-old and I were shopping in a department store when she pointed at a lady who was browsing the isles in front of us. She said "look at her." Oblivious to what was initially going through her head, I thought she was pointing at a music CD on the shelf. I said "yes, I see, the CD." She said, no, her, I peered through the line of site from her tiny little fingers to the back of this lady's head. I said "You know we don't point at people." My baby said, no, her, she's fat." I was mortified and almost cried. I know the lady heard my daughter, too, because she turned her head slightly as though she were about to say something, but when she saw my embarrassment, she walked off. I have always taught my daughter proper manners and I always seem to know what to say, in most every situation, but I was totally at a loss for words.

What would you do if you were the stranger/what would you do if you were in my shoes?

Answer 1

My daughter is now 4 and still occasionally does this, we have also taught her proper manners. My mother in law is heavy & my daughter will occasionally ask why Grandma is fat or so big(not to her face),although seh has also pointed out peole in public, I tell her that is not nice & we go about our day. My mother in law is also a child phyciatrist & have talked to her about it (well not what my daughter says about her) and she says it is normal that young children are strting to observe surroundings and notice what they do not find to be normal. She said just to say that is not nice & have her appologize when neccissary. My hubby is a weight lifter & so many toddlers ask why he does not have a neck (his arm muscles make ist look as if he does not) my hubby knows he is not "normal" and takes it with a grain of salt, weight is a bit more touchy, but she should understand it came from the mouth of a baby.

Answer 2

OK first of all she had to have heard it from someone else calling someone fat cause most kids wouldn't say stuff like that unless they heard an adult say it before. Cause most kids that young use word and sight association that how they learn what different stuff is like when you show them a bottle and say bottle same thing someone says fat and shows something fat that's how they learn. Cause she just isn't going to know what fat is someone had to teach her. And for what you can do is tell her that its wrong to call people names and to make fun of them. And the next time she does it just smack her hand a little and tell her again no that's wrong to do,she'll get the point. And as for the other shopper well she probably thinks the child hears it from her parents or another adult they been around calling people fat.

Answer 3

You can't be upset with her as children sometimes say things that people don't like to hear.

If I was the stranger I wouldn't say anything. Your baby is only 3, and innocent. It isn't up to a stranger to say anything at all, and if they do, they are being really inappropriate.

If I were you, i would just explain that people come in all shapes and sizes, colors, ages etc... I have seen a few beautifully illustrated children's books that teach this.

At the end of the day, you sound like you are doing the right thing, influencing your child in a positive manner, so whether people like it or not, sometimes a child will say things as they see it. It's when a child starts to say things to hurt someones feelings with intention that you should worry. Until then, Its very harmless.

Answer 4

While, this is normal behavior of a 3 yr. old, you should talk to her and explain how she hurt someones feelings by embarrassing them by saying they are fat. I would not scold her but just try to get her to see that she would feel bad if someone made fun of her.
If I were in the strangers shoes, I would just have walked off as she did and realize that the baby did not know proper manners yet. Even when they do know their manners, they can still
embarrass you at times! ha!

Answer 5

It's so normal. Three year olds think so literally and so not see it the way we do as adults. It's true to them that people are fat or short or black or white or anything. It's happened to me a lot od times for sure.
I would just tell her it's true but it's not nice to say it very loud that it might hurt someone's feelings. If next time see notices something, she can tell you quietly in your ear. Then you can at least not have the embarassment of the comment being within earshot of the other person.

Answer 6

Hi Volkgal, If i was the fat lady, i would of done nothing, because it was a young child who said it. Infact i think i might of give alittle smile. If i was in your shoe i would of been totally embarrass and red as red can get. I think i would of told the fat lady that i was sorry, and left it at that.

Clowmy

Answer 7

In my experience most kids that young don't even know what fat/think/ugly/beautiful is and don't use those words unless they have learned them either at home or at nursery school or a friend's parents or something. Anyway I think it's great that you showed via your embarrassment that you didn't condone the behavior. Still if were me with my kid I would of went a little further because that kind of thing is so hurtful and not how I want her to treat people. I think I would say "That's a terrible thing to say! We don't say things like that about anyone, ever!" If I were the lady whom it was said to I would of just walked just like she did then I would have cried in my car and thought about it for weeks. Just being honest.

Answer 8

Two separate issues. As regards the child, you could file assault charges (would be a tough case) but without damages you have no grounds for a suit. On the other hand, you have have definite lease violations, so taking him to Landlord Tenant court is an option regarding the repairs and unannounced visits.

Answer 9

Correct your child immediately. Tell her that its not nice to point out a person's weight because it can hurt their feelings. Otherwise, you did fine. Adults know that children speak without thought. And the woman is probably painfully aware of her weight. That you were mortified is the reason she didn't say anything. Its something we all must teach our kids as they get bigger.

Answer 10

No need to panic, that is just a typical 3 year old stage. When they start to embarass you by syaing htings out loud that are inappropriate. Just when she does pull her aside and explain to her why that is wrong. Don't get angry. eventually after time they will understand. If it helps have her say Sorry to the person she was referring to.