I have two children from my ex. From the moment we seperated i was pregnant with our second child and we already had a 6 year old. He got with another woman and he stayed away for months and now that he is running away from the law he wants to be apart of their lives, but a month ago he would just come for an hour and see them. He denied his son for months because his new girlfriend made him believe he was not his until he was born and saw our son and he never signed the birth certificate agian because of her. Our daughter though does not really ask about her daddy anymore and also thinks that is my fault. Now he wants me to send his children to the place hes staying (300 miles away) just to see him when he doesnt pay court ordered child supprt and wants a paternity test because of his new girlfriend wants one. What should I do?
2006-11-26 14:33:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
First off file for child support right away. They will set up paternity testing for both children for free (if you weren't married.. if you were if he wants a test he will have to pay for it) , and once it's proven that he is the father he will be ordered by the court to pay. *Then* you can set up a visitation schedule.
2006-11-26 14:35:12 · answer #1 · answered by Pashta 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow have I been in your place, but my ex actually got put in prison.
One thing is he has to have some kind of relationship, this is what the courts told me. He drag us to court on many occasions when he got out...
Until the visitation is set I would not send the kids with him. Unless you can trust him? Prison did nothing for my ex...
This confuses small children to know end! Tell him to start calling on a regular bases to form some kind of relationship...
The courts here in our state does not see child support as being part of visitations...mine owes over $20,000. In no way do you ever speak in front of the kids about the money nor bad things about him, I found this out by my attorney. She said the judge would not look good on me if I brought up anything to do with money.
Good luck and use your own judgment! I went through him taking me to court ever year or two after he was released from prison (7 years almost), his parents flipped his bill. The good people of the state we live in and I paid for my attorney and court costs, and driving the 6 hours to court and, and.....He never did get what he wanted from the courts....
BTW Our state will not "make" him pay nor will they take anything away from him to sell, or put him in jail for not paying child support. Check with your state to see what they do with dead beat parents...we are in Oregon.
2006-11-26 22:48:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's running from the law, he hasn't a legal leg to stand on. Furthermore, since he denies paternity of the youngest child, he can't make demands about visitation concerning the youngest child.
Now, this is just me, but if you want to protect yourself and your children, then first thing tomorrow morning, go and file for legal and physical custody of the children. And don't say you can't afford it, there are fee waivers and family law facilitators that make it possible for you to do this for free. Once the process is started, he won't be able to make these unreasonable requests of you, and it sounds like the girlfriend knows enough to make life a pain in the *** for you...protect yourself
2006-11-26 22:43:25 · answer #3 · answered by Laura M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not send your children to that man. If he wants to see them, let him come to you. He doesn't even pay child support. You know they can take it out of his check. He needs to pay. That money could even be put in a fund for your kid's college education. Did you get a good lawyer? I'd get a lawyer ASAP. You owe it to your kids to do that too. Don't let that man get away with that. I wish you the best. Stay strong. I'm sure you're doing a great job on your kids without his help anyway.
2006-11-26 22:37:32 · answer #4 · answered by vmarie84 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have got to be kidding me??!!!! This guy was nothing more than a sperm donor. Being a good father is the most important thing in the world to children. Why he wants them to come to where he is when he hasn't fullfilled his own obligations as a parent makes me highly suspicious. Keep the communications open with your children NOT him!! Until he can do right, and I mean RIGHT, keep him away from them. He is not demonstrating his ability to teach his children anything but bad and evil! He is up to something and believe me, it's not in your or your childrens best interest!
2006-11-26 22:39:28 · answer #5 · answered by foxfire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is NEVER an easy situation to solve. I would say this: never keep your children away from their dad because then you end up being the "bad guy". He is their dad and they have a right to know him. With that being said......DON'T let him take them from you! Not even for visitation. HE CHOSE TO LEAVE! Therefore, he knows where they are. Let him know that he is welcome to come to YOUR house and visit the kids but that he will NOT be taking them with him. He doesn't know them....if he is serious about this, then he will agree that they all need to get to know eachother before the kids go anywhere with him. As for the girlfriend....she either needs to accept his children or she needs to butt out!!!
2006-11-27 16:29:49 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen you chose to keep the second kid when you knew he wasnt going to continue to be involved...so you shouldnt be expecting him to pay child support in the first place...
why should you "send" the kids to see him.... why cant he come get them?? kids that age shouldnt be sent anywhere... they should be accomanied by a parent...
if he wants the paternity test - let him pay for it.. if you know he is the dad then whats the point of not doing it?? its not like it matters anyhow does it???
2006-11-26 22:58:30 · answer #7 · answered by CF_ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes let him be there for the children.....in time the kids will make up their own mind about him...meaning let them decide who the bad guy is, kids are smart theyll figure it out...but hey one sign of abuse...call it off.......give him enough rope...hell hang himself, and youll be and have a clear consconce with you children......keepin him from your kids will make your relationships with your kids harder or even to the point of not speaking, i know you dont want that....so let then see him, let them decide..itll clear you from all wrong doing.....you may not like the idea, but trust me, time will tell.........ummm trust me on this.i was keeped from my dad, and well when i got older i blamed my mom, i lost 10 yrs with my mom because of him, i had to find out for myself....what im sayin is let them find out now...not later.....its not worth it.....but im happy to say now me and mom are talking again......and yes he was a piece of ****.........love ya hope this helped ya....
2006-11-26 22:53:06 · answer #8 · answered by jdog44442003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you don't have that option. He could take you to court and get rights. Sry.
2006-11-26 22:35:34 · answer #9 · answered by Trisha 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋