You have a girlfriend of a couple of years. You have never made love because she has some issues to sort out. She only wants you to date her in an open crowded social area. She cannot allow you to kiss or hug her and you know she is not a virgin. What would you make of her?
2006-11-26 09:44:36 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
By the sounds of it she may have been a date rape victim. The last guy she went out with probably took advantage of her. The fact that she only dates in public places and doesn't allow any form of affection shows she's not comfortable with physical intimacy because it reminds her of the encounter. The thing that throws me off is that you mention you've been together for a couple of years. That should be plenty of time for her to come to trust you and make the distinct difference between you and this other guy. How well do you know her past relationships? If she hasn't told you about all of her past relationships, then she's hiding something from you. She should also know about all of your past relationships, too.
At best she's damaged goods. If my theory is correct she'll need major counseling (months, maybe years, depending on what happened) before she'll ever open up to you or anyone else.
At worst she's a manipulative leeching, gold-digger trying to get what ever she can out of you without having to be in a real relationship. I highly doubt this though.
You should talk to her and ask directly what the "issues to sort out" are. If you two have been together for as long as you say, then there should be an established trust and sharing of information.
2006-11-26 10:09:20 · answer #1 · answered by Rukh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She only wants you as arm candy if she only wants to date in open crowded social areas.
Or she's after your wallet, per chance?
I can't see how 2 people can date for a couple of years without any kissing or hugging ... that's really not a relationship. Especially if she's not a virgin and won't give it up to you in the LEAST bit.
Maybe that's where her "issues" come into play. If she's not ready to deal with a physical relationship because of those issues, then she really shouldn't be in one, plain and simple.
Communication, people!
2006-11-26 17:51:49 · answer #2 · answered by Imperfect 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm seeing that i dont know her problems to sort out you cant say much she might have some serious issues but if the couple has been going out for a couple of years and no hugs or kisses and shes a virgin? ...i would seriously look into the problem becasue she might be using the guy or have him just to cry on the shoulder..."the other guy"
2006-11-26 17:49:44 · answer #3 · answered by Kitty_Cat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say she has some real issues and needs therapy to work them out. If you love her and want a real relationship with her then you need to urge her to get help. You don't want to sound as if you are only after sex, but you do want an intimate relationship and what you have doesn't sound like one. Could she have been molested or raped as a child or used by a man so badly that she is afraid to trust again? These are things that a good therapist can and will deal with and things that she will need to overcome in order to be with anyone. Encourage her to do so. Good luck.
2006-11-26 17:48:11 · answer #4 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has a lot of major issues in her life. She needs to get some counseling to get her life straighten out. If she declines, I would suggest you move on. She will cause you problems the whole time you are together.
2006-11-26 17:49:18 · answer #5 · answered by Janet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that she is cheating or Has become a true Christian and would like to redeem herself for giving up her honor when she wasn't married. Good luck and I hope I was some help.
2006-11-26 17:49:26 · answer #6 · answered by Charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she was raped or sexually assulted...I would tell her to get some counseling to help her work thru the issues so that she can have a more fulfilling life.
2006-11-26 17:47:58 · answer #7 · answered by joker:P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your best course of action is to treat it like it is. It is obviously ok to date other people so do that. Go out with other people and if she comes around, she really cares for you. If not she was just hanging out with you.
2006-11-26 17:49:20 · answer #8 · answered by duncabby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you two need to sit down and talk about it. See what's really going on with her side of the relationship.
2006-11-26 17:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by Tsumi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be she was sexually assaulted in the past, women who have raped have problems being intimate and would not trust anyone, they fear being touched and need therapy.
2006-11-26 17:51:01 · answer #10 · answered by lara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋