how do you handle a mouthy 10 year old?

Question

she is my step-daughter and whenever she spends time with her mom, she comes home very disrespectful towards me and very resentful towards her father. it usually last for about a week and then she acts as if nothing happened. does this mean she wants to live with her father or does she just really hate me?

i ment doesn't want to live with her father.

Answer 1

10 is a very difficult age anyway in addition to dealing with divorced parents. I feel for you because you don't get the respect you deserve and aren't looked at like a ligitamate parent in the eyes of your spouse's child. It seems like you might need to build on this relationship. There are a lot of great books out there for step-parents going through the same thing you are. I can't say that I know what it is like to be exactly in your shoes but I know people who are.

I am a high school teacher (adolescent expert) and deal with mouthy kids all the time. I am the aunt of two younger children who are going through a very nasty divorce and see how it has turned two sweet little girls into two little mouthy monsters. I see and hear most everything. The best thing you can do is not argue with kids. At ten, they begin to master the art of argument and will push you until your ready to smack them upside the head. Don't let it escellate. Here are two ways to handle mouthy, argumentative kids.

1. LOVE AND LOGIC INSTANT
EMPATHETIC RESPONSE
The expression of genuine empathy has
the amazing ability to soak up emotions.
Learn to use an empathetic statement
that comes right from your heart. Use the
statement that feels natural to you. Use
it every time.
Examples of empathetic statements
that work:
“Oh, no. I bet that feels terrible.”
“Wow. What a bummer.”
“I can’t imagine how bad that feels.”
Examples of statements that don’t work:
“I know how you feel.”
“I know just what you mean.”
“I understand.”
2. LOVE AND LOGIC ONE-LINERS TO
NEUTRALIZE ARGUING
It is important that Love and Logic One-
Liners be used in the “broken record” form.
Example of a Love and Logic One-Liner
that should become a habit for you:
“I love you too much to argue.”
Sample dialogue:
CHILD: You never let me do what I want.
PARENT: I love you too much to argue
about that.
CHILD: But Sally always gets to do what
she wants.
PARENT: I love you too much to argue
about that.
CHILD: Yeah, that’s cause you like
her better.
PARENT: I love you too much to argue
about that. Come talk to me later
about something fun. See you,
sweetie. Thanks.
Love and Logic Solution:
Two Ways to Neutralize Childhood Arguing


If you keep saying the same thing over, there is not much else they can say and the arguement won't go any further. I use the "Love and Logic Technique" for discipline and it works. You can find these books in the bookstore or visit the website. Click on the "Parents" link. There are many very useful articles.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Good Luck.
Hope this helps

Answer 2

What I'm thinking is that your step-daughter is probably either jealous of all the time you get with her father or she blames you for the divorce. You just have to talk to her about it...the fact you aren't replacing her mother and your not trying to take over the family and everything. She sounds a lot like I was at her age. My parents split up when I was 5 and I hated every single person either parent ended up with until I was about 12. Just let her know your there for her and that you really care about her and her father....it'll probably take awhile but she'll eventually grow up (I mean she is only 10) and realize that you are sincere.

Answer 3

She is testing the waters. You don't know what her mom is saying or teaching when she is over there. Show the step-daughter respect and expect it in return. Take away privileges when she is disrespectful. She will thank you some day much later.
I don't think any of this has to do with her wanting to live with anyone or hating you. She is simply being a mixed up kid, and she is trying to find her place.

Answer 4

It is hard for kids to be shuffled back and forth between parents, and when parents are divorced they do not always have the same household rules so she might just be confused. Maybe her mom lets her get away with more than you and your husband do? Maybe she his Ex is badmouthing you to the child. You and your husband need to sit down and have a talk with her. Explain to her that you know that it is hard to have to go between houses, but while she is in your house she needs to show respect to you.

Answer 5

She's probably getting it from her mom, or she might be missing her mom and starts blaming you guys for being away from her. The best way to deal with it is to show how much you love her and be the good guy. You will win her over with love and don't say anything negative about her biological mom. My brother's wife is really good with kids and my brother's kid loves his stepmom more than his biological mom.

Answer 6

it is very difficult for a child this separation situation,but that doesn't mean that she should be disrespectfully toward you.Ask your husband to sit with you and her and talk about,may be she will opened up.Usually the mother talk bad about you and the father,but you have to explain for her and make her understand that her father make a choice and she supposed to respect.we all know how hard it is for you,her and your husband so be patient she will understand.

Answer 7

Slap her mouth clear across the room.

Answer 8

i dunno , could be both !