My ex will not leave me alone?

Question

Every time she has a chance she is in my face and business, I've moved on with my life, and thought she did too. She has a boyfriend and everything. I cannot even walk my dog witout having to see her. When she sees me she stops and want's to talk. I tell her that I am busy, and she says are you too busy to talk to me? I say yes but she then follows me to my front door and continues on chatting away totally ignoring the fact that I am not paying any attention to her. Today she asked me if she could use my restroom, and before I could stop her she pushes past me and bee-lines it into my house. Then she has the gall to come downstairs with a picture of my fiancee, and ask me who she is. I say that is none of your business, and I don't appreciate you going into my room rummaging through my belongings. She shrugs it off as no big deal. I told her to piss off and leave me alone, but that is not going to work. Any advice?

Answer 1

I hope you will find some help in this answer, but I don't know if you will. I tried to answer it well. Well. I think it is much harder for a woman as they have chemicals in the limbic node of the brain that bonds them more deeply to the person they have sex with. Men do not have this chemical attraction accoring to studies.

Women do not, as you know, think like men. Sometimes women find it hard to understand that a person who they shared their heart and soul with (as women tend to give on a deeper level in order to be intimate..that is they share all they are) can turn off even the friendship aspect.

Perhaps it is so painful that you are ignoring her and not paying attention to anything she says, that she is just blocking that part out to protect herself, and not even seeing your rebuffs. Hence, she appears to ignore your words. Maybe it is because of them, she is hoping that by talking and reviving a bit of familiarity, you will treat her as a person as she is one and shouldn't be taslked to so rudely (sorry, keep reading)

Soemthing it takes a long time for people to get over pain and rejection. Some get over a brojken relationship quickly and others do not. I myself took at least 8 years (but I didn't have a relationship in the interim and that makes it harder to get over someone--plus I was with him 17 years)...Some part of you, with some people, always remains with a person you loved once, despite oving on,. The fact that she has a boyfriend is good.

She may be trying to wean off you feeling some connection with you lessons her pain of rejection..if you won't love her..maybe you can be a friend...if not a friend..just an occassional chat..she either doesn't realize she is bothering you and doing it innocently, lessoning the pain of rpersonal ejection by feeling if you talk to her you are not rejecting her as a person but only as a relationshiop.

Or it may be the oppposite..she is royally mad that you are telling her to pis- off, leave you alone, not go through your stuff, etc and she knows it bugs the heck out of you and is feeding off this.

If it is the first, (it hurts to be personally rejected) be compassionate and give her at least a chat once in a while, if it is the latter(payback by her) and she is deliberately trying to pay you back by bugging you, then figure out ways to avoid her.

If she is wanting you back as a lover, you may need to move or avoid her since you moved on and she hasn't. If it was a marriage, there will always be a connection if you want it or not..same with if there are kids.

I think maybe asking yourself if you can't give her a certain amount of time to chat but put a limit on it, saying you have an appointment and leaving your house if necessary. Maybe have a code worked out someway to get someone tyo call your cell and make up an excuse that you ust leave immediately.

As far as leaving the house to get her to leave, I used to have to do that when these neighbors never watched their kids, sent them to my yard all day tand forced me to feded them as they were hungry but apparently told not to go home and they wouldn't leave from first thing in the morning till dark, ..I had to leave the house with my kids to get them to go home ..not fair really, but it did work.

Consider taking your dog to a different area like a park or different neighborhood and walking them there to minimize contact. It is kind of normal for a women to want to know if you are involved, I feel, even though it bothers you. (she really shouldn't have went into your room, but the familarity and intimacy from the past makes her feel a sense of entitlement). For some people, it is just harder for them to shut all their feelings off and move on, especially if they were the one left or didn't want the relationship to end.

Women tend to react differently than men. A man can have sex and feel nothing, whereas a women has to have at least some feelings for the man to generally enjoy sex on a total level. Studies shows these hormones and chemicals in the limbic nodes of the brain are activated during sex in females and cause a deeper love or feeling to imerge tieing them in strong biological, chemical ways to the man. This is why women tend to fall harder and be hurt more if left in a relationship.

Try rememebering you once cared for her and try to see her as a person and treat her with kindness. Just limit the occasions you will have to see her and leave saying nicely, you are sorry but you need to be such and such..once in a while, give her a little more time so she doensn't feel you are lying as that may make her more obsessive. Think, it you pis- off an obsessive person, the hel- that could cause you and the havoc they might reak...flattening tires etc. better one that likes you than one who is your enemy as an obsessed and angry former lover can cause real problems

.Ask yourself if you cannot be a little more understanding and tolerant of her. To tell someone who felt you once loved them to pis off is not being very nice. I find that even if I have reason to hate, eventually I come to regret feeling that for it hurts one's spiritual life and one's health. Better to try to treat people civilly

If it is impossible and you are unable to stand her at all, you may have to consider moving or severely limiting the occassions for running into her. It is you who is being hurt by all the anger and irritation you are feeling..this is not good for your health...these feeling will eat away at you. Better to try to treat others as you would like to be treated if you still wanted to talk to an ex or were told to pis off..put yourself in her shoes. What if you hadn't moved on..would you want to be treated as you are treating her.

Although she may be stalking you, restraining orders only work on people who are really afraid of going to jail or who are sane and rational. It is very ifficult to catch them breaking them. Many stalkers are not in the above category and restraining orders often escalate the situation. I was once in a domestic violece situation and decided against restraining order because it really doesn't protect you and women are killed or injured more in getting them than not getting them. The anger and embarrassment the stalker feels when you get one (as they don't see themselves as problems or your side) often escalates the violence.

I do think I would move if you marry as she could mess up your marriage..moving though difficult and unfair may be the better option. Make sure your phone is unlisted and keep your address and phone off who where white pages type searches.

It is hard to say more specifically advice as I do't know how long ago the breakup was, who wanted it, her reaction, how long she is with boyfriend and where else she is seeing you, but I think I would try tolerance and civility for the times you run into her, a list of excuses that sound plausible for why you need to leave, occasssional longer conservation, avoidance of places she might be dog walking elsewhere, and if marrying moving. Good luck! I changed my number three times and moved due to abuser's obsession with me but he doesn't know where I am and I have peace (so far).

If you decide firmly to have no contact with her, never vary it once. Accepting one phone call buys you months of new one..the behavior never gets extinguished unless it is 100% consistant. Studies with behavior modification shows this. Givde achicken food when he hits a lever, then stop...if you never do it again eventually thr chicken will stop hitting the lever (extingusihing the behavior)...BUT if you give no food 12 tuime s and do the 13th, they chicken will continue hitting the lever so many times even if no food thinking they may eventually get what they want..making thwe behavior take even longer to extinguish..this is why kids continue bad behavior...cause every so often a parent doesn't follow through on consequences. Same thing with ex If you decide you will never speak to her again and you don't ten times but do once (even to say just "leave me alone" you buy yourself more calls. I read this tip once in the book the gift of fear...Good luck!

Answer 2

"hello, 911? yes, ive got a stalker problem, and i need an officer to warn this woman to leave me alone."

you, my friend, are a victim of either:
a. stalking
b. harassment
or, last but not least,
c. a jealous ex whos trying to get back with you.

if she does it again, ask her to leave, and if she says anything, ignore it and warn her you will call the police if she doesnt leave. if she continues to talk, call them, because you've asked her to leave, and you've warned her.

Answer 3

Tell her boyfriend and see what happens_

Answer 4

move far far away, or consider a restraining order