I took my bf to my aunts this weekend for him to meet the family as well as my mother who was traveling from two hours away. Well mom showed up an hour and a half late completely drunk! I know she has a drinking problem but I was shocked to see that she'd drive that far in that state of intoxication. My aunt and I discussed it and I guess my uncle (moms brother) has known about this problem for years and doesn't want to deal with it. My grandpa went down south for the winter because he doesn't want to deal with her...and I live 6 hrs away and don't want to deal with her drinking issue either. She denies it of course. So question...do I make peace that I feel like I can't help and be like the rest of my family or should I try to get my family to help me help her?
2006-11-26 13:48:41 · 8 answers · asked by Stephanie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I had talked to my mom a few times this past month about us all meeting this saturday at my aunts. Well when we got there saturday no one was there....so my bf and I sat at my aunts for an hour before my aunt got home and was completely surprised and happy to see us. Mom was late... and my uncle and cousins weren't there because they didn't know we were coming.
2006-11-26 14:09:00 · update #1
Steph, I was in a similar situation to the one your in about 10 years ago. My dad arrived at a Christmas party at my great aunts house drunk and 2 hours late. The family that was there including my grandparents(my dads parents) new about his problem and new he was drunk that evening. He made a complete fool of himself the entire night and even poured scalding hot coffee on my hand and never saying anything to me after he did it. For years we all tried getting him help, he was even in a rehab center twice but it didn't help him. A little over 7 years ago he passed away from alcoholism. To this day I wish we would have tried harder to do something but I know everyone did what we could. I guess what I am saying is there is nothing you can do for your mom, she has to be the one who wants to get help. Do what you can for her, tell her how you feel but in the end the decision is hers to get help. I wish you best of luck. If you ever want to talk please email me at stevensherm@yahoo.com. I know what your going through.
2006-11-26 14:03:21 · answer #1 · answered by stevensherm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stephanie,
I am so sorry about your situation. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic. And speaking from experience, you can not help your mother unless she wants to be helped. Much like a person on drugs. It's a disease. And that person has to hit rock bottom before they will get help! That could mean getting into an accident and killing someone else (heaven forbid). But that's how it goes. So until then, you could encourage her to go to AA and offer to go with her, but it doesn't mean she'll go. She's been drinking for too long. She may even have cirrhosis of the liver already. My uncle has that. It's when the alcohol just eats away at your liver, eventually killing it so it doesn't function anymore. And you can't live with out you liver.
I wish you all the best in what ever you decide to do. I am just so sorry you have to go through this. Good luck.
2006-11-26 14:51:38 · answer #2 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why wouldn't you try to help? How would you feel if your mother got into an accident and was severely injured or even killed. Even worse, what if she caused the death of an innocent person or family because of her problem. You have to decide whether you love your mom, or do you just say the words. If you really love her, find a way to convince the rest of your family of the necessity of getting her help.
2006-11-26 14:00:34 · answer #3 · answered by Brad 56 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...my heart is here for you hun! Well, the moral thing to do is get all the family and try to intervene. But know that it won't be fun...and she may run...but at least you guys can say you tried. Unfortunately alcoholism is a disease but can be under conrol/cured IF and WHEN the person hits rock bottom and wants to get the help. Please also consider because it is a disease it can run in families so seek some knowledge for you and other family members so none of you will ever be in her shoes.
Bless you all.
2006-11-26 13:54:22 · answer #4 · answered by Mamma Mia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stephanie, I really feel for you. I grew up in an alcoholic home and it was hell. But, you can find peace and help. You can suggest that your mother go to AA -- tell her you love her and that help is available if she wants it. For yourself, you can go to Al-Anon, for the families of alcoholics. The meetings provide lots of tools for coping with the helplessness, anger, and fear that go along with living with in alcoholic (even if you don't live w/ your mom physically, you still live with her disease because it affects you). Try to remember that you don't have any control over her actions, but you do have control over how you respond to her. Best of luck, and many blessings.
2006-11-26 14:28:56 · answer #5 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really can't help her. She has to help herself. My father's a recovering alcoholic. He was told by doctors to stop drinking, he was arrested. It finally stopped when I told him I would never speak to him while he was still drinking. Three months after that, he called sober and has been that way ever since. A drunk has to hit rock bottom. For my father, that was losing me. But it is still up to them.
2006-11-26 13:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you want to help her, she's going to have to do it herself. This is not being cold, it's just a fact. You can't change someone who don't want to change.
2006-11-26 14:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL YOUR MOTHER NOT TO DRINK AND DRIVE
WHAT IF SHE HAD AN ACCIDENT AND KILLED SOMEONE
HOW WOULD SHE FEEL
IF SHE DOES NOT STOP MAYBE YOU SHOULD REPORT HER TO THE POLICE
2006-11-27 01:30:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋