Should parents force their adult children to do things?

Question

I am an adult and have had to move back in with my parents temporarily. They go to social outings to friend's houses. For example, they went to some friend's house for Thanksgiving. I was also invited.

I chose not to go. My mom asked me to go, but I said no. I generally feel uncomfortable because I am the only one that is alone (without a partner) and without anything positive to talk about. My child does not live with me (lives in another state with her Dad) and I have just started a new job that I do not like.

Should my parents have forced me to attend the Thanksgiving dinner with them? I felt sad being home alone. I went to bed at 8 a.m. and cried all the way home and myself to sleep.

My memories of Thanksgiving are terrible. I don't know what the right thing to do would have been.

Answer 1

While it is not your parents' right to force you to do anything, it would have been a good idea for them to push you to go to dinner with them. You might not feel positive about your life right now, but the dinner might have helped you forget your troubles for a few hours.

Life can be very hard and sometimes gets too heavy, but it will get better and you will feel good again. Just look for another job and get your own apartment and work on getting at least some type of visitation for your daughter.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 2

This is a convoluted question full of mixed feelings. First the initial question that implies that your parents are forcing you to do things, yet reading the rest of your information, it is only stated that they have ASKED you to accompany them to social occasions. Nowhere is there an example of them forcing you to do anything.

You then go on about how unhappy you were, listed all the reasons, and complain about being sad because you CHOSE not to go with them, crying yourself to sleep. You complain about how horrible your memories of Thanksgiving now are.

What this whole thing appears to be about is you WANTING them to force you to do things. You ask shouldn't your mother have forced you to go so you maybe wouldn't have been alone on Thanksgiving.

You are a grown up, however, and despite having an invitation and encouragement to come, you CHOSE not to, saying 'no' without your parents trying to force you and not liking the results.

It seems that part of you, perhaps because you have returned to the nest, not to mention your emotional fragility, WANTS your parents to fall back into the days when they did have a say on what you did. You are acting like you want to be a child without choices, because that way you don't have to blame yourself for the results.

You need counselling. Between your divorce, losing custody of your child, and returning to your parents and creating an ambivalent atmosphere for yourself there - you have a great deal to work through. Perhaps with some counselling you can work through your issues and begin to find some joy in your life again, not to mention losing the hope that others will make decisions for you so you don't have to deal with whatever results from the decisions.

Answer 3

It really depends on your upbringing. Im my culture, anytime you move back into your parents' home it is already known that you will do as your told! It does not matter if you are 5 or 50...I also believe that you need to get a grip on your life because it is far too short. For now, you only have you to take care of. It sounds to me like you are just riding high on your pity pot (no offense) and your whining about thankgivings past is far to much for me to handle... like YOU said YOUR AN ADULT.. do something to change this! I'm not saying to cry is not an option, but after your crying is done...make the best of what you have. Why be alone, and continue to be miserable? Why not "fake it, until you make it".. I think you should have gone, and surround yourself with people...I would think your parents' were having a good time; inbetween worrying if you were okay! Sheesh..

Answer 4

Your parents were trying to do what they thought was best. Even though you are grown they see their little girl heartbroken and alone on Thanksgiving.

If you really felt that you were not up to going then you need to put your foot down. Rationally say to them, "Mom, I know that you are going over to the Smith's but I think I am going to spend a quiet evening here. Things haven't been the best lately and I am really not in the holiday spirit." They will try to convince you but just say, "no, I really appreciate the invite and your concern but I really want to be alone and just get through the day."

Maybe if you made other plans on your own it would be easier for them to leave you be. Maybe volunteering somewhere, going to your own friends home, etc.

I don't like to think of anyone being alone at the holidays either.

Take Care

Answer 5

well unfortunately...een if your 50years old...the owners of the house (you parents) can tell you (or anyone on their property) what to do....

about the thanksgiving dinner..you need to be more in controll...say NO and dont be convinced to go..otherwise your decisions wont be valued as legitemit

Answer 6

Um... you're an adult, of course they shouldn't force you. How would they force you anyway... Knife point? You should only do the types of socail things you feel comfortable doing.

Answer 7

No. Forcing you to what you don't want to do is wrong.
You made your decision and now you need to deal with it.
You wouldn't of been happy there anyway.

Answer 8

end questioning of her as mom for a minute and picture on the subject of ways you may take care of this if it substitute into your ultimate pal, a coworker or a sibling. in case you may enable it on my own and see what happens for them, then do the comparable on your mom. in case you may call an ambulance for them, then you definately could have called one for her. she would be in a position to refuse scientific care, yet you have finished what you felt substitute into precise. and you will enable her understand you isn't keeping secrets and strategies out of your siblings- on the grounds which you do not understand what issues she has had ensue that for the period of basic terms they understand approximately and have not advised you! i could seem up the indicators and results of a stroke and prepare them to her. enable her understand that long previous untreated, she could particularly substitute into based and in a nursing abode if she has a significant stroke as a results of ignoring the smaller signs and indicators. you have gotten to scare her into agreeing to seek for care. yet you may desire to supply her the records and then enable her pick. She additionally desires to have a residing will, progressed directives and a scientific and financial ability of lawyer made in case she turns into incapacitated. that's perhaps if she is refusing to seek for scientific interest while it somewhat is warranted. She desires to be made attentive to the data of what happens interior the form she has not chosen to place her desires down on paper. whether, you may desire to enable her pick. you do not would desire to be propose or dramatic or sarcastic, in basic terms emphatic on the subject of the data of what can ensue. you could google for "The 5 desires" software or touch your community wellness center and ask for the social amenities branch. it somewhat is needed get her desires written down so which you and your siblings are all on the comparable internet site as to the care she needs and would not choose. In my interest we run into this so usually and that's tricky and unhappy as quickly as we've been verbally advised what's wanted whether it substitute into by no ability written down.

Answer 9

Hello.
You're an adult!
I'm thirteen and I don't even let my parents make my decisions.
Do whatever makes YOU feel good.
After all, its YOUR life.
Good luck!

Answer 10

hell no. if your old enough to know what you are doing, then they shouldn't have to do that!