I'm married with kids but I also have two girlfriends - am I a bad person?

Question

I think men are not programmed for this 'one woman' idea.
The girls both know i'm married and both appear to accept i will never get divorced, we have kids i will never leave them. So i have been totally honest but i'm sure people will think this is wrong, but why?

Answer 1

Pray your wife never finds out or one of the girlfriends decides that she want you and is tired of sharing you with the wife and kids, or better yet all 3 find out about each other. When that happens then you will understand why it is wrong.

Answer 2

I like the way you say "...I will never get divorced" "...I will never leave " Gee, if she doesn't know about your situation now,I think your wife might have something to do with that decision when she finds out.
If your Dad was in your situation, when you were a kid, would you have been OK with it? If your parents divorced because of it, would you have been traumatized? Maybe this was your situation. If it was, was it OK with you?
I knew a Muslim family in the Middle East with 3 wives. They were all good friends, shared the chores and responsibilities of raising the children. One big happy family, ala Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher. But this is rare, even over there. If this is your situation , then , no, I wouldn't think you're a 'bad' person.
But if you knew that several other lives that you have willfully accepted responsibility for,would be devastated, traumatized, and permanently affected by what you're doing ,but you decided that your life and 'programming' are more important than theirs. Then I would call that selfish and self centered above and beyond reasonable acceptance. And, yeah, I would call that 'bad'.
Is it OK because they'll never find out (what they don't know won't hurt them; Ask the guys down at divorce court, they thought the same thing)? Well,is it morally OK to steal just because you think you won't get caught?
I'm 'programmed' to eat when I'm hungry, but through development of 'character' I've learned to override my 'programming' and not grab the hamburger of the stranger next to me.
I don't believe men (or women) are 'programmed' to cheat. I think it's possible we are 'programmed' to assess the desirability of a partner (notice if some one is good looking , notice if we are attracted to them) going back to the cave days, but I believe acting on that 'programming' is a learned behavior.
What I'd find an interesting answer is whether you really care if you're a good or bad person.

Answer 3

At the time of my reply, you have had 32 answers already so no doubt someone has already said to you what i am going to say to you.

You are not a bad person, but your actions are bad! You are not being 'totally honest' like you say you are unless your wife knows that you also have two girlfriends.

I suspect she might know as it must be hard to keep up with two girls and a wife!

Enjoy it while it lasts. Probably the girls will get fed up and want a man of their own and babies, and then your wife, with the kids a little older, will find the strength to leave you. Then you will have nothing.

I agree that lots of men would ideally have more than one woman on the go. It is an age-old problem. That is why me and my hubbie are swingers.

Answer 4

If your not 'programmed' as you call it for one women then why did you get married in the first place. Marriage is a commitment that you make to a person that you love. Do you really love your wife if not then maybe you should consider getting divorced. How are you being honest when the one person you should be honest with is your wife not your g/f's. How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot and your wife was cheating on you and had two b/f's. Would you like it?

Answer 5

In my personal opinion, you are in the wrong. For one you haven't said you have been honest with your wife. So totally honest is an overstatement. Some would say that is morally wrong. Morals have been derived in our society for a specific reason: to keep order in an otherwise chaotic world. By doing this you aren't only damaging you own situation but also others' around you. Unless your wife understands the situation in its entirety and is fully content with your decisions, then you are in the wrong. If you are unwilling to tell her, then you also know you're wrong. If you fear she wouldn't understand, you are wrong. I suggest you tell her or leave her and/or one of the others. If you tell her and it results in a divorce, so be it. THAT is the correct and "moral" thing to do.

As for "Men" being programmed for more than one woman is ridiculous. That idea is a fabrication of men representing lust and uncontrolled behavior. I am a man, and I respect myself and the woman I'm with. I control any erratic feelings and lusts that I may have and deal with being a real man.

I'm not trying to make you feel gulity, but if I am then you are wrong.

Answer 6

Does your wife know? I have a feeling she doesnt.
you ask WHY is it wrong? You wouldnt be asking at all if you thought it was right.
Would you like your children to be this unfaithfully when they get married? When they have children do/act the same as you?
I don't think so, do you?
You are SO wrong. You must have made your wedding vows with your fingers crossed.
It degrades everything your marriage stands for everytime your unfaithfully. You love your wife. have a family, work hard pay the bills. Not very exciting the day to day of life but its what everybody does. Some days you are so in love with your partner you cant get enough of them, other days you wonder why your still there.
I hate to state the obvious but welcome to real life.
Your kids will be in the middle of this mess you have created, I feel so sorry for them. Why have a family if you had no intention of being faithful to them?

Answer 7

In one word - yes - it is wrong. There is no two ways about it & you're wasting your time & lying to yourself if you're trying to justify it. Think of it like this for a minute....if you were in your girlfriends position - you were in love and had two wonderful children only to find out that she had had two other boyfriends the whole time.....heartbreaking!!!!! To know that all the time & effort you had put in was a lie & a waste of time!! That's such a kick in the face & you are a typical male by saying 'men aren't good with the one partner' thing. What bullshit.......if you truly loved someone (enough to have children with them) the thought of being unfaithful or being with someone else would never cross your mind. It is wrong - if you want to see other women....be a man....leave the woman who trusts you, leave your children who also trust you.....and go out and **** all the women you like......but don't lie to your family......they are the most important thing & if you keep lying one day they will find out & you'll have nothing. Grow up & be a man there are more important things in life than getting your dick wet.

Answer 8

Oh no... you are not a 'bad person', in my perspective: you are just an a**hole, a disgrace to the male gender. You know, it's people like you that makes women lost their trust in men. Yeah, to be honest with you, I'm glad that you are ok with youself and 'had been honest with the girlfriends you are with' but what about your wife and your children? What kind of husband are you? What kind of FATHER are you? Ask yourself if you are setting a good example for your children? How would you feel if you find out that your wife have two boyfriends outside? Sure, you may feel like you are the luckest man alive, but your wife and children are suffering a great deal of your happiness. Best of luck....to your wife and children.

Answer 9

Yes you are.

You made a promise. That promise was not, "I'll sleep with you until I get bored and then go chasing skirts and leave you with the kids", it was "until death do you part". You've already broken that promise - times two. And I notice that while you say that the girlfriends know that you're married and are willing to accept that you aren't divorcing your wife, you didn't say anything about how your wife feels about it, or about the fact that you're taking chances with her health and your own - or haven't you ever heard of AIDS and the slew of other diseases you can pick up sleeping around?

What the hell kind of example do you think you're giving to your kids? Would you want your future son-in-law treating your daughter the way that you're treating your wife?

My father was loyal to my mother all his life, and he was damn proud of it because he DID have opportunities to stray, and he turned them down. He did that because he loved and respected my mother and he knew that to betray her like that would be a slap in her face, and because he was an honorable man who didn't hide behind excuses about how men "aren't programmed for this 'one woman' idea".

You need to grow up, stop thinking with your balls, and do what's right. Either keep it in your pants or be honest with your wife and kids and let her decide whether she wants to dump your tail on the sidewalk like you so richly deserve.

Answer 10

I'm assuming your WIFE,your supposed PARTNER is not aware of the other two women? Therefore your definition of total honesty is somewhat flawed...would your wife accept the situation? If she's happy, then no problem - if she has no idea and you are deceiving her, then yes, you are a bad person. There are all sorts of nightmare scenarios could come of this - one of your girlfriends gets pregnant, or passes an STD on to you and you pass it to your wife, the possibilities are endless. How would you feel if you found your wife had a lover? Does the mother of your children deserve to be betrayed, deceived and have her sexual health at risk without even being aware of it? You are an amoral liar in my opinion. Unless of course I have misread the situation and you have your wife's blessing to be a promiscuous fool.

Answer 11

Why is it wrong? Are you deaf? Did you hear your marriage vows? Your poor wife. You say you've been totally honest, to your wife or just the two girls? Answer to your question, YES you are a bad person. A real bad person. Is it okay if your wife has a couple of affairs? Thought not. Bet you'd raise ten kinds of he**.
Glad I don't know you. By the way REAL men don't cheat.