my son is driving me crazy?

Question

i don't know what to do sometimes i think my son has popped about 20 energy pills he ahs so much energy and he is only 5 he has now recently started going to his sisters house before and after school and he comes home crying and screaming and throwing tantrums he never used to be like that and now it's to the point where i just can barely keep my temper he's driving me crazy... my friends tell me to get him tested for adhd but i don't think thats the problem... does this make me a bad mom for even thinking this and what should i do when he starts throwing his tantrums?

Answer 1

You say he goes to his sister's house and comes home throwing tantrums? See what is going on at his sister's house. She may be letting him get away with lots of things that you would not do at home and that can cause a problem. Then, you will need to have a talk with her.

As for ADHD, this is misdiagnosed many times in younger children. But, it is also good to find out sooner than later so if you feel this is a problem, seek a doctor.

My best advise would be to put him into some sort of afterschool activity. If money is an issue, try finding some sort of public sport he can be involved in for little or no money. The Boys and Girls Club is a good place to start. If he is in school and you haven't had the teacher say anything about his behavior, chances are he's sweet as pie in class, but when he gets home he needs a chance to release. If you think back, when you were in school, you didn't get to run around all day and play so maybe this is how he releases all his energy. Some sort of sport would have benefits of him getting to know other kids, be a team player, and release energy...all while learning discipline. Maybe switch it up with different sports each season...baseball, basketball, football. If you aren't into things like that, one good activity is Karate or Tae Kwon Do. My parents took me to Tae Kwon Do classes when I was little and I became a black belt. Those helped me out a lot. Children learn discipline, respect, self defense, and honor when they reach each new belt. Some parents have a problem with teaching their children to "fight" but the benefit is that you learn to control yourself. That was the FIRST thing we learned and something that was enforced daily. We learned that we try to avoid a bad situation if possible and NEVER start a conflict. But if something were to happen, he'd at least be able to defend himself. It also teaches children to focus so they become more aware of their surroundings...which also helps with strangers. On top of all this, it is a release of energy...and some places only have children go 3-4 times a week so that's not too bad on the schedule.

I'd also recommend talking to your son. Sit him down and ask what he wants to do and why he's mad. Tell him that it's OK to be upset about things, but he should not scream and throw tantrums. If he's upset, tell him to talk to you and maybe you can reach a better understanding. If after all this nothing works, seek a doctor to get him tested for ADHD if you feel it's necessary.

One last thing...you are NOT bad mother. Some people do not realize but you are human too and you have your feelings. I'm sure you still love your son, but it can drive you crazy sometimes when they act like this so be strong. Take a minute for yourself sometimes and understand...YOU'RE HUMAN!

Best of luck!

Answer 2

My son is just as nutty but he is only 3. Did your son just start kindergarten and now going to your sister's? Maybe it's an adjustment thing.

I am wondering how your sister handles him differently than you do- perhaps she's more strict and then he lets out his frustration on you? Perhaps school tires him out? I know my son is always way more hyper and draining when he's tired.

What does he say when you ask him why he gets angry?

Tantrums are hard- there's ignoring them or the understanding approach "I can see your angry about xXX" or the let's go sit down in your room until you can relax.

I didn't read anything you wrote that made you sound like a bad mom so don't worry about that!

Answer 3

Maybe not a bad Mom, but an uninformed Mom. From what I know about kids, parenting and life I believe your son just misses you. His world may not seem as stable to him if you're leaving for work early and coming home late after he gets out of school. Try this and see what happens, try putting all your "things you got to do" aside and giving a portion of your time to him and let him talk to you and you play with him and do things he wants to do. Do this every day and fill his need for feeling loved. Then you introduce the idea that you have to do things like dinner etc.
Blessings to ya.

Answer 4

Remember he's still a baby. Babies are very sensitive to sound/light and can only focus on little things. when there's alot of noise, light, and many things to see it can be overwhelming to a baby. Babies aren't use to all the going-ons of life. Their bodies are still developing and all that going on around him just makes his mind go into an overload meltdown. and if he's sitting in the cart, it may be hard on his little spine, since he can't sit up straight yet. get one of those comfy seat covers w/ the toys. Try not to go when there's a busy streak at the store, like in the mornings. make sure he's been fed and has had his nap first before going. Babies also don't like sitting in dirty diapers, so try to keep him dry, even if it means going back to the bathroom 10 times. You have to teach/coach him into the world and let him know it's ok and not to be scared. Babies need alot of love and care to let them know that the world isn't scary and people do love him. if your baby needs your attention you should by all means give it to him. if u want to sit and read a magazine, do it when he's sleeping. but if you're taking both to the park then you need to play w/ both of them while you're there. If he feels u don't want him, he's gonna scream even more out of hurt and desperation. Maybe he's not getting enough of the right attention. cuddle him, read to him, and other things. babies also don't know how to talk and if screaming is his only way of telling you he needs your love, then that's what he's gonna do. don't compare your children, that only causes u to play favorites and that can be very damaging to the other child. he's just a baby. what he does isn't crap.

Answer 5

Definitely not. Your son just gets a different response from you then at his sister’s house. He might be getting more attention the way he wants. And although you probably are giving him just as much, it's still different. My daughter always after coming from grandma’s house acts like a spoiled brat. I hate to say that but it's true. She throws temper tantrums cries and screams, especially if she’s not getting her way. Your son is most likely acting out b/c he enjoys getting spoiled at his sisters and when he comes home he knows there are rules and he’s not always getting your individual attention, all the time. At his sister she can focus on just him because he’s only there a few hours and he doesn't understand that right now. So he compares the time spent there to the time spent at home. It's not always so fun at home! Try giving him more individual attention. My husband takes my daughter out on dates. Yes she's only 2 but they go out on dates. He opens doors slides her chair in etc. It teaches her how a man should treat a lady and how boys should treat girls. She doesn't understand that part yet but it makes her feel special. Take your son out he will love the special attention just for him, and at the same time learn whatever it is your trying to teach him. He will continue to act out, he's 5 that’s what there suppose to do but as he grows he will look back at those special moments and know mommy cares and loves him greatly. When he acts out put him in time out on his bed. Ignore the crying and screaming and when he has calmed down talk to him about it. It takes consistency, but it will definitely show him to respect you. It will definitely pay off in his I’m going to test my limits stage as a teen. You’re not a bad mom for thinking those things we all do. We just have to learn to respond to our children differently. When were losing it, it shows them it’s ok to act that way. And so when your son can’t express himself he responds so emotional because that’s what he’s learned.

Answer 6

First of all, I have to disagree with the person who said to spank him. You are not a bad mom and he is going through a transition. 5 is a tough age. He may be lacking attention somewhere and acting out for it. Kids need to be caught doing something good and be praised or they will look for another way to get your attention. I would like to recommend a couple books to you because they help me with my son A LOT! "the everything parents guide to raising boys" and "what to expect the school years". I hope you dont have to go through the ADHD stuff it you can at all help it. Best wishes!

Answer 7

first would be a good idea to find out what is bothering him.second may be he miss you and want your attention ,forget about adhd,people has this think that all the kids now have adhd.what they need is somebody to listen to them.when he trow a tantrum,ignore ,wait until he calms down than pick him up and ask why he is upset.sometimes a calm conversation can do miracles.

Answer 8

What's going on at his sister's house? Are you absolutely certain he's safe there? I mean, dead certain? Have him checked by a pediatrician. He's throwing the tantrums for a reason and it's your job to figure out the reason. The possibilities are abuse somewhere by someone, a brain wiring problem, or he gets rewarded for them and the rewards are greater than the consequences.

Answer 9

You’re not a “bad” mom, just out of touch and out of the loop with your child. You daughter could very well be supplying all kinds of “junk food” causing hyperactivity, etc. #2. inappropriate responses to his behavior(s) ie: things that your son accepts as “rewards” for his behavior, screaming-throwing tantrums = Candy if he stops,, (for example) is completely wrong! #3 Is there something happening at your Daughter’s house that is harmful to your son, (as one poster said, “are you absolutely sure?”) As you are gone early home late, it’s very possible your son doesn’t have the stability of a home life he knows/understands. (you have to look at the situation from your son’s eyes NOT your own!) Your Son is trying to communicate with you,, it’s your job to figure out what he’s actually REALLY SAYING!! Your son needs flawless un-wavering consistency in parenting regardless whether it’s your daughter or you providing the guidance !!

Physically punishing your son without “giving it your all” in trying to understand his situation is a very lazy approach to real parenting.

Answer 10

There must be a reason for this behaviour and you as his mother should help him find out what it is. It could be he is eating or drinking something that is setting him off, for example. Junk food, fizzy drinks ... that sort of thing.

You are the adult in this relationship. Your son has got to get under control and fit in with you, not the other way round.

So, check out his diet, etc.