help, my boyfriend is horrable!?

Question

i have a boyfriend who used to be the sweetest man i knew, but after i moved in, that changed almost instantly. when i moved in, i had a curfew (im not a kid, im 23!), i can only talk to girls, and can only stay on the phone until 9 pm. he tells me he loves me,and then he kisses me and then he thins it's all better.he thretins to beat me up, and he hasnt, but im sooo scared! i dont know what to do... im scared. he tells me im ugly, hes' the best i can get, im nothing, im fat, and then has the nerv to tell me he loves me. pleez, i dont know what to do! he is verbaly abusive, he lets his friends disrespect me, (only verbaly)he only allows me to talk from 7 am to 3 pm. then i cant talk to him. im quiet, shy and timid, and i cant leve because he said he would kill himself. pleez, what do i do!

my sisters and friends tell me 2 leave. but i cant!

Answer 1

what do you mean ONLY verbal? verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse - maybe even more since skin bruises heal but a damage to your self-esteem may stick with you. you have to leave him. if he kills himself, so be it - better that him pushing your back against the wall and you killing him yourself. abuse can and will progress sweetie, leave as soon as you can.

Answer 2

Wow. Loser. You need to leave there ASAP! First off, he's your boyfriend right? not your father! You are not anyones property and him threatening to beat you is a sign that it will happen at some point in time. He tells you your ugly, but then that he's the best you can get? Obviously he is insecure and doesn't think he is much of a man himself if he's the best that an "ugly" girl can get...haha he's putting himself down right there.

I say that if you feel stuck, or afraid that he will do something to you, or himself that you should either try moving out while hes gone, or call the cops if it gets bad enough. I'm terribly sorry to hear this is happening to you, don't EVER deal with a man like that! You're worth more!

Answer 3

Wow, um seriously its time to cut him off. The reason your sitaution continues is because of your shyness and timidness. However, you can change that. You have to see the bigger picture. Any person who verbally abuses you and threatens to hit you has already lost with you because you dont abuse anyone period in a relationship. There's just no way around it. Furthermore, he allows his friends to disrespect you. That is all the more reason to let him go. Second. How is it you, a grown woman has a curfew. It just doesnt work like that. Before you let him go however, you have to move out. I know you might not like the idea of having to move back to mom and dad, but for the greater good it is worth it and may even save your life. If you cannot move back home and have no financial way of leaving or need more time to accumulate money to get out then do that, but be tactful in saving your money. Dont let him know you have money. Hide it! Do whatever is necessary and when you have enough split. Also in either case, enroll yourself in some type of self defense class (ie martial arts etc.) so you can defend yourself. As far as him saying that he would kill himself if you left then let him die. He is only using you by telling you that lie. If it isnt a lie you are better off in any case because while he may "kill" himself (as he so claims) you are free. The fact that he would kill himself if you left him is more than enough in itself to tell you that he is one crazy mo fo. Youre a grown woman and you desreve better, dont be a fool and settle for less. I really hope you make it through this.

Answer 4

Leave now! He won't kill himself - he is just trying to guilt you into staying. Many times verbally abusive becomes physically abusive.

This man is a jerk. He is enjoying hurting you. He does not love you. This is no different from someone who kicks puppies.

Wait until he leaves. Grab what you can and get out. Things can be replaced, you can't. Leave a note and tell him you are done with him. If he follows you, call 911. Go to your parents, if possible. Tell them he has threatened you.

Not only do you owe this to yourself to get out. You owe it to every woman in your life...you mother, grandmothers, sisters, and friends. You have to show you think a woman's life is valuable. If you don't think yours is, then how can these other women think you value them?

You need to be on your own and find out who you are. Then you can make the right decision about what man to be with. Be strong. Never again put yourself in a position where you do not have equal power.

I've been there. Become someone YOU can be proud of.

Answer 5

first let me say this i am not going to sugar coat this for you... YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS meaning if he kills himself its his problem not yours i would bet he wont anyway but if he does he was going to over something anyway.... that being said u have 2 options there are no others i have been there before this is your choices you can pack your stuff while he is out at work ect and call a friend to come get you and get the hell out of there and NEVER go back dont even talk to him... or you can be dumb srry but true. and you can stay until he takes every single bit of self worth that you have away from you until he makes you feel like you are the lowest most ugly person alive and you dont talk to anyone your time on the phone will get shorter who you can talk to will become only a couple of people then none for some stupid reason he comes up with and then one night out of the blue you will open your mouth to say something anything it may even be something you think is sweet and he will hit you maybe even just beat the crap out of you but guess what he will tell you he is srry and that its your fault... i dont know but i think i would leave now if this were my options.... who is he to tell you what you can and cant do anyway??? all you people who will think i am being mean can give me the thumbs down but in truth you know what i am saying is real this girls life is in danger you and i both know it and sadly you know it too it just up to you to do something about it either take your life back and move on or be someones punching bag until he kills you.. and if nothing else PLEASE dont get pregant dont bring an innocent child into this abuse

Answer 6

YES you CAN and you MUST!!! He is controlling and abusive. Trust me honey, this does not get better but almost ALWAYS gets WORSE!!! You need to leave immediately and do this when he is not home. No one deserves to be abused in any sense of the word. Don't wait for this to get worse-because it will! Don't wait until he hits you. Don't let him take away your self worth! This is what they do they try to break you down so that you feel so helpless that you can only depend on him. Many of the threaten to commit sucide but most of them don't. They say this to make you feel guilty so that you will stay. Leave, if he does follow through on his threat, it will not be your fault; he obviously has some serious mental issues. Try talking to your parents maybe they can help. You are still young. There are many men out there that will treat you like a lady - the way you deserve to be treated. Please do not bring a child into this relationship - it will only make things worse and more than likely he will abuse the child too. PLEASE LEAVE FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!!! Trust me, as I speak from experience. Feel free to contact me if you need more assistance on this matter.

Answer 7

First off, he's just trying to scare you when he says he'll kill himself. He tells you that so you'll say so he can keep controlling you. Ask yourself this: is this the life you want to lead for the rest of your life? One thing is, is that he is your boyfriend, not your husband, and you can leave him any time you want to. Honey, pack your bags when he's not home or late at night when he's asleep and get out! Go to a parent's house, and live there until things settle down. If he asks you to come back, promises that he'll change and things will be better, do not change your mind. That's constant behavior of abusers like him. Do not wait for him to change, because he wont. Think of yourself, and your well being. Be brave.

Answer 8

Why can't you leave??? do you really think he's going to kill himslef??? he isn't, he's saying that to use you and to keep you by his side and so he can have someone to abuse, and anyway if he kills himself better. You want him to kill you? you're young girl and you don't deserve to be treated like that, you could be living a very happy life with someone better than him. Go to the police, that's what you have to do. It's not too late. Go to the police and leave him, believe me he's not gonna kill himself, he's telling you you're nothing so if you leave what difference does it make??? he doesn't love you and what he probably wants is to kill you, you still have time girl, do what you know you have to do. LEAVE FOR GOD SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

He treats u this way cuz he knows he has control over u cuz u let him,he don't have to work hard to get u anymore cuz he got u,DON'T SAY U CAN'T DO NTHIN CUZ U'S A GROWN A$$ WOMAN AND U SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER U FEEL LIKE,I AGREE WIT YO FRIENDS AND SISTERS LEAVE THAT NO GOODED BASTARD HE'S JUST TRYING TO SCARE U NOW BUT IF U STAY HE'S GOING TO START BEATING U AND AS FOR HIM WANTING TO KILL HIMSELF IF U LEAVE HIM PRAY AND LEAVE IT IN GOD'S HAND THAT'S NOT UR RESPONSIBILITY LEAVE NOW!!!!

Answer 10

GET OUT man any man that treat a girl like that is a d()K head so man if you have any respect for yourself leave him and don't use that excuse that you love him how could you love someone that treats you like that man that ain't love you will find better but not until you leave. And let him know why you are leaving he needs to know if my brother or children ever treat their girls like that i would seriously kick their F**cking arses GET OUT NOW before you have to respect for yourself left. GO GIRL

Answer 11

Do not be swayed by his threats to kill himself. Go now. Just go. Get your stuff together and find someplace safe to live. Do not be convinced that you are nothing, ugly, whatever other crap he's feeding you. You do not have to live w/him nor listen to his demeaning comments. People who act like that are sick and controlling, and have no self-esteem whatsoever.

You cannot be treated poorly unless you allow it! By staying w/him and accepting all this, you are contributing to your own mistreatment.

Please believe me when I say that you will get over him and you will find somebody who treasures/cherishes you. But, do not delay. Get out of this relationship now before it deteriorates more!!