my kids are driving me nuts. they r always fighting with each other and i could do with some tips. pleaseee!!

Question

the eldest is 12. no probs. the 7, 6 and 3 yr old always fighting and screaming. i need supernanny! peace and quiet, whats that!! any advice would be better than nothing.

Answer 1

I suggest the following: -

- Reward positive behaviour and try and ignore negative behaviour - you want them to repeat "good" behaviour and avoid negative behaviour. Easier said than done but it's about will power, staying calm and consistency. Remember children still regard it as attention even when they are getting shouted at / being told off

- You can offer a number of rewards - it doesn't have to be monetary.

- Try reward charts - start small - be realistic - choose achievable things. You can have a competition - see who gets the most smiley faces. If they achieve smiley faces they get a reward - e.g. get to pick the film or the activity they do.

- If this doesn't work try another thing - e.g. marbles in a jar. Every time they do something positive they get a marble in the jar - make sure they know why they are getting it and when it fills up they get a reward - when they misbehave they lose one

- If you have sanctions - make sure you stick to them - don't make empty threats - this kind of inconsistency just encourages your children to challenge the boundaries even more.

- Use time out - every minute for their age. If you use this strategy follow these basics - i.e. - be clear with them what they have done wrong - talk calmly at a level they'll understand. Place them some where there are no toys no distractions. If they play up ignore them till the time is up - use a timer. If they keep coming out of the room then take them back. Again be consistent. Once time out has finished explain why it happened and what you want.

- Children need to know what's expected of them - set some ground rules for the 7 and 6 year old - they are more than old enough to understand.

- Learn to not let the noise bother you - ultimately they are pushing your buttons when they scream in the hope they get their demands met. You want to be demonstrating to them they get your undivided attention when they are behaving calmly and sensibly.

- If they fight and you are not sure who did what - speak to all of them together make it clear they can't play you.

- The biggest thing is positive praise - if they do something good - however small and despite the fact they should know right from wrong praise and celebrate the positives. The more you do this the more they are going to want to repeat this behaviour.

Super Nanny / little angles - good resources - look on the internet
BBC will have loads of info to.

Answer 2

When the other 3 are at school during this next week take one of those days and spend sometime just wrting down what happens on each day. Just in short hand.

e.g. woke up kids bored with breakfast choice.
tried to do ironing 3 year old wanted attention etc.

You may need to try to do this for a few different days.

Then you should ask yourself what you want to happen.

After that lay out a 'plan' this should become the basis of a routine, which should include specific times for doing various things.

e.g. 7 am breakfast
8.30 am eldest leaves for School
8.45 am walk 7 and 6 year old to school
etc
4pm Dinner time
and so on to bed time.
These core areas form the basis of things that need to happen. The times of somethings such as bed time will vary by age. Also for the eldest child you can include a homework time and a T.V. watching time.

During school breaks it is good to do simple thimgs like baking together.

Very important is on those occasions when they offer to help(unless it is too dangerous such as the 3 year old using the frying pan) let them even if the 'help' actually slows up the task.

Finally, remember that tomorrow is another day and if you don't get every single thing off your to do list it is not the end of the world. But each day with each child will never be repeated they are only young once. Enjoy the time with them, and laugh, yes laugh when things go wrong. Only get cross if they are truly naughty and know they are doing wrong.

Hope that helps a little.

Answer 3

Dale Carnegies 'Win Friends & Influence People'
There is a lot of sense in this book, hence why it's sold in 100s of millions. Appreciation is usually the way to go but not when you have to force it out, just when it flows out nicely and fairly.

1. Don't criticise, complain, or condemn. If you do have to, criticise yourself first, sandwich the critiscism between 2 genuinely good/cool points.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation (this is the stuff that comes from the heart not through the teath).
3. Look for win-win situations all of the time
4. A drop of honey catches more flies than a millions swatting bats. Give an incentive for good behaviour (not always material), rather than just punishment.

Answer 4

I have 6 kids, 4 are mine and 2 are my husbands and we get them on the weekends(his 2) . my daughter is 11 my oldest son is 8 and my two youngest boys are 1 and 2. My two step daughters are 8 and 9. I have screamed until I'm blue in the face. We have punished them, we have done every thing. I have read every single book on the shelf. Nothing helps. And whipping them only makes you feel better. my oldest daughter and my 8 yr old son fist fight and bad. the 2 babies are up my rear all the time, his 2 girls are spoiled wine asses.My cure, "MOMMY'S LITTLE HELPERS" I am medicated. Go to your doctor, tell him your anxiety level is through the roof, he will prescribe you something. Don't abuse it. It helps I swear. And as for the kids, there's no stopping it, at least I haven't found a cure yet. But My oldest helps A LOT. ask your oldest for help, let them know that mommy needs a break. My husband works 3rd shift so I do it all. I know how bad it is. GOOD LUCK HONEY AND GOD BLESS YOU. GET ON SOME MEDS. AND PLEASE e-mail ME if you need some one to talk to. I feel your pain.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Tell them they can fight all they want but there is ONE RULE. THEY MUST ONLY WHISPER!!!!! I read this in a book many years ago and it WORKS! AND, it's kind of funny! If they don't whisper then the other siblings can send the offending sibling to time out for a predisignated time. This was such a hit in my family that the kids were always looking to send someone to time out.

Answer 7

Time out and set them down.
Find out their problems with each other
They are so close in age , the youngest ..
Tell them you will take away the t.v. or something they really
like doing.
Leave the oldest out of it ..
There is an age conflict . It is natural to have fighting and jealousy.

Answer 8

Take many deep breaths. Be firm with the 3 younger ones.
Because your 12 year old is gonna be a big problem in a cupla years. It will make you realize how good these present years are!

Answer 9

ok firts take a deep breath and stand your ground give them alternatives to fighting. Your first approach could be "if you don't stop hitting "name" then you don't get any t.v." or if they play sports say they go or even a party. another approach is finding hobbies for them to do they're obviously bored so they hit give them a sport. One more thing to do is just keep reminding them that this is very wrong to do and there will be consequences! GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 10

my Aunt has a 5 and 4 yr. old and she always watches the Nanny what you need is to spend time with you kids and reward them 4 good be havior and make them sit in the naughty chair 4 bad behavior