probs with future mother in law?

Question

despite my going out of my way to be nice to her, make her feel included if she wants etc, my mother in law to be hates me. shes said the most horrid things about me, blanked me at our engagement party and not evengiven congratulations to her son.
ive done nothing to her at all but be nice. what to do?

Answer 1

Keep smiling. This too shall pass. Her son has made his choice and the more lovely you are, the less she has to complain about. If this is her first son to be married, she is probably at a loss as to how to behave. She is somewhat jealous and every mother hates to see her little boy find his true love, if it's not the mother! We all get over it, especially when the grandchildren roll around. If it goes on too long however, you may have to politely explain that you wish only the best for her and would appreciate the same.

Answer 2

What you need to understand is that your future mother in law was the only woman in her son's life until you came along. Now has come the time that you will be marrying her son, and she possibly feels that you are taking her boy away, and she may feel threatened by this. One day you may be a parent and you will think that there is no one good enough for your son or daughter. Try not to let this upset you, I know it is hard at first. Usually this is a phase and it should pass. Give it time and continue to be nice in the face of adversity. When your future mother in law gets to know you and comes to realise that you love her son and that you are also nice, then things should start to improve. If you go on the defence, then it will only make matters worse. Then there could be a continual 'war' between you and her. That would be an awful situation to put your future husband in. Wouldnt it be awful for him to be stuck in the middle of the two women he loves the most. Keep smiling, compliment her clothes and cooking, (without being too creepy), ask her advice, make her feel needed and included. Invite her round for a coffee when your partner is not around, and say you would like to get to know her and become friends. Dont take her initial actions towards you personally, I really dont think she means it. Be patient! She is the other woman in your partner's life, so invest in becoming her friend rather than being enemies. Wouldnt it be great in years to come, if you could say she is just like mother to you and a great friend and she can say the same about you. They say you can pick your friends but not your relations eh? Make it work and make it work well! You CAN do it! Be positive. Good Luck My friend, I have been there and done that, so I really know how you feel! Maybe you can give us an update in the future, to let us know how you have progressed. All the best!!!!! :o) x

Answer 3

Does your future spouse know how you feel? or does he see his mother through rose coloured glass and can't admit she can do any wrong?
If he is supportive then don't worry about how she treats you because ultimately your life is between you and your husband. Just keep being nice to her without letting her walk all over you. As time goes on you'll get to know what b.s. you can call her on and which b.s. you should let slide off your back.
If your husband doesn't see there is a problem you are in for a tougher ride, but maybe the right discussion may ease things for the future.

Answer 4

Don't let her change you. It will be more irritating to her if you carry on being nice, and treat all her nasty comments as if they don't really matter. Which they don't.

There is no rule that says that people should like you. Just try to figure out what her problem is. Once you understand that, you will be able to behave accordingly.

My gut feeling is that since you are off to a bad start, it's going to be tough, and you might need to get drunk together to make any progress.

Answer 5

some of them are just like that. there's really not much you can do other than be the bigger person and try your best to not react to her immaturity. you would think with age comes maturity but no. she's just having a hard time accepting the fact that there will be another woman in her son's life other than herself, which is understandable however she does need to learn how to react accordingly. like i said all you can do is try not to give her a reaction, after all that's probably what she wants, a reaction so that she'll have more of a reason to go off. good luck.

Answer 6

I'm in the same situation as you are except father in law Ive tryed everything I'm so nice and we have a son together and you would think that would change his mind no all i do is have patience and try your hardest to be respectful and whatever it takes and hopefully she will come around like I'm hoping just know that your man loves you and forget what his mom thinks of you obviously he loves you and thats what matters your marrying him not his mom

Answer 7

I have a Mother-in-Law just like her. From my experience you can do nothing. Don't ask your husband to try to talk to her because problems will arise. Keep being nice to her and ignore her rudeness, comments and whatever else she has up her sleeve. Yes you will fell hurt and mad but comfort yourself by saying she is a little little person and she is wrong about you and the way she treats you. You will be a bigger person by knowing the truth as to who is better.

Answer 8

Just keep being nice. It will choke her! I've had 2 mum-in-laws. The 1st was a ***** from hell. I did all I could to placate her until the day I bought my firstborn child home from the hospital and she stripped him naked to see if he was "normal"!! As I was born with Cerebral Palsy, it deeply shoked me. I took offence, said "Put MY son down!" and kicked her *** so far out of my house, she never came back! After that, I didn't bother being nice. I was the mum of my son, not her and she lost her grandchild because of her stupidity! The 2nd was wonderful. In fact, she died in May and I miss her deeply. She loved me and treated all of my sons equally. After a row with my husband one day, I begged her to take him back and she gently said "No chance! I had him for 32 years, it's your turn now! Wait till he turns into his dad!! LOL" We were friends forever once we stopped laughing! Remember, you can't win if your mum-in-law hates you. All you can do is survive. She will either accept you or not. If not, who cares!!? You get to sleep with her son every night!!! She's jealous that you stole her baby!! LOL

Answer 9

I've had my share of in law problems. I am going to give you this good advice, what she thinks of you is none of your business, what I mean to say is, if she hates you, its her problem, don't make it yours. two things you can do. Sit her down, just you and her (no one else) in a neutral environment (neither your house or hers) and discuss the issue with her. Your other option is to have your fiancee deal with it, after all, it is his mother and he should discuss it with her. He needs to stand up for you, period. A spouse must always come first (as far as I am concerned). You may just have to 'agree to disagree' but you or your fiancee or the both of you need to talk with her, work it out now, set and keep boundaries (this behavior is acceptable, this is not)...it will save you a lifetime of grief...good luck...

Answer 10

Mommy is losing her baby boy. You'll understand better when you have your own kids and they grow up and get married. Maybe she just saw her some marrring the woman of HER dreams rather than the woman of his. Maybe after the wedding, things will get better who knows. If he loves you and wants to marry you then concentrate on that, don't worry about her. Chances are that you will never see eye to eye with her. Just do your best to be civil and don't try so hard.