Can Anyone Cheer Me Up??

Question

Ive had a bad day and i was wondering if anyone could tell me some really funny jokes to help me feel better......also i was wonndering if anyone knew how old Drake Bell is.

so far i like the peanut one and the stewardess one....ive heard the bird one a million times

btw its 10 points to whoever makes me smile AND lol

btw its 10 points to whoever makes me smile AND lol

btw its 10 points to whoever makes me smile AND lol

Answer 1

IDK Drake Bell but you should check out my jokes in the Jokes and Riddles section.

Ok, here's a quickie.

Two peanuts were walking down the road.
One was assaulted.

get it...assaulted (a salted)...HA HA ha ha ha......ok it was kind of dumb but I bet I got you to smile.

Answer 2

This joke is from sickcrash and it goes like this:
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot
yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and
I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was
about to ask the parrot just what had made such a dramatic change in his
behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

BTW Drake Bell is 20 years old.

Answer 3

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Answer 4

Drake Bell is 20 so he has a mustache and a Beard...
There was eleven girls going on a hike and they were all blondes except for one... she was a Burnett.
They were going to a mountain, and when they reached it they started climbing a rope to a other Mountain.
The burnett went first and realized there was a sign that said only ten people were allowed on the rope so the burnett said," Who wants to let go of the rope and fall?" And no one said yes, so the burnett just said I'll just go...
So all the blondes clapped and let go of the rope and fell...

Get it!? All the blondes let go of the rope and fell so the burnett went on to the next moutain enjoying her life...

Answer 5

This site has some info. on Drake Bell
http://imdb.com/name/nm0068166/

Joke 1 (not really a joke): The nine scariest words are "I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

Joke 2: So this guy who was in a rock band dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there this guide shows him around and he sees all these famous people. Then he sees Bono and thinks "Wait, Bono's not dead." So he asks his guide, "Why is Bono here?" and the guid says, "Oh, that's not Bono that's God, he just thinks he's Bono."

Answer 6

Okay, I don't know how old Drake Bell is, but here is a joke that always makes me laugh.

So there were three people in Heaven, and God said that if you step on a black cloud that you would be placed with an ugly person as your spouse. So Person 1 (P1) and Person 3 (P3) were talking, and Person 2 (P2) came back with this really ugly guy. So they asked what happened, and she said she stepped on a black cloud. So P2 and P1 were talking, and P3 comes back with this really ugly guy. So they asked what happened, and she said that she stepped on a black cloud. So P2 and P3 were talking, and P1 comes back with this really HOT guy. So they asked what happened and the guy said that he stepped on a black cloud.

Haha, get it? The guy called her ugly. Funny Funny. Well, I tried. Feel betta!

Answer 7

OK .. who is Drake Bell?

Joke: Warning ... Don't try this at home ...

A businessman taking a seminar on work efficiency completed a case study of his wife's routine for fixing breakfast, and resented the results to the class. "After a few days of observation,"he said, "I quickly determined the practices that were robbing her of precious time and energy. "Taking note of how many trips she made from the kitchen to the dining room while carrying just one item, I suggested that in the future she carry SEVERAL items at a time."

"Did it work?" the teacher asked.

"It sure did," replied the businessman. "Instead of taking her 20
minutes to fix my breakfast, I do it in just seven."

Answer 8

There lots of cheers: initiate with "Glory to God in maximum ..." God does no longer desire cheers, we do. it is the "we" which you're cheering on. as an occasion, Paul makes his element utilising atheltic equipment. Pslams tell different cheers David sang to Saul.

Answer 9

Who died the worst death?

Three guys go up to heaven and St. Peter says "there are too many people up in heaven already so we need to cut down the number of people going into heaven"

St. Peter says to the three guys,"Whoever died the worst death will be let into heaven"

The first guy says "okay so I thought my wife was cheating on me so I came home early and my wife was in the shower so I looked around and couldn't find him so I went out to my fifth floor balcony and there the jackass was hanging over the edge." "So I started jumping up and down on his hands until he falls, but the lucky bastard landed in a bush. So I got the fridge and dropped it on him but i accidently fell off the balcony and died.

The second guy goes "well I lived on the seventh floor of an apartment and I fell off my Balcony two floors and grabbed their balcony. After a few minutes a guy comes and starts jumping up and down on my hands. Lucky for me I landed in a bush. But then the jackass goes and gets the fridge and drops it on me"

The third guy says "Okay picture this: your hiding naked in a fridge...

Answer 10

sure i get joke e-newsletters all the time. see what you think about these:
-One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find
that her 7-year-old grandson had made her coffee!
Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life.

When she finished, she found three little green Army
men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, "Honey, what
are these Army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson
answered, "Like it says on TV, Grandma --
'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"


-I went to a store to buy some insecticide. "Is this good for
beetles?" I asked the clerk.

"No," replied. "It'll kill 'em."


-This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning,
peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind
him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge
frying pan.

MAN: "What was that for?"

WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket
with the name Marylou written on it?"

MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the
horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses
I bet on."

The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to
kitchen to return the pan.

Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair
reading and WHACK!

MAN: "What the hell was that for this time?"

WIFE: "Your horse phoned."


-Once upon a time, there was a wealthy old miner who was
traveling across the plains with his trusty mule of many
years. All of a sudden the mule fell over dead. The old man
buried his old friend and put up a cross as a grave marker.
He wrote on the cross, "My ***." Then he continued on his
journey.

Years later a town grew nearby the grave. The road into
town went right by the marker, so the town adopted the name
out of respect for the dead mule. It had become somewhat of
a historical site.

Then one day a traveling salesman who was lost wondered
into the old desert town, but didn't notice the marker. He
saw a man on the street and stopped to get directions. The
salesman asked, "Could you please tell me where I am?"

"Sure," replied the old man. "You're right on the edge of
My ***."

The salesman was puzzled by what the man said, so he decided
to ask someone else. He thanked the man and continued to
what appeared to be the downtown area.

He saw another man walking down the street. He asked,
"Please sir, could you tell me where I am, I seem to be
lost?"

The old man promptly replied, "No problem young fella.
You're right smack dab in the middle of My ***!"

At this point the salesman decided that everyone in the
little town was crazy and decided to leave. On the way out
of town he spotted a seafood restaurant. He had become quite
hungry, so he decided to get something to eat before
traveling on to the next town.

The waitress walked over and asked, "What'll you have
stranger?"

The man replied, "I think I’ll have the crab platter."

The waitress replied, "I'm sorry sir, we're all out of
crabs. My husband looked all over My *** last night and
didn't find but two...and we ate them."


-Lewis, Regarding your recent letter about a scorpion stinging
itself to death if you put liquor on it; I tried it using
Jack Daniels. It not only didn't work, the scorpion brought
back a bunch of rowdy friends the next day. Now I can't get
rid of them! --Joe
[Sorry Joe, we were talking the insect, not the rock group.]


-Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?

A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff
in your new car.




*oh and Drake is 20 yrs old..his bday is June 27th if you wanted to know