OK - my siter in law died 6 months ago from cancer, and now my mother in law (who has been divorced and bitter for over 20 yrs.) is trying to act like my brother in laws wife and mother of his 2 daughters. She's his mom, my husband's brother. He and I are closer b/c I was extremely close to his wife who passed away and he has told both the mo in law and I that she needs to back off a little bit. I tried talking to my mo in law and she just kept saying, "It's been 6 months since she died. He needs to move on. I am prepared to move closer to him (they live over 400 miles apart right now), to help raise those girls." Of course he appreciates the help, but it's over kill. Butt out or speak my mind?
2006-11-26 08:06:24 · 10 answers · asked by Mande 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First, I'm sorry to hear about your friend and sister-in-law. It's wonderful that you had a good relationship with her. You were both very fortunate. I feel that your brother-in-law should be the one to discuss it with his mother. She may not look at it as helpful advice but meddling if it comes from you. If she asks for your opinion on any of it, then I think it would be appropriate to say something. Make sure your brother-in-law knows that he has your support in the meantime and that there are no rules on how long after a death that he should move on.
2006-11-26 08:20:04 · answer #1 · answered by Shelley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No woman can stand between a mother and her son. If the guy doesn't want his mother to move closer to him, so that she can help raise her grandchildren, then >he< needs to tell her so. You have no say in the matter. You can offer your opinion all you want, but the fact is, the matter is between mother and son. Speak your mind all you wish, the only thing I see coming from it is conflict in your own family, ie husband, etc... Be there for your brother in law, if he needs to talk, but stay out of offering your opinion to Mother in Law.
If you have children yourself, put yourself in her shoes. If *you* were the mother in law, and an "outsider" told you to that what you were doing was overkill, would you listen?
2006-11-26 08:24:04 · answer #2 · answered by restless_nymph 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all , have you given any thought at all of how your brother feels and all that he has been throught. I dont think so, you are trying to pull a power trip with NO thought for your brother and the children. HE will know when its time to move on. not up to you or anyone else. They are his children and his wifes. back off. be there but quit asking something of him, be a support, dont be bosy.
2006-11-26 17:28:46 · answer #3 · answered by spuds_suds 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is his responsibility to speak up. If he doesn't, it is his situation.
I am sorry for your loss by the by.
She is just trying to help. If your opinion is asked, stay out of it or you might end up looking like the bad guy if things get dramatic.
2006-11-26 08:09:37 · answer #4 · answered by Thera 9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a shrink and tell the whole story he can give advice that he can print out and u can mail it to her!! Or a book on the subject. GOOOOOD LUCK!!
2006-11-26 08:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems there is a lot of competition here as to who should take care of those kids, if she is doing a decent job, leave it be, but still stay in contact with the kids yourself too.
2006-11-26 08:59:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak your mind baby! Go for it!
2006-11-26 08:11:51 · answer #7 · answered by Allyson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
speak your mind because this kind of situation could tramatise the kids
2006-11-26 08:08:41 · answer #8 · answered by bubbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he just needs to tell her to stop being a pain.........and give him time to heal
2006-11-26 08:10:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh it's all about you eh? WHAT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES LIVES? YOU SELFISH GUY!
2006-11-26 08:09:01 · answer #10 · answered by Haley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋