Not healthy situation for my daughter is this why she is acting out maybe??

Question

My husband and eye have known each other a long time we went to the same elemetary shcool.My dad and his dad work for same company his dads the president of claims for the insurance company and my dads the vice president.We became friends when i was 10 and him13 Anyway highschool we dated on and off but broke up when i was in my last year.We met up again when i was 19 in college i got pregnant and we married it was hell it lasted 2 years before we seperated and we divorced the next year.I graduated college and we tried again to make it work after 7 trys we remarried again.We have been married a 1 1/2 now and i am now 25 yrs old and he is 28.We cant agree on anything not even house decorations we own 2 houses one is my old home wich is used as a vacation house or weekend home to avoid the problem.Everything is a fight we have a love+ hate relationship and are driving each other crazy.do we divorce again? We fight non stop a lot of times in front of her?

We tried therapy that made matters worse and now i am worried that my daughter is being effected negativley by all this and maybe why she keeps getting into fights at school.

I dont now if a divorce will make it worse for her?

Answer 1

Of course this is an unhealthy situation for your daughter.
My parents fought like cats & dogs when until I was 11 when they finally split up; and I cried myself to sleep for all the time I could remember them fighting. Your daughter is obviously between a rock and a hard place; she loves you both, but is confused by you both. You fight, but you say you love each other.. you split up, and then got back together and you're still miserable.

Maybe a separation is the best thing. You and your husband need to realize, though, that this problem isn't just between you two.. it's a FAMILY affair, and you need to discuss these "mommy and daddy" issues with your daughter. Decide as a family what to do.

As for fighting in front of her; how much more damage could you possibly do if she's been surrounded by drama her whole life? Your daughter's not stupid and she knows there's something wrong. She acts out so that your husband and you will pay attention to her and forget about your fighting. Trying giving your daughter some love and your fighting a break.

Answer 2

Your entire question was about you and your husband. Maybe if you guys stopped fighting and paid more attention to her rather than yourselves, she wouldn't feel the need to act out, but then again she is only 5 and that's what children do. After 7 failed attempts of a relationship, why do either one of you even bother to stay? It surely can not be for your daughters benefit because she isn't receiving any. Its time to leave your husband, grow up and focus on raising your daughter. She needs the most.

Answer 3

Kids would rather be FROM a broken home than LIVE IN a broken home. If you are fighting in front of your child regularly it's time to get serious therapy and commit to rebuilding your relationship properly. After you have tried everything you can to make your marriage work, if it still isn't working, then it's time to divorce - quietly, calmly, like adults, not like kids. Fighting in front of your children changes them for years. It is child abuse. It damages their mental health quite seriously. You do NOT have the right to fight in front of your child.
If you DO divorce, it's important to tell your child over and over again that the divorce is not their fault, because kids tend to think everything is about them - they are naturally self-centred, it's how nature helps them survive those early helpless years.
You already have a home to go to - your own home. You are luckier than most. If you have tried so often to make it work, perhaps it really is time to give yourself a break and call it quits. Your daughter would rather have two peaceful parents in two houses than two constantly arguing parents in one house, I can assure you.
Good luck.

Answer 4

These are my thoughts and opinions for you to ponder on. I believe that your fighting in front of your kids has a very detrimental affect. Kids learn how to treat the ones they love by watching their parents treat the ones they love. They learn very well, then, as they get older they will practice this behavior on the ones they love.
There has to be one head of the house, one final word...not two!!
You two need to get in agreement as to who that will be. If your a christian, church going family, then it is the man that God holds responsible and he has the final say so. Non the less, some one is subordinate and follows the other to keep the peace.
I don't believe that divorce is the answer at any time. Any where you go you take the problem with you, because it is you. That goes for the both of you. Marriage is a place for people to grow and learn who they are with the help of their mate and it takes a good 13-15 years to learn these lessons in life. If you quit to soon then you didn't pass the life test and failed the course. You might think life goes on but the one that looses our is your daughter. To be a productive member of society she will need to learn, love, respect, obedience, authority, patience and this is best learned at home with loving parents that take the time to teach their children the ways of life.
Blessings to Ya.

Answer 5

If you are asking the question, then you already know the answer. You should NEVER fight in front of your child. She doesn't have the capability to recognize that she isn't the problem... that you two have issues between yourselves. Children tend to believe that parents fight and divorce because of them. Stop fighting in front of her and get some marital counselling.

Furthermore, she sees you two fighting all the time... what other ways do you show her how to deal with conflict? She fights because she sees you fight... she doesn't have any other coping skills.

Answer 6

Fighting non stop around your child is emotional and intellectual abuse and will change her. She will become insecure, fearful, angry, aggressive, and resent you as an adult. You have to put this to a stop right now. Buy the book called The Family by John Bradshaw. It will really help you understand what can happen to you all in the future if you don't get help. I know this because my parents fought non stop too infront of me. It really wrecked it for me and I have had lots of counselling because of it. So please save your daughter and get some help.

Answer 7

I think it's better to have two divorced happy parents then 2 married unhappy people. The volatile environment is too toxic.

BTW, I don't think it's bad for kids to see healthy conflict, as long as they see resolution too. Lots of conflict avoidant adults because everything was kept hush hush and they never learned hwo to deal. You're a family. Act like it or get out.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Before you divorce again try counseling to see if you can reach a compromise. NEVER fight in front of your child. When couples fight in front of their children they think you are fighting about them and it makes them feel guilty, and it ends up turning a lot of kids against marriage. If you cannot afford counseling talk to your minister.

Answer 9

Well of course she is being affected negatively. Children pick up on tension between adults no matter how young, trust me. Sometimes, no matter how much you want something to work it just won't. Ultimately, I think you have to stop thinking about yourself and about him. You're a parent and your child(dren) should always come first. If things don't start to get better soon, maybe its just not meant to be.

Answer 10

Some one has to give in if the other person won't ! I sometimes swallow my pride and bite my tough and give in!I always try for 50/50 but it doesn't always work. That's how marriages are give and take! Don't fight in front of the child you'll mess her up emotionally. she SHOULDN'T SEE THAT!