I have a boyfriend of over a year and before we started dating he had feelings for this other girl that i used to be good friends with... Within the last 3-4 months his mind has started to wonder and he wonders what woulda happened with that other girl? he says he loves me and wants to be with me forever and that he doens't wanna break up with me for her... yet he still wonders and when she comes around at like a party i feel like his attention goes towards her and he forgets about me.... i know he loves me but i think maybe because i am his first real g/f that maybe he just wonders but will never act on it... what should i do? and does this happen to other ppl??? also... my boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship and the other girl lives back in our home town so when we go home to visit this is when this stuff comes up.... i love him sooo much he means the world to me...what should i do? and does this happen to other ppl???
2006-11-26 13:47:42 · 8 answers · asked by yowkie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This happens to so many people there are a thousand opinions on how to handle this. My opinion is sort of out of the box so you may just disagree with me because it doesn't sound like a normal answer. But here it is.
You can't stop people from thinking about other people. And most people wonder what would have happened if I choose this person instead of that person.
When people get divorced it's usually because they thing they choose the wrong person.
I think no matter who you choose you have to decide what you are willing to put up with and what you are not.
The best way to handle your boyfriend is to let him be open with his thoughts and feelings and never judge him or tell him he's wrong. If he feels you accept him no matter what crazy thoughts he has in his head then he just may love your forever. Acceptance is hard to come by and when you find it you dont' want to let it go. Let him wonder and thrown in your thoughts.
And a warning: long distance relationships are hard to maintain at any age but especailly at your age. You beleive forever is forever but tomorrow that could all change. And if it doesn't work out try to understand that everything happens for a reason. You will always find love if you look for it.
2006-11-26 13:54:28 · answer #1 · answered by jbirdj623 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it happens to other people. It happened to me. A lot of people think about "what if's" if their in a relationship, it's normal; but it's the extent of it. My advice to you is to let him go to avoid hurt later. I speak from personal experience. My ex was always looking at other girls, and I'd ask him about it, and he said that he'd never act on it, and that he was just looking. I know every guy looks at other girls, it's normal, but when you feel that his whole attention is towards her and he's always wondering about her, then yeah, break it up. My ex always said he loved me and he'd never be with another girl and blah blah blah, and I got dumped and now he's partying it up, and had another girlfriend less than a week before we broke up. Hon, men/boys will say ANYTHING to keep you until they're ready to move on to their next conquest. The odds are against you, you're in a long distance relationship with him, you're his first real g/f(which was the same in my case), and he has feelings (and had those feelings before you two started dating) with this other girl, and he always wonders "what if" with her. Yes, I would say break up with him and save yourself the hurt later. I know it's hard since you love him, but eventually you'll get over him and move on.
2006-11-26 13:59:36 · answer #2 · answered by AboutToConvertToLesbianism 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you guys really love each other, but if he is having thoughts of someone else then maybe that's a clear sign that your relationship has played its part. And its a sign that you should find someone who only thinks of you.This happens to a lot people it happen to me. I was in a relationship for over two years and we both start wondering about other people. Eventhough I loved him I wanted to move on. Hope you find someone just for you.
2006-11-26 13:58:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, This happens to other people. It is a drift. He is starting to think of her because his expectations are not being met. He might be too comfortable and thinking of you as a friend. He may be wanting to get involved with the other girl as a curiousity. Usually guys are not really in touch with their feelings so it may take some analogies before he feels comfortable talking straight up to you.
hope this helps.
Eric
2006-11-26 13:53:00 · answer #4 · answered by Eric S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well im kind of in the same position except im in your bf's shoes. i think he really does love you. but if you are his first "real love" then he probably will not leave you for a girl he doesnt kno it will work for.
also long distance relationships are hard. there are ups and downs. you have to understand that. you cant be easy or be really jealous. i hope what im sayin helps.
good luck
2006-11-26 13:54:19 · answer #5 · answered by Alena C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sorry to say but if your bf truly loved you he wouldn't be thinking about another girl and you would be number one in his life,never settle for happiness you deserve so much more and have some self respect for yourself and when your in a relationship you shouldn't feel insecure about the other if you do there's obviously a problem
good luck with everything
2006-11-26 13:56:56 · answer #6 · answered by tesla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he cared for you like you are thinking he does, then he would wonder, but not to this extent and as often. you need to watch him and i dont believe in long distance relationships. take care and good luck. they would drive me bonkers just thinking about what he was doing or not doing. youre a better gal than me.
2006-11-26 13:51:53 · answer #7 · answered by sherryw_1978 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loved you he wouldn't be thinking about "what if" with the other girl.
2006-11-26 13:49:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋