I am a white british female and I have fallen in love with a arabic muslim. We have discussed having children?

Question

We have been together for 8 months. He was a student here. His visa runs out in a few weeks but he is applying for a work visa now. We love each other a lot. We talked about children but I refused to bring a child up in the muslim faith. I am non-religious, not even sure about God. I don't know if I am being to stubborn or if I should stick with my guns. I already have one male child age 10. any advice please.

I must add he has not asked me to marry him yet nor has he asked me to committ to anything. the question arose because I had a misscarrige. I would not maary him or have his children after just 8 mnts. At least 4 years before i would consider it. I have a good career and want to continue with it.

Answer 1

I love how everyone has a prick up their @sses right here. Clearly you love him enough to be seriously contemplating a seerious relationship. In that case, compromise is the word here. You have no faith, but clearly his faith is important to him as well.

If there are children, it wouldn't hurt for them to learn about their father's religion. I have known many many people that have come out of mixed faith relationships. Some are devotely religious, some are supposedly "muslim" and just don't care, and ssome don't believe in Islam at all. Anything is open, and you have to keep in mind that in the end, this will be your children's choice. They will be exposed to two different ways of living, a whole other world that you have never known. Of course there are going to be problems, many of them, but you need to keep lines of communication open and be willing to budge.

Maybe try telling him to avoid the topic of religion to his children until a certain age, but they can learn arabic if he is willing to teach them? In exchange, they won't be exposed to Islam until they are old enough to understand, or at least ask "why does Daddy not eat for a month right now?" Or something like that.

And there are things that are truly just about comfot levels. Will it kill your children if they didn't eat pepporoni pizza or any other pork products? In return, it won't kill them to not go with their father to the mosque, or avoid any religious ceremonies or events. That's a "sacrifice" that both of you are going to have to deal with.

Whatever you choose, keep this in mind: You are influencing what your children will be exposed to for the rest of their lives. It would almost be cruel to hide them from a way of life that is so important to their father, and yet at the same time it would be ridiculous to assume that they hvae to adopt a whole other mode of living, especially in a foreign country. It is not easy. But in the end, your children will end up deciding what they will and will not believe when they're ready. In the meantime, if you truly love each other, then your children's faith will be somethign that you both work on together.

[Edit] To all you spouting out of your @sses that Muslim men do this, you'll be beheaded for that, you have to wear this and that, do your research for God's sake!!!! Islam is as diverse as CHristianity in terms of how devote its followers are. How many of you Christians follow every word of hte Bible literally? I can answer that: None. Not all of us women wear the scarf, even fewer of us wear the veil, and contrary to popular belief, the veil was a functional, practical garment that came about not from Islam, but from leading the life of a farmer hundreds of years ago in the sandy, blinding hot sun of Saudia Arabia, not for the cold climate of Britain. If any of you have gone to the desert, you'll know that covering up is actually cooooler than getting the full rays of the sun straight on your skin. Not all of us go around in bikinis begging for sun cancer.

Other than that, no you have the full freedom of choice to stay un-religious. And to all of you idiots mentioned above, if she's fallen in love with him and known him for almost a year now, then she knows what he is all about. Clearly she knows how to lead her life better than you guys. And clearly, she is much more open minded and willing to experience other people's cultures than all of you.

Answer 2

What I believe is that you don't need to listen others. You have to resolve this matter on your own. Have both of you, ever discussed about the issue? that you are discussig with Yahoo users. Here we can only show you different ways to resolve this matter.

1. If the person you love is Muslim, then i believe that he will not agree on this, that his children will raise in non-muslim environment.
Suggestion: Before going to marry him, ask him about this issue.

2. As mentioned by you that he was a student and his visa is expiring soon. Are you sure, he is going to apply for Work visa??? or By marrying you he will get a chance to live and work here??? then he can easily live here.
Suggestion: Discuss all these things when you believe its time to discuss, without making things mess with you.

After all its your life and you know things/circumtances better than us. If anything went wrong, don't blame me. I can only pray for your good relationship and a peaceful life. Cheers

Answer 3

Be very, very wary. Read about Islam and the life of its founder Muhammad.
Then you will have a very good idea about the real nature of this religion. You will find it is very different from western ideas of religion, and is much more about control.

Also don't forget the Quran allows Muslim men to have 4 wives. Could you live with that if it happened?

You haven't mentioned marriage, but if his visa is running out, he might wish to marry you as a way of staying in the UK. This is a very risky thing to do.
I have a daughter who married a Romanian. It later transpired that, the main reason he married her was to be allowed to stay in the UK. He has now divorced her.
If you do not wish to bring up a child in the Muslim faith, you are onto a loser with this guy, because whatever he might say now, once you have the child , you can be certain he will insist on bringing it up as a Muslim. Muslims are obliged to do this.

You say you love him, but my advice in this case is, do not let your heart rule your head. Otherwise you may live to regret it very much.

Answer 4

I'm a Muslim and my advise to you would be to end the relationship. Bringing a child in to a situation where the parents oppose how to bring up the child is bad enough, but this would be worse for all of you. Your boyfriend will most certainly agonise about his child not being brought up the Islamic way, which isn't all bad I might add, but its all going to get messy if you strenuously oppose the child bring brought up according to his religious beliefs. I'd ask you why would it be so bad bringing up a child as a Muslim? Your already dating one, you must have learnt a thing or two.

Answer 5

I am sorry but he will not let you reach the stage as you put it "I refused to bring a child up in the Muslim faith".
You will have to convert and then he will gradually insist on restricting you freedom, arguing it's for your safety. Your life will then not be easy. All his relations will be trying to convince you to do as he wishes. You will have been trapped then with children.
You already are not sure and you say "I refused to bring a child up in the Muslim faith".
This happened to 2 people, I know, over the last 3 years.

Someone, who is a Muslim spells it out for you above "i am a Muslim woman.and if you don't want your children to be Muslims then don't marry him.because those children cannot grow up being a non-Muslim.because in Islam we believe if a man lets his children be non-Muslim"

ALL ANSWERS ARE TELLING YOU JUST ONE THING.

DON'T DO IT. YOU'LL PAY FOR YOUR STUBBORNNESS LATER.

Answer 6

To be user-friendly i've got been Christened yet i recognize little or no approximately faith. i do no longer understand why there is this rule that some religions can not love others. It sounds so stupid. in case you rather are in love then why can not you be open approximately it and do what you prefer? If God somewhat is this almighty being then what's his issue if 2 people who love one yet another unconditionally prefer to be at the same time or maybe spend something of their lives at the same time? have been's the wear and tear in that? I easily don;t see any. i assumed faith became organic and good. Why would not it enable love between a happy dedicated couple? If I have been you i might purely decide for it and forget faith because of the fact in my view i think of love is extra significant and additionally you ought to have the flexibility to have thoughts for the different without feeling tension from this God who's meant to be all loving, all excellent. in case you church and households dis-very own then you your love ought to shop you at the same time and in the event that they see this in action then maybe they are going to be forgiving. If no longer then i recognize it rather is harsh yet then this is their issue and that they are in the incorrect no longer you.

Answer 7

I think u should wait more time, because u had only being out wit him 8 month, i know that u love him, but 8 months is not time enough for really knowing if u want to have children with someone, and religion has not much to do with this. u have to be sure that u love him, before taking a step forward.

Answer 8

It will be tricky because obviously he will want his child brought up a Muslim, which is fair enough but this is a joint decision. All I can advise is that you talk and talk and try to reach some kind of compromise. Are there any couples you can talk to who are in a similar situation? You are definitely not being stubborn just because you are not comfortable with bringing up your children as ANY religion.

Answer 9

If he refuses to allow a child of his to be raised in a non-Muslim faith based home then I say, let him go.

You need to think of your 10 year old as well. 8 months is not a long time to know someone, but I married my husband after 8 so I really can't say anything. We talked about faith and how we would raise children and we have similar views so it wasn't an issue.

Inter-religion unions can work but it is very difficult.
Listen to your heart and mind.
Good luck.

Answer 10

stick to your guns. If you have children then when they get old enough they can decide for themselves.
Children need a balance of opinions which they arrive at through both their parents. IE the masculine and feminine.
bringing your children up in an Islamic environment may not provide the room for free thought and healthy individuality a person in the west most surely takes for granted.
If he truly loves and respects you he should try to make an effort to empathise and understand.

Answer 11

Surely there are a lot of issues you need to look at before you consider having a child with him? Or is it your body clock ticking?

Please find out how willing he is to accommodate your Western, secular views. (For example, would he object to you working, wearing a bikini etc.) Where is he from, and how does his culture treat women? Would he listen to his family before you? Would a child of yours become HIS property if you went to his country? That's what happened to Betty Mahmoody....

Find yourself a copy of 'Not Without my Daughter' by Betty Mahmoody. Library, or Amazon have got it for around £5. She's American, and married a lovely Arab man who was studying over there. They were happy, and had a daughter. Then they went to visit his family in Iran... It's a really good read, a fascinating true story, which gives a good insight into life married to an Iranian. (My favourite part is where she describes having to wear, in blazing heat, the whole black caboodle with a heavy veil which had someone else's spit in it... She felt isolated because she couldn't recognise any other women.) It was also a film with Sally Field, but the book is better.

Please don't rush into anything with your eyes closed. Good luck.