That is a whole other story.
I am hosting Christmas at my home. I extended an invitation to my brothers "friend" to join us at Christmas. My fiancee said that if my brother brought his lover, he nor his son would come to my home to celebrate Christmas with us. He said he is careful what he exposes his son to and I certainly understand his point of view with regard to his son.
On top of that I have asked my brother to give me away at my wedding in April. My father is deceased and I have no other male relative I am close to. His lover is behaving like he is coming to my wedding even though I have not formally invited him. I do not have a problem with who he is with, but I have other people to consider and not sure what I should do. I live in the bible belt - need I say more? I want my brothers friend to feel part of the family, but I also do not want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable. I also do not want drama at Christmas or my wedding.
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
2006-11-26 14:39:12 · 16 answers · asked by femmenoire@sbcglobal.net 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
If your fiancee wasn't the one making the stand, then you don't need to do anything. If you want to invite him, then do it. If you don't want them at your ceremonies, then don't invite them.
If your guests decide not to show up because of that, then that's on them.
You can't get caught in the middle. Let the people who are offended take their stand and let the gay people and the offended argue over this. You are not going to be able to play peacemaker in this situation.
People are going to stand for what they believe in and you are not going to resolve this issue with them.
But since your fiancee has a problem with gay people in his home, then you either need to side with your fiancee or get a new one. If you are divided over this issue, it will cause too many problems with your marriage since your brother is gay and you seem to be close to him. Part of marriage is becoming "one flesh". If you are going to allow this to divide your marriage, that means you do not have the intention of becoming "one flesh" and you will remain divided and have an unhappy marriage.
You're going to have to choose sides in this case. Marriage is about siding with your spouse. If you don't respect him in this case, then you shouldn't get married.
Your fiancee is taking a stand for what he believes in and I respect him for it. These days, people think we should tolerate everything for the sake of peace. I disagree totally. If we tolerate everything, then evil will prevail. I don't care if I'm called a bigot, a homophobe, gay basher or whatever PC name they label me as. I would take the same stand as your future husband.
2006-11-26 14:55:31 · answer #1 · answered by IL Padrino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welp, you're in a pickle, aren't you? I live in the Bible belt too, so I can understand a bit about what's going on here. A couple of things to keep in mind:
Your brother is your brother. He's always going to be your brother, no matter whether or not he happens to be straight or gay. If his sexuality is a problem for your fiance, then explain to your fiance that your family is very important to you and that when you all are married, his son will most likely be exposed to your brother in one way or another. Remind him as well that homosexuality is neither a virus nor a demon (his son can't catch it). If he is still adamant about not coming to Christmas if your brother is there, then ask him if you two can make arrangements to celebrate Christmas at another time. In other words, you celebrate the holiday with your brother and his boyfriend and then celebrate it with your fiance. It seems as though your family is important to you. If your brother's boyfriend has moved in, then your brother probably likes the guy a great deal. Try to make him feel welcome and consider talking with your brother privately about how to address the wedding situation. I personally have never been to a wedding where I was not expected to bring a date.
Good luck!
2006-11-26 14:59:22 · answer #2 · answered by TransyMAJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
boy you are in a dilemma. the holidays seem to amplify these situations, don't they? well, it seems to me first of all lots of prayer is in order. can you talk to your brother about your concerns about his partner and the dilemma concerning family? that may help. it takes family a long time to get over and move on in these situations and if your brothers coming out is still a fresh wound to some in your family, maybe together you can work on what is best for everyone. i get a sense that you love your brother and won't let this situation divide you two and i think God is pleased with that. on another note, don't worry about you offending others by having your brothers friend at your wedding. it is your wedding and i would do what you feel is best, if people are offended, it is not you that is doing the offending. take the pressure off yourself sister!!
2006-11-26 14:51:18 · answer #3 · answered by work in progress 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I love my gay brother and I would invite him because I would want him there. Your fiance is being naive about homosexuality and his son. How old is the son, if he is young enough he wont git it or care. You can,t catch homosexuality and the boy will be exposed whether he wants him to be or not. Children are coming out at a much younger age now a days. I would think it would be the perfect time to discuss the issue if the child wants to.For the church people, Poo Poo on them.
2006-11-26 15:32:17 · answer #4 · answered by Roberto 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your brother's live in lover is part of your family and he is a large part of your brother's life. If you have no problem with his being there and want your brother to feel that you love and accept him it is your wedding allow him to bring his lover. If your fiance feels that strong about not allowing your brother to the party then let him stay away. Family is the most important thing you have.
2006-11-26 14:54:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
what a person really needs to know in order to help you is what were the reactions of brother and friend when you told them exactly what you told us.
unlike some answerers I can see your fiance's point if they were alcohalics then they would not take that stand. We all have our weaknesses and for a child to get new ideas about how to be weak is not cool. I know our society is accept same sex relationships but I myself would not want my child to hang with murderers, gossips, adulterers, railers, gossips, thieves, drunks, biters, gossips, or gossips or people who might exhibit same sex love in other ways besides sex. I would not treat them any different than gossips but I would not let my kids get the idea that gossiping was a good idea, because I invited them into my home.
You could just explain it to the child but to do that would entail saying brother has a problem he insists on practicing. You are in the belt you know those arround you think all that, except they think gossiping is OK, but its not.
love them the same way you would a family member with a drug problem.,
2006-11-26 14:43:26 · answer #6 · answered by ronnysox60 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Invite both your brother and his lover. You invite heterosexual people with their lovers, don't you? If you go through life worrying about what others will think then you have a problem and not the others that you refer to. Bible belt or not, show that you are open and affirming and ignor the small-minded people.
2006-11-26 14:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by Pablo 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's a horrible situation you are in, but if I were in your place, I would have to side with my brother--your brother is already family, and for your fiancee to be urging you to alienate yourself from your own family is not a good sign of a healthy relationship--if he loves you he will deal, if he doesn't then he is just trying to control you
2006-11-26 14:52:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The most loving & gracious thing you can do is invite him/them, & let everyone deal with him/them in their own way.
Allow your brother the honor of giving you away.
Gays get enough flack from the religious right; & we ALL need as much love as we can get.
Good for you for having him/them over for the holidays.
Teach the South some Scriptural love!!
2006-11-26 14:52:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell your furture husband to grow up give me a break.I've had gay friends at my wedding & my home & they don't bother people they are better then normal people some of them are sex offenders rapeists you name it but a gay person won't bother you your future husband is trying to make you disown your brother don't let him do it.I'd tell him Blood is Thicker then Water..Good Luck
2006-11-26 14:44:05 · answer #10 · answered by sugarbdp1 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋