I am in a 61/2 year relationship. He lost his job 2 yrs ago, moved in with me 1yr ago. Only works PT & Freelance. Not looking for any other work outside his field. Bills are getting behind, I carry 95% of the load. I care for him but I have determined that I do not want to be his wife. His family is extremely dysfunctional and his options of where else to live are at "0". I'm tired, he seems content with his situation until I inquire. He whines excuses when I express how he needs a FT job. I know, having lost home & job (13yrs) taken away has to be very devastating, but how long can one "man" flop around in sorrow? I have truly been on his side for a long time but, I've reached a point of no more empathy. No, it isn't just a cash/bill issue. He reminds me of a teenager. Does nothing productive all day then right before I get home, half wash the dishes or start something else, as if he has been productive all day. Hygeine habits are bad too. Who would want sex with this stress
2006-11-26 06:07:44 · 10 answers · asked by BRENDA T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
As long as he gets free room and board from you, he has no motivation to get a job. You must take a hard-line stance against this. Tell him he has 30 days to shape up and get a full time job, or throw him out. Get your friends and loved ones to help you.
2006-11-26 06:11:54 · answer #1 · answered by mystick358 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your situation seems complex indeed. I understand that you care about him and obviously after such a long time you are attached to him, but based on what you wrote about him he sounds like a real parasite. You've taken care of him long enough ( 2 years!!). Stop waisting your time with him, kick him out and go on with your life. Most likely, if he s already spent 2 years like that, nothing s going to change and at the bottom line, you are going to be the one to suffer. All his whining is just an excuse not to look for a decent job and not to face responsibility. So, yeah, it s going to be hard, but detach yourself and be strong, and DO NOT LISTEN TO HIS PROMISES. The key here is to be very tough, and stand your ground. Good Luck and best wishes.
2006-11-26 14:19:21 · answer #2 · answered by inthematrix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wooow that's just explained it!!!! that's enough load to break a mountain in half so I think the best thing for you to make one only one decision which is this? go to him and tell him you have your last chance this time, and give him time to look for a job but this time is for real!!! if he moves and look for job then he cares and would be able to change but if he did not then make your move and leave for ever. I think one of the most important thing to a women is to have a very secure man who can take responsibility all the time. it is all on you but if this is been going for a long time then leave and find the one who you can come home to and lay your body on him and not to worry at all and that's what I call women happiness. kapeeesh :) good luck
2006-11-26 14:17:41 · answer #3 · answered by § 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are lucky that you have discovered his real character this early before you marry him. Talk to him and break up the sooner the better. Do not have a permanent relationship with this bum.Who would like to marry a coach potato. You are spending time and money on him and he enjoys it immensely by not finding a job. Love is a give nd take relationship. As I see it he is taking advantage of you completely by not doing his part on your partnership as bread winner or of doing even simple household chores.. Kick him out of your house and life.
2006-11-26 14:21:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Brenda
You have to ask him, if it was you doing what he is doing I am pretty sure he wouldn't like it. 6 1/2 years with him tells me alot about you kind and very understanding but you can't go on like this it's not fair to you! You deserve alot better so unless he is going to change for the better it's time for you to move on!! Find someone who's going to treat you like a lady and listen to your needs!! Life is to short and remember you come first!! I hope this helps you Brenda and things work out for you! Take care of yourself!
Bruce :)
2006-11-26 14:36:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any woman in a questionable relationship must ask this one question.
ARE YOU BETTER OFF WITH HIM,OR WITHOUT HIM?
Its that simple.Stop stressing.Stop over analyzing.Stop fearing you'll never find another guy.
Answer the question one way and continue living the way your living,or answer it the other way and transform your life.Its up to you.
Good luck.
2006-11-26 14:18:00 · answer #6 · answered by Mark K 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should spend some time apart, take a holiday or something without him and with the time apart he sould realise how much you mean to him. You are only seeing the negative points of him and you say you dont want to marry him. Is the relationship going to go anywhere?
2006-11-26 14:13:54 · answer #7 · answered by popcorn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you know what I'd do? I'd kick his butt to the curb before he get's over his long lasting devistations. Let his family care for his butt.
Sounds like you can offer a decent man a decent partner!
Kick him! Today!
2006-11-26 14:13:25 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there, you've pretty much decided on your own. you sound driven and productive and you just don't have time to deal with a teenager, and you don't even have kids!
give him an ultimatum. i would do the same with a pathetic woman if i had to.
good luck!
2006-11-26 14:12:19 · answer #9 · answered by B.B Top 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that story is sad enough to bring tears to a glass eye. how did you adopt this dog in the first place. think about that for a second before y9ou throw him out. but keep him if he is trainable.
2006-11-26 14:13:12 · answer #10 · answered by veerfish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋