should I give my brothers kids Christmas gifts, when his wife will not let them be a part of our lives.?

Question

One of my brothers has 2 toddlers and they don't ever associate with his side of the family, his wife wants to do everything alone.

For the last 3 years I have given Toys R Us gift cards to them. We don't get to see them at all, everyone leaves their gifts at my Mom's and my brother picks up the gifts after Christmas. These kids don't even know me........ They don't know I gave them anything and I never get any thanks at all........

I don't want to cause a problem but I don't feel this is right. What do you think?????????

Answer 1

It really depends on you. Personally, I would keep giving the gifts if I had already been doing so up until this point. It's always nice to get a thank you when you give something but is that the reason you give something? Not me. I give because I enjoy too not because I expect anything in return.

Answer 2

Howey...I've been there, and can honestly tell you to save your money. If she won't be a part of your lives, and keeps the kids from you, the kids won't even know who the gifts are from. The real fault in this is your brother. Unless your family is like the Mansons, you should be a part of thier lives. If your brother cannot be man enopugh to stand up for his side of the family, then just walk away. In time, the kids will grow up a bit and start to ask about Daddy's side of the family. Then your brother will try to mend things. But in all honesty, let it go. I know how much it hurts, but there are some things you can't change. If you really want to do something great..here's an idea for you. See a financial planner, and start a college fund for the kids. It's a small amount...usually like $250(have the whole family chip in). You will be the custodian, but some of the records can be sent to the kids house. Their parents CAN'T touch the money, and it will grow with interest and further deposits. You might not be a part of thier lives, but you will have an upper hand when it's time to cash in the funds. Then they will know who thier family really is.

Best wishes, and I sincerely hope it all works out for you.

Answer 3

I would have to say no more gifts. Unless your brother doesn't have the means to do much for them. If you think they need the gifts then keep giving so the kids can have a good Christmas regardless of where the toys came from but if your brother and his wife can provide for them fine then I would not send anymore gifts and use the money for some children who could really use it.

Answer 4

I think you should continue to give the children the gifts, when they are old enough to understand they will probably send you a thank you, and they will know who you are. Don't take it out on the children, something is wrong with their mother. What a rude witch, she can accept the gifts, however, she is so ungrateful she can not even send a thank you. That is horrible, however, the children in due time will become aware of who you are. And I bet they really enjoy the toys they get through your generosity, and one day they will understand and know who made it possible. Talk to your brother about how you are feeling. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 5

Besides her not bringing a gift for every gift grabbing event that you have, what else is bad about her? You seem to think that the gift that is given proves how much you like someone, and since she doesn't give gifts then she is a bad person. Did you ever think that maybe Mike says not to bother to bring gifts? Did you ever stop to think that maybe they are in a rough financial spot, despite their talk of the finer things in life? Did you ever stop to consider that Emma doesn't feel like a member of your family, and doesn't see the point in wasting her money on gifts? She comes over to your place and sits downstairs by herself...what a great host you are. Personally, I don't blame her.

Answer 6

Your brother needs to give thanks and let your part of the family into the lives of his children (his wife needs to open her heart or recognize her husband's family). It sucks to not get the appreciation in return, but if you keep giving, one day-when those toddlers grow up and think for themselves-your nephews/neices will want to know your side of the family and appreciate all the gifts you gave them throughout the years. Frustrating, but two wrongs do not make a right.

Answer 7

You need to talk brother to brother if you can. Tell him you love him as a brother and how much you care. Then, and I know this is tough, keep giving as long as you can afford it. This sends a clear message that you respect the ties of family over all else, no matter who stands in the way. Over time you will see your efforts pay off, and someday those kids may seek you out. Or, more importantly, your brother will...

Answer 8

This is one of the reasons I hate Christmas - all the politics of family life. The spirit of Christmas is missing from most of our actions during this holiday.

My heart breaks for your situation. Those children need ALL of their family, not just their mom's family. It's sad that their dad lets the mom rob from them this way.

First and most importantly you need to pray - for your sister-in-law, for your brother, for their children. There are bad seeds of bitterness being fostered there.

Secondly, I think you should continue to give the gifts. However, I would (prayerfully) add a gift to your brother & his wife - a Christmas letter, complete with a picture of you and your family, news of things that have happened during the year, remembrances of times past (happy times) - and telling them all how much you love them and look forward to getting together with them some time.

If you keep the door to them open, maybe someday someone will have the courage to walk through it.

Answer 9

If they arent a part of your life, don't give them anymore gifts. Maybe once they realize the free gifts have stopped, they will realize that you arent going to accept their behaviour. Maybe instead of a gift, you can write them a letter and leave it at your moms. Explain why there are no gifts this year, or maybe say that you got them gifts but refuse to give them to them without seeing them.Give them a deadline to call and make arrangements with you for a visiet. If they don't show up, then just take them back or donate them to some truly deserving kids.. like those that didnt get anything this year.

Answer 10

yeah. they are still your family and it will just show your sister-inlaw that she can F-off without actualy saying it and starting trouble. she cant do anything about you giving them the gift cards. and even if she doesnt let the kids have them. what is an adult woman gonna do with Toys R Us giftcards anyway she cant redeem them for money, i mean she can throw em away but that would be a waste and unless she is a moron beyond belief she wont throw them away. so go ahead f you care about the kids wether you see them or not because they are your nephews/neices.