how to comfort?

Question

how do i comfort my 30 year old love when he is going through a very hard time.
his uncle has cancer
his mother is sick
he has alot of work and
he has to be in three palces at once
i don't know how to comfor him
i don't even see him now.
plz help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

With having ill people in the family you have the feeling you have to do it all alone. What you could do is start visiting the mom and uncle. Read about their illness, so you can explain whats going on. When you worry alot you dont really always get what the docs said. If you start visiting his mother/uncle on a regual basis, he will feel a little less pressure. At the beginning it could be that he might be moody, be pactient with him. Men are not like us, we cry our eyes out and have new engery, men cry inside without anybody watching, and try to keep face on the outside.
Dont be mad if he says something that hurts you, he is hurting too and probably will use you as a valve.
If you show your support to his uncle and mom he will soon see it too, if he starts to push you away, walk around him and keep at it. In the end when all has calmdown, he will see all you did in a positive light.
Maybe this site will assist you in your quest.
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/support/support-group
Good Luck

Answer 2

As one poster said, learn ALL you can about both the Uncle and Mother’s medical conditions. Become INVOLVED with them, see them, make practical items for them they can use. Don’t Pry but ask questions of the B/F,,, “what can I do to help”,, or volunteer to do tasks for him he doesn’t have time to do. L.I.S.T.E.N. observe, him, he will give cues to when he’s doing “ok”,, or having a real hard time. Expect him to growl at you over inappropriate situations, responses, conversations, etc.. Big trick here is recognize, understand, DO NOT take it personally! Instead if he grows,, ASK! “do you really mean that or are you stressed and “blowing off steam”? (I think you get the idea) Some men “externalize” most “internalize” Most women “externalize” few women “internalize”. Hence,, he will say things that hurt, but doubt if he wasn’t “stressed out” he would even think ½ the things he may say.

If you aren't seeing much of him now, send him something meaningful to his work that shows you are thinking of and care about him. (yup, as a man, I can say I even got flowers at work a couple of times!! And, it meant alot!!)

Answer 3

Be there for him, listen to him and sympathize with him, be supportive, and help him out in all the practical ways that you can.