Teenage depression, really bad...?

Question

In a nutshell, I have always had confidence issues. These were exaggerated by the fact that I am a fraternal twin, and my sister is my exact opposite; that is, overly pushy, domineering, et cetera. I have always shared a tiny bedroom with her, so I have no space of my own.

Because of our differentiation issues, I have a lot of trouble accepting myself as a female and acting accordingly. I just recently stopped consciously emulating boys. That's an issue.

I'm also scared to pursue anything new because I'm afraid that people will stop liking me for it, my sister will mock me in to the dirt, and my father -who supports me no matter what, this is my specific issue- won't completely approve and that will just kill me. I have no real interests or personality and am constantly seeking the approval of others. I have adapted my tastes in clothing and music to be minimally offensive to other people. I constantly want people to excuse me for breathing. I feel like a burden all the time...

I have some kind of issue with hyperactivity as well. It's not ADD/ADHD, but I get so hyperactive I can't think. I have to constantly run, twitch, et cetera and can't focus on anything at all. It's really screwing me up; I've spent two years on 8/7 math and am only 3/4 of the way through because I just can't remember anything. This also makes it difficult for me to pursue a hobby as I can't focus on one thing long enough.

I don't seem to be able to care about anything enough to pursue it. I constantly feel like a huge financial and emotional burden on everyone around me. I try to be low-maintenance but then I'll do something stupid like break my glasses and my parents will have to shell out $150 on new ones. I hate being so useless.

I don't write stories or poetry, relate to songs, or talk to my friends about this stuff. I'm an internal person.

I also have a major issue with insomnia.

Okay, scratch that about my father, he's an asshole.

I was playing some Modest Mouse and he came in and said, "How can you stand listening to that ****?" My sister did the same thing and constantly made gagging noises, et cetera whenever I mentioned things.

I'm also having anger issues; I really, really want to smash someone's face in.

A lifelong fear of sharp objects is coming back; whenever I see a knife I'm afraid it's going to fall and chop my hand off but I also wonder what it would be like to stick needles in my eyes...

christ, i'm ****** up.

Answer 1

We are ALL ****** up. Don't feel so bad. It's no wonder your pissed off. It sounds to me like noone respects you. I have been dealing with depression since I was in the Third grade. I didn't find out I had ADD until I was 27 or 28 and I figured that one out on my own. I'm not gonna lie being a Teenage girl is Hell. I bet your very smart, and sensitive. And when your a teenager and so many girls out there are stupid little bitches that only care about the stupidest **** you just wanna *****-slap them and then puke. If there is anyway possible you need to get your OWN room. Every girl needs their own space, Especially introverts, it is bad for people like us not to have any (ME) space. I know how hard it is and it might takes years but if you can learn to accept that you are the way you are, and be ok with it. It does get better. You've gotta say LOOK EVERYONE...**** OFF!!! I'm not like you and Glad I'm not. I know I'm weird..and mental, I can function in normal society because I'm on lots of drugs :) legal ones now..
Remember this also. Depression the chronic kind that doesn't go away is usually from a chemical imbalance. You might just need to up your seotonin levels or maybe your body does'nt make enough Dopamine. Getting the right Medicine can help tremendously. What ever you do don;t hold all that anger inside you. It really can make you sick. Depression ***** up your entire body, not just your head. Find yourself a good Doctor, one that really wants to help you feel better, not just some Asshole who wants to dope you up to shut you up. (This can take a long time) But YOU are hiring THEM, if you don't like them find someone better. Good Luck Girl I hope you go out there and Kick ***

Answer 2

Your sister is no authority on what is the right way to behave or live. Ignore her. Better yet, dress the exact opposite of the way you dressed before and make sure she says stuff to you. Note it all down in a diary everyday for a week and read it all aloud at bedtime to her and tell her that someday you will use all this stuff in a comedy book and add her name in the "aknowledgements' list.

Don't bother so much about all the stuff people say and what they expect you to do. (Just make sure you never hurt anyone.)
If all the people did exactly what everyone else wants them to do, we'd still be in the caves. It is because people stuck to their own uniqueness, that we have great artists and scientists and leaders and what nots. Read about them -- atleast three-fourths of that population was unnecesarily criticised at some or the other point of time.
Cheer up! I suggest you start the diary routine today.

Answer 3

It sounds like you need to figure out who you are as a person, but have no space in which to do so. You could try asking your parents for your own room or try joining a sports team without your sister. If you can't get your own room, then find a bunch of stuff you like (posters, pictures, furniture, fabrics, etc.) and decorate your side of the room to your own taste. If you still have trouble deciding who you are, decide who you want to be. Find a positive role model, someone who you would like to be like in the future, and look to that person for guidance. Either way, don't worry about it too much. Finding yourself and your own unique identity is what being a teenager is all about.

Answer 4

God, I what that feels like. I don't have any advice for you other than the fact you need to find some sort of catharsis. Get a hobby and pursue it relentlessly until you can put yourself in a more favorable position. It may be escapism, but it's the only thing that helped me. Good luck, whatever you decide.

Answer 5

Try reading 'Prozac Nation' by Elizabeth Wurtzel. It changed my life as a teenager,every page I thought "this is me!"
I don't even know where to start- I feel like I've been in your shoes before. IM me if you want to talk. You should find a therapist, or if that is too big a step, try to find a chat room, a message board, somewhere you can express yourself and realize your own personality.

Answer 6

Been reading some of the responses that you've gotten so far.
It'd be nice if you could hook up with a group that deals STRICK-LY with those suffering from depression.
Stay away from the mixed groups.
In as far as your relationship with other people,I don't know what
to tell you.
Don't know you,don't know the people you're around.
But,I can tell you that you're only a burden as long as YOU want
to feel that you are.Regardless of their thoughts.
You're only as much of a burden as you want to be!!!
BE your own self.
Lots of luck,kiddo.




















you

Answer 7

OMG, i know exactly how you feel. instead, it's my father who mocks me. i haven't solved my own dilema yet(anxiety depression/confidence issues) but what has and is really helping me is a really close friend of mine, my best friend of four years, and she goes through everything with me. i think you need to find someone outside your family who will listen to you no matter what, and will tell you what you want to hear. This helps ALOt also, i suggest going to the school counselor (and, i'm not sure about this, but don't ask your parents for help, mine always answered that i'm a teenager and that i'll get over it on my own), and that will help alot, too. best of luck, please recover! :)

Answer 8

This is a very good blog, a beginner’s guide to abnormal psychology.
Short, clear and simple; and you can even post your question and contact the author regarding particular subject you are interested in, for FREE

http://sensitive-psychoworld.blogspot.com/

Answer 9

You need to talk to somebody or this will drive you more crazy. Do you have a counselor at school you can speak to or a good friend who will not judge you? a family member. mom an aunt you need to speak to an un-buased person i wish you the best with this issue. BE YOURSELF REGARDLESS. YOU ARE TRYING TO SATISFY YOUR LIFE NOT THEIRS. STAY YOU!

Answer 10

You ARE bipolar, go look it up on webmd.com or something and then see a psychiatrist about meds ASAP. That **** will **** your life up bad. Take care of it while you're still on your parents dime.....good luck.