My daughter acts out how do i???

Question

My daughter has been getting into fights at school.Her father and i fight a lot and i want to focus more on her possibly take off of work for a year.Recently she told her dad she hated him and spat in his face and refused to say she was sorry.She has been through a lot her father and i divorced when she was 3 and tried 7 times to get back together before remarrying and have been married a year and half.Since we fight in front off her she hears everything including bad language. I want to fix things and make things better for her.Is homeschooling an option since the school she attends is threatening to expell her?I dont want to make her mad by doing so though?

She is 5 by the way going to be 6 soon.

I feel guilty if i punish her and it generally does not help.

Answer 1

You don't want to make her mad?? Who's the child and who's the parent here? I think you need to make hard and fast rules and make her obey them. She needs to be punished when she acts out. I'm not saying you need to spank her, but I am saying she needs to learn that there are consequences for her actions. If she spits on her father, she loses something she enjoys (a toy, an activity, for example). I think you and your husband probably need some counseling because fighting in front of her is making her want to act out to get attention. Let's face it. If you hear mommy and daddy screaming all the time, you're going to get insecure and I'm sure she fears losing her dad again.

Answer 2

She is most likely just reacting to you the same way she sees you two react to each other. At this age they learn more by what they see, not what they're told. She probably thinks this is the way people treat each other and when it gets real tough someone will just leave to make it all better. My husband and I had a real reality check when our 2 year old started talking to us the way we talked to each other and him. We could tell him no until we were blue in the face, but it didn't matter, we had already taught him that when you're not happy you raise your voice and say hurtful things. The way we have controlled this is to stop saying no no no. If he is doing something wrong, we tell him one time no, if he continues, we pick him up with no words and set him in time out (time out is a whole other issue, don't give in. If she needs the whole hallway, give it to her, try not to use her bedroom, keep that as her happy place, let her scream it out, give her a pillow if she needs to hit, do not react to her temper wait til she is calm and then go talk). After he is calm and we are calm, we go to him and talk, granted he's two, so it consist of, "that was a no no, that can hurt her. Are you ready to be nice? Thank you. Go tell her you're sorry." And if he refuses, the process starts over. It's not easy, but giving myself the rule to not talk when I am angry, stopped my yelling and now we can talk when we are both calm. this also carries over to your relationship with your husband. If you can't discuss the issue calmly then don't. If it needs to be discussed then do it at a time she is in school or with a friend. Do not let her hear you raising your voice. It is as far from easy as it can be, but she is worth it. You can reverse this. You can't be her friend. You have to be her mother. She needs rules and direction. She is not happy acting like this or feeling the things she feels. She will be much happier now and in the future as an adult knowing how to control herself. It's almost impossible to not let an argument occur in front of her, but there are ways to handle an argument calmly and come to an agreement without yelling. It is very difficult, but one time of her hearing you act like that can start the process all over again of teaching her to not do that. I tell you that from experience. We'll so so good for 3 months and then have a hard tiring day and get gripy and it all explode in an argument, the next two weeks are hell teaching that that it not the way to handle things. You have to be ready for setbacks like that and not let it get you down to where you give up. If you and your husband are having trouble getting along, I don't know that homeschooling would be appropriate. Maybe she needs that time away. If you can't get this controlled soon, please consider counseling. I'm sure she's worth it to you. Best of Luck!

Answer 3

I think putting her into homeschool this early is a little rash. You need to get her into some counseling. If you think about it...how else does she know how to interact with people other than by fighting? That's what she sees at home...if you all fight in front of her often it can be more damaging than you realize. At the age of 5 they are not good at vocalizing why they are upset, so she's acting out in another way. Again...you need to get her into counseling and stop fighting in front of her. Your relationship with your husband may be strained, but that doesn't mean that your daughter should hear/know about it. Putting her into home school will not solve any problems, b/c the problems are beginning at home.

She does need to be discplined for her bad behavior...although you need to set the example of how to treat other people. She's learning a lot of this disrespectful behavior from you and your husband, and the way you treat eachother.

Answer 4

Home school is a great option. I did home school for three years in high school, and I loved it.

Also, maybe you shouldn't have gotten back with someone whom you can not stop fighting with. I went through that with my parents up till I was 17, and my sister moved out. Don't know why that effected anything, but when she moved out, the fighting stopped, except for the usual disagreements of course. I mean, you left the guy once, why would you go back? Sorry, but you have only yourselves to blame for your child's actions. If you want to help your daughter, get help, or leave your husband Anacin. It is worse for a child to be in a family that has nothing but fighting, than in a broken home. Be the grown up, stop being a child.

Answer 5

number1 no more fighting infront of her that probally has 20% to do with it. number 2, put her in her room 4 a full hour, after for the rest of the day no tv and she goes to sleep 3ominutes earlier. and when she yells at u give her no answer, if she keeps on going staraight to her rm. what do u meen? u have to get her mad, look how much trouble she caused everyone (her father, school, u) she deserves some guilty feeling too!

Answer 6

Try to explain to her, the good parts of being in school like making friends and learning new things. She needs to understand that she can't have everything her way. No one gets that and sharing my be the root of the fights with the other students. Home schooling may be good, but she need to be around kids her age in order to socialize. What ever you decide best of luck, it's not easy raising kids.

Answer 7

You dont have to take orders from a 5 year old. You are grown and have your own issues but you should not fight in front of her. That is why she is fighting at such a young age.

Answer 8

Your poor daughter has been through a lot. She needs some stability and some calmness in her life.

You and your husband caused this to happen so now as a family you owe it to your daughter to fix it.

All 3 of you need to go to family counseling...and you need to go now. Her future depends on it.

Answer 9

first of all she is mainly getting in for the both of you and u need to go to as many parent conferences as u can and (counciling i don't know if i spelled that right).also try to do calm things and sternly have a conversation with her beacuse personally she needs an asswhipping

Answer 10

well, you and your husbamd could set her down 1 day and tell her that she needs to stop whatevr she is doing and telll her that you and your hubby don`t get along sometimes - maybe like her and her friends don`t get along.