She is 11, we have joint custody with the mom, she yells at her all the time and tells her she should just go live with us, but then won't really let her. My stepdaughter tells us ALL the time that she hates it there, and wants to live with us, but that she doesn't want us to do anything because her mom will get mad at her. When they argue, she tells her mom that we said she can come live with us whenever she wants the mom gets angry and asks why, and my stepdaughter won't tell her all the reasons she tells us, because she knows she will get in trouble by her. So the mom just thinks we are trying to take her for no reason and calls and yells at us all the time and tells us to quit talking sh** about her all the time.I feel like she is mentally damaging her by constantly yelling at her and hanging up on her, what can and should we do about this?
2006-11-26 17:30:37 · 11 answers · asked by squirt 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
manshur32- why would we give up custody to her mother, my stepdaughter would never want that and niether would we, why would we force her to be with a verbally abusive mother???
2006-11-26 17:35:33 · update #1
Also, everytime my stepdaughter says to her mom that she would maybe want to live with us the mom freaks out on her and tells her that if she does she will never speak to her again,and that she will only come over to get her brother ( who is 8) and that she won't even be allowed back at her house to visit. We know that isn't true, but to an 11 year old that sounds pretty bad, and so she thinks she will never see her again and gets upset.
2006-11-26 17:39:13 · update #2
Cathy- we have talked to the mom, she is absolutly unreasonable and refuses to believe anything we say anyways, she says that everything the girl is saying about her isn't true, and just tries to go on and on about how she isn't a bad parent, even though we know she's not.
2006-11-26 17:41:31 · update #3
I try to stay out of the middle of these kinds of things, but the mother constantly brings me into it, I think she thinks she can get away with "bullying" me instead of her exhusband whom I think she may be a little afraid of knowing that he is the better parent. And when my stepdaughter tells me things I can't help but be involved then, this woman is causing so much stress on me, i can't take it anymore, i have more important things to focus on, but she is a very force consuming person.
2006-11-26 17:45:42 · update #4
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2006-11-26 17:31:38 · answer #1 · answered by GBI_D 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think the best thing would be to help your stepdaughter contact a child helpline for children being abused by parents and contact an attorney to try and get the full custody of the child. When you meet the mom in court or during 'talk' session, tell the mom everything the child has told you about being abused by her and let the child back you up. Tell the court that the child is in danger because of this accuse and let her say there that she wants to live with you and want to do nothing with her mom. I think this is the best possible way to deal with it.
2006-11-26 17:36:25 · answer #2 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you really need to do is talk to the mother. She does not know what is going on and is taking everything the wrong way, and with good reason. All she see is that her daughter wants to live with you but no one will tell her why.
You really should have the little girl tell you why she does not want to live with her mother any more and why she wants to live with you.
Family counsling would be a good start. Everyone, not just the little girl.
Maybe the little girl is more afraid of hurting her mother then getting in trouble.
Everyone needs to start talking to each other or this will get worse.
2006-11-26 17:39:08 · answer #3 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is important to stay out of the middle of this as much as you can and still be supportive. Look at how your daughters mother must feel about loosing her status as wife and mother even if she was the at fault person. She sees you as getting the best end of the deal even if she dumped your husband. If at all possible get counseling for step daughter so that she can work out her feelings with someone that can see both sides. Daughter will have to learn how to cope with this situation for the rest of her life and it is tough when a girl feels her own mother doesn't want her. Good luck
2006-11-26 17:41:49 · answer #4 · answered by bluebird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there .......what a mess and that is nothing to do with you when i say this ,what i mean is for this little girl she is in the middle of her mom dad and step mom and is trying to please everyone and just doesnt know how to please any of you ,what you have to start doing is do not say anything about her mom in front of her that is negitive as this will make this weee girl think that she has to say nasty things about her mom to please you and her dad,she needs to start feeling safe and that she can relax and start to open up by talking about her feelings and that what ever she says about any of the seperation between her mom and dad is ok ,her mo must be really angryand not any where like over the split and i know that this is the last thing that you want to here as ive heard it a thousand times as i left my husband and my daughter lived with him for a while and then she decided to move through to us with my new partner and it has been a hard 12 mths,as my daughter has had to deal with the same thing from her dd and all i can say is bare with this ,and things will get easier believe me some times i really have had to bite my tongue as she is telling me things and all i can say is how do you feel about that and excepting her answer as i asked her how she felt about things that where happening ,and ready at the drop of a hat to be there for her with a cuddle and support her as much as possible ,remember she is a pawn in this mess nad i bet her mother is using her in this mess just make sure that you dont and be there to listen to her ,she may only be 11years old but she will be now mor aware of the world and how it goes wrong and will have her own thoughts and views on this ......good luck and take care xx
2006-11-26 17:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry, yet you're basically going to ought to grant her some time- stick with what you assert, yet you actually ought to grant her some area, and probably take her to a therapist, you want to comprehend that she ought to likely a lot quite be with her mom, and so she is going to take that out on you, no count number how marvelous you're, because you're in reality her alternative mom. If she's sexually energetic, the proper element you are able to do is communicate with her about safe practices, because if she's having sex already, she's likely no longer likely to resign basically because you disapprove, and ought to even want to do it extra basically to spite you. I do imagine that she must have a cellular telephone, basically because there are an excellent type of issues accessible that ought to get her into an emergency situation and want to call you or perhaps the police. So possibly try getting between the pay as you flow telephones, and tell her that she continually desires to keep a minimum of ten minutes left over each month in case of emergency, or you'll basically provide up procuring it altogether. in case you disapprove of her having boys sleep over, then do not enable her, yet keep in mind that if she has a window, they could nevertheless are available in, and then it is going to likely be without your permission, and probably extra risky for all of you, because I doubt they're going to be resonsible enought to fasten that window, so in case you actually do not want them spending the nighttime, i ought to examine the window too, and probably get one which basically received't open. good success, and examine out to be fantastically marvelous around the holiday journeys, because she's really going to be lacking her mom then.
2016-10-16 10:40:09 · answer #6 · answered by coombe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be the best step-mom and dad to her that you both can be. Do not talk about or belittle her mom to her. She knows the bad things about her mom anyway.
Both my step-kids now live with my husband and me, along with the 2 little ones we had together. The oldest chose to live with us and took her up on her offer when she was threatening to send him to live with dad. The younger was taken from mom and step-dad by CPS and placed with us.
Make sure you do what you can to make sure she knows that you both love her, that mom loves her and that she is a great kid.
2006-11-26 17:40:02 · answer #7 · answered by Angie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going through the same situation here with2 kids.6-10 yrs old.It's a no win situation.The mother is probably jealous of you and the kid is probably playing both sides at times.(especially when she don't get her way)I know its tough.I don't really have a solution for you just letting you know what I think the reason might be and that your not alone!good luck!
2006-11-26 17:36:01 · answer #8 · answered by lady2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send her off to ther other parent and let the door hit her @$$ on the way out or do how latin women been doing for year beat her down
2006-11-26 17:32:28 · answer #9 · answered by luis_11211 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her 2 therapy and if she doesn't get better, give full custidy 2 her REAL mom
2006-11-26 17:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by bossy_94 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋