My husabnds other kid and ex?

Question

ok .. my husband's ex just told the kid that he has a dad and its not the one that has raised him...the kid is now 12 and his mom now wants child support..she lvs in arizona....i hate it..i hate her and now i feel that our money $500 of it that goes to this kid that my husband doesnt even have a relationship with it BS. it goes to her and her husband...all of a sudden there taking trips, getting cell phones and laptops..WTF this $500 amonth should be for our 3 kids that we have...am i wrong for disliking this whole damn sitaution? am i wrong to be mad at my husband? am i worng for putting my kids b4 his other 1.....im so damn mad..can i make my husband stop paying childsupport???

Answer 1

It's natural to begrudge the fact that your partner has a past, especially so when it is bleeding you dry by $500 per month!

Don't take this out on your husband, he's legally obliged to pay child support but if the payments are making things financially difficult for you then request the payments to be reduced based on your financial circumstances. Does your hubby even get to see his first child?

All in all I find situations like this terribly sad because at the end of the day there is a completely innocent child involved - this is a point that you need to remember when you feel like screaming from the frustration of it all. It's not your husband's fault that this woman is using the child as a means to financial gain - nor is it the child's fault either. Can you imagine just how heartbreaking it must be for the child to be told that "Hey! guess what? That guy you thought was your dad...isn't!"

I detest people like this woman that will think nothing of using a child as a means to exact revenge on their previous partner. What she is doing is completely despicable! You're not wrong in disliking this whole situation but just make sure you are directing your frustrations at the right person.

I'd suggest getting some legal advice, and, in the interim, please try and understand that your hubby is probably just as upset and frustrated as you are, especially when he knows that the money isn't being spent on the child.

Don't let this horrible woman come between you both, if you let that happen then ultimately she has won.

Good luck.

Answer 2

for some off-the-cuff reason this reminds me of the time when my 11 year old son asked me when he would be ready to have sex.

I asked God for a quick answer, here's what came flopping out of my mouth:

"Son, you will know you are ready to experience sex when you are prepared to take on the responsibities of fatherhood."

he said, "oh mom, I'm can't do that right now, I'm too young.
I thanked God for that quicky.

It doesn't matter what the birthmother and stepdaddy do with the money. Since the child is in their home the child will reap the benefits of the added financial support - either directly or indirectly. But that is not the sole purpose.

Your husband and this woman had a prior relationship that produced a child. Each need to step up to the plate. In the longrun, the child's welfare and happiness must come first. Imagine, growing up thinking you were a nuisance and bother to one parent and only represented a dollar value to the other parent.

Generosity of spirit isn't always an easy principle to strive towards. But in the final analysis always produces the highest returns.

Good luck.

Answer 3

First and foremost no judge would issue a child support order w/out first doing a paternity test. Second, you do not know how the money that the child's mother receives is helping his child. It is not your business how the mother spends her money. If she has purchased a laptop then that means that the $500 that she receives in child support helped to put groceries on the table and pay the gas bill so that she could have the extra $$ to save for a laptop. If she took a trip then that means that the child support helped buy Christmas gifts, shoes, and a winter coat so that she could save the $$ to take a trip. You cannot do the budget for another person's household, all you can do is do the budget for your own. You are mad at the wrong person. Good luck!

Answer 4

Unfortunately he made a baby 12 years ago so it is his responsibility. I agree that the child support should be for the child not for the parents. Maybe your husband could get some legal advise about this if you can prove that the money isn't being used for child support. Please don't have anger for the child...he didn't ask to be here and is the innocent one in all of this. I think your husband owes it to himself and his child to see him and get to know him. Otherwise, down the road there will be more trouble. I think it's very sad that the mother waited 12 years to let this out of the bag. It was disrespectful to you, your husband and the child.

Answer 5

I hate to do this but here is the harsh truth: He has to pay it. I'm sure the court has not pulled this number out of a hat. I know you're angry and I would be too. Get your visitation rights and get to know this child. Even if he does not want to go with you, pick him up anyway. He could develop a great relationship with you and his father. I know it's tough but it's only for another 6 years at the most. Try to find the silver lining. There is always gold in a pile of s*it. Hang on. I can tell you that Karma will win for you in the end, and you don't have to lift a finger to see it through.

Answer 6

I'm wondering if "the kid" has a name? Out of respect for the child, and he didn't ask to be born in this crazy world....call him by his name. That amount seems high for each month, but for goodness sake, maybe you're husband should develop a relationship with his son. The mother still has to feed & support this child, so she deserves some kind of support. Go see an attorney if you have a problem with it and have a paternity test done.

Answer 7

sounds like u have a lot of issues. first u need to talk to ur husband, then u both should consider a DNA test. then u go from there. if u feel that this 12 year old isn't getting what he/she should from this money that u both are sending every month than maybe u need to think about that. like do the child have health insurance, all the necessities he/she needs, and savings account if possible. if not think about custody or something. either way if the kids is his u would have to deal with ur kids sharing a daddy. u must learn how to manage those everyday challenges.

Answer 8

Did hubby have a DNA done?

Why are you mad at hubby? Did he always know he had another child and not tell you?

If DNA hasn't been established, I'd be doing that before anything else.

IF he is the father, he is responsible to pay support even if the ex has another husband. They could be multi-millionare, but your hubby would still have to pay if the kid is his.

IF it's not court ordered, I'd stop him from paying it. BUt if it is court ordered, you can't stop him from paying it sorry! Most states hold out a percentage of the wages.

Keep in mind, if you got hubby to stop paying, and say you are working, they can also hold out childsupport from your pay checks.

In any situation like this..............FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED.

Answer 9

OMg I know how you feel, My ex was giving HALF of what he made every week to a kid that he never saw and I never even met. we was together for 5 years and had 2 kids together. Plus I had 2 from a previous relationship. Your husband can sign off his rights, I think, someone said they don't allow that any more but call a lawyer. That's what I would do. See My Rx's ex Lil lived with her mom, she had NO bills the kid got SIS cause he is a psycho and she got SSI cause she is psycho too. so They was living HIGH on the HOG. While I was living on welfare. So yea I know how you feel, Definitely call a lawyer see what you can do cause that is big time BS. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 10

Be proud of your husband for paying child support! It will stop when the child turns 18, and you will no longer see that $500 go out every month. Make plans with your husband on what you can do with the money when his obligation is over!