when im with my bf i feel ok. now when hes at work im ok. but when he goes to his house or do a party (dj) im not ok. then when he finally does spend time with me it is like he is bored or spending time with me out of obligation. then i want him to go and do what he wants cuz i feel guilty that im keeping him from doing what men like to do and that is be free when they want. i have mixed feelings. im not insecure but he has lied before and it makes me want to know what he is doing or i start wondering. like he didnt go anywhere this weekend and i felt guilty. so he slept almost the whole day. which is still like hes not here. so i need to do something with my self so i wont care what hes doing. even if im busy i still wonder what he is doing. im sick of feeling like this. i feel i cant trust him sometimes. i know if that is the case i need to let him go. but atthe same time i dont want to loose him. i think if i start agreeing he go when he wants he will be in and out my door to much.
2006-11-26 15:53:35 · 10 answers · asked by eaglestraces123 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't change other people so lets look at you.
You said it in your opening line. YOU are dependent on this person. You are depending on him for your self worth and you are robbing yourself of your dignity just to say to yourself and others that (at least) you are not alone.
There is no love where there is no foundation of trust. You do not trust him to respect you and it is making you crazy. You are expecting him to hurt you and you are living in fear of that moment. It is making you unhappy and being unhappy at your core only makes you less attractive to him (and others). This makes him feel even less like hanging around you in the way you would like him to.
The only way to solve this is for you to find a way to be happy. Perhaps he (or anyone else) can't do that for you.
You see, when you love yourself, when you have pride in what you do, you naturally bring good things to a relationship (friends, family, lovers, whatever) and those things add value. That is where you need to start or else you will just have more of the same.
The best way to begin is to pursue things that you think you would like to do or learn about, take a class or join a club, take dance lessons or whatever, just get out of the house. Forget about him, you are doing this FOR YOU! You are doing things that you are interested in, not things that you think he would think are interesting. Don't let him (or anyone else) change your mind. Your opinions and desires are important. Always be on the lookout for interesting things to do and interesting people to do them with. If your man is interested, he may join you in some of these things, if not, he may fade more and more away. Either way, HE, or any man, needs to bring good things to your life too, or what the hell good is he. As long as you depend on him for your self worth, you give him permission to bring nothing to the table.
Fundamentally, it makes no difference if this guy stays, goes, or screws 100 women tomorrow. If you truly believe you are worth better, the worst you will feel is disappointment that he lied, and pity for his sorry a s s. You will move on to someone that will appreciate you for the wonderful, talented and imperfect women that you are.
I know that you can do it or you never would have asked the question. Just put one foot in front of the other and be patient. It will happen for you.
If you feel you need some help, talk to someone professional about your feelings and thoughts. Might help you get to the bottom of things a bit faster.
Good luck dear.
2006-11-26 16:43:50 · answer #1 · answered by tcb9020 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sucks to get screwed over and not be able to make any sense other than self pity and parade grievances at a bad person they only run from it they don't change, usually at the end they blame u for it saying things that guilt trip are made of being too nice, by the time i realized I'd been had it was leaving me broke pissed and hanging on to it because there was no way to replace what i had spent all the time and money sitting up was just not of any value to them, sorry it happens both ways too, they usually got an ultra-ego that was hidden in the beginning and they never were playing with a full deck to start with usually they were just a con game or head game and were trying to have the upper hand so they would never have it happen to them, cause they play this bait & switch game cause they can't face the ugly side that is the loser so they make it happen to you so it doesn't happen to them, so they never do get in to it for real the're just a head game from the start
2006-11-27 00:13:05 · answer #2 · answered by bev 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just my opinion or off the cuff so to speak but it sounds like you need the people of " Cheaters" to check out your b/f. Unless i miss my guess he is doing some outrageous things that you don't have a clue about. You are the "security" blanket to him..he can go out a party or whatever but he always has " good ole you " to fall back on. If "Cheaters" is busy..lol....try the direct approach....ask him....I doubt he will be honest but he might surprise you.
2006-11-27 00:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
or you can try spending more time doing things that he likes to do. you never know if your gonna like playing x box untill your hands fall off or watching football untill your eyes cant bare to be open for another second.
if you think you depend on him too much do what i did when i was to dependant of my boyfriend, talk to your friends about what you usualy talk to your boyfriend about. i know its not what you want but it would be kinda like they're replacing him and its kinda what friends are there to do. if you dont want to replace him then it'll just lighten up on him a bit i guess.
i dont want to say this but it looks to me like he doesnt feel the same way as you do. you dont have to change for him. you can try what i suggested and if you dont like the stuff he does than dont force yourself to, but give it some time in the beggining
2006-11-26 23:59:29 · answer #4 · answered by sined 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIRST OF ALL YOU NEED TO LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR SELF. NOT FOR A MAN.. START DOING THINGS THAT WILL
KEEP YOU BUSY, SO THAT YOU WONT BE WORRY ABOUT
WHAT HE DOING ALL THE TIME.. IF YOU TRUST THIS GUY
THEN YOU WILL NOT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THIS
WHAT GOING. TO MUCH DEPENDENT ON THIS GUY WILL
NOT KEEP THIS RELATIONSHIP GOING AFTER WHILE.
IF YOU DONT TRUST HIM THAT A ANOTHER MATTER ALL
TOGETHER. AND IF THAT IT THEN TALK TO HIM ABOUT
HOW Y0U FEEL. OTHER WISE THIS SITUATION WILL GET
A LOT WORST.
2006-11-27 00:05:01 · answer #5 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
loving a person can lead to being emotionally attached to them, to a point where all you can think about is them. this feeling heartwrenching, and sometimes unbearable. i'm not sure if he feels the same way about you, some say love is give and take, but if you give to your significant other and never think of receiving in return....that is true love.....i know its crazy....but love is anything but rational.
2006-11-27 00:13:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-11-26 23:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by GDI Hudgins 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One lesson you need to learn....being in a relationship isn't supposed to make you miserable.
If it does you're in the wrong relationship.
Your choice.
2006-11-26 23:56:01 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
spend time apart go out with your friends. Maybe it will re-ignite the fire.
2006-11-26 23:58:39 · answer #9 · answered by bigpumpdaddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him..and tell him what u think..
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2006-11-26 23:54:57 · answer #10 · answered by c g 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋