I feel like im going nuts!?

Question

Ive been divorced for almost two years now.The problem is my kids have always been shown that its ok to not respect me.My kids are absolutely perfect when it comes to others.Now when it comes to me they are awfull.Their ages are 16,14and6.The six year old is anormal six year old.The others are the problem.My 14yr old tells me he hates me,leaves on his bike and stays gone for hours without telling me or my fiance where he is going.He is lazy and treats his younger brother like crap.If I ask him to do anything he always sighs or mumbles under his breath.The oldest calls his mom when he is with me to ok things with her without me knowing it.Instance today his workcalled and ask if he would work 2to7.Hismom was coming at 5pm to pick them up.He does not even tell me he calls her and she says that shell just pick them all up at 7pm.I dont mind her picking them up later but I wasnt even asked if I had plans or anything.None of them respect me.What can I do when this is all theyve saw?

my ex tells them everything she possibly can bad about me.She has nothing good to say about me.I left her because she was having an affair with a man that she had known for about ten years.This wasnt the first time.

Answer 1

it is apparent that your children do not have any respect, feelings. or need for you the visits sound like grudge matches. The 14, and 16 year old are old enough to make their own mind up as to weather they visit or not, so you need to explain while you want to visit with them, you also require respect and for them to behave responsibility. if they can not do this then you will see them later, much later when they have learned to be more mature and responsible. This is not bad parenting, it is responsible parenting as they must learn they have to think of others as well as them selves, some thing that at present is not happening

Answer 2

Sounds like your kids are rebelling at your detriment. On the positive side this means that they are comfortable enough to behave that way in your company. On the other hand this may mean that things are not going well either with your relationship with your children or even at home. The best thing to do is to let your children know you are there and ask them they are treating you like this. You could also tell them if they have problems elsewhere you are there to listen when they are ready and in there time. Finally if they are just simply playing you up or any of the other scenarios above you need to set some ground rules. Tell you children you are there for them but you are not their door mat and if they can't behave their self then they will have to be punished just the same as they would at home. It also sounds like you have been through a bad time and perhaps you children are taking advantage of you perhaps being easy on them due to the relationship breakdown which has also affected you too. Perhaps a chat to your doctor or a counselor would help get things into perspective if nothing else to let you know that you are not alone in this situation and many others have had trouble following a relationship breakdown. Good luck and hope things settle down for you and your children.

Answer 3

Okay Dad you have to start getting mean and yelling and demand respect. In your house no TV, no phone, no Internet no fun if they disrespect you. I am mad at you ex wife how dare she poison their mind like that. Now try to be more active in the kids life..be around whenever they need you. Don't let them walk all over you! You are their dad and they have to respect you! You may have to be the bad guy and take away privileges but hey who cares. Take the phones out of the house and lock em up. Be really strict and let them know you are the boss!!!!! Shame on ur ex wife what a *****!

Answer 4

You need to start mending fences with your kids.

If they are behaving the way you say they are, this is already a very old issue (or more likely, several issues). What created this situation started a long time ago.

You can't do anything about that now, but what you can do is ask your children to agree to 'start over'. That won't be easy, and there will be many times when everyone is slipping back into their old attitudes and actions, but you, as the adult, have to consistantly apply an attitude of respect and genuine concern for your children. You have to be involved with them, talk to them and show them how much you care. They have to continually get the message that it's them you care about, and not how what they do effects you. They need to know that you love them, no matter what they do. And they will start to change their behaviors, because they'll start to see themselves differently. They'll start to see themselves as valuable, and treat themselves accordingly.

Right now they're trying to 'prove' to themselves that they matter. They shouldn't have to prove it... they should already know it.

Like you, I'm the father of three...all about the same ages as yours. I've never had any of the difficulties you've described. Not once.

I have my kids 50% of the time and they are my topmost priority, before my job, before my girlfriend... before anything. My kids know that, and they've responded to it by caring about me, and what's good for me. In as much as I want to do what's best for them, they also want to do what's best for them... and for me.

That's what a family is. People who love and want the best for each-other. And that doesn't just happen. That begins with the parents. The have to be devoted to creating an environment where those values can thrive.

Sorry...no quick fixes. It's going to take years for your situation to get much better... but you've got time. All it takes is doing it.

Answer 5

Sounds like they are jealous about the fiancee. Spend some time alone with just them sometimes. Have a heart to heart not in front of the fiancee and find out what is bothering them. Sometimes children secretly hope that mom and dad will get back together. Seeing the fiancee reminds them that this is not going to happen. It can be overwhelming.

Answer 6

may be they subconsciously hate you for leaving their mum and think you don't love them anymore (that's what i felt when my dad left us..). Anyway there is a program on TV (in England at least) called Supernanny and another one called Nanny 911 (they also have book and dvds) it really helped most of the parents i know to get respect from their kids and get back the control of them. most of the problems are usually from the lack of communication, so try to spend more time with them and you have to tell them that you love them but they hurting you behaving like that.. they have to know about your feelings. good luck x

Answer 7

FAMILY MEETING TIME!!!!!!
Do you know that kids will treat you how everybody treats you?
You need to stand up for yourself and take back the control that you have given up too freely. You didn't even see it hit you did you...no. What I see is that you have let your ex wife have the reins in the family. What she said goes. Well Mr. You have a new home and a new wife -to - be. You have to start a new phase in your life as we as your kids. I use this in my home and I stick to it; Treat others how you want to be treated.
It takes time as well as patients, nothing good comes easy.
Good luck to you and your family!!

Answer 8

the truth is this u didnt teach ur kids , how to respect u from childhood. well, the question here is , did u tell ur kids the reason why u divorced their mom. have u had a father to son relationship with ur kids. do they like the woman u are about to bring into their lives. well u need to talk to ur kids, let them understand u better and teach them love.

Answer 9

one thing u need to know is no body belongs to anyone in this world..........i know its quite hard to believe in this..but why don't u sit one day n ask ur children y r they doing so ??? rn't u a human being?????u dont deny their meeting with thier mum nor u do for any other thing u love them so much.....u knw what i mean try to sho ur emotions to them....but find a right moment for that...by ur emotions they'll fro sure get melted a lil....after all they r ur own blood.

Answer 10

you must set boundaries with consequences you are willing to follow through on. Kids need structure and they will thank you for it later. They need to feel safe and see adults with integrity!