what should I do about my sons behavior?

Question

My babies daddy recently moved out. I have a 5 year old son and his behavior is starting to get out of control, it has gotten really bad lately, but it started before he moved out. he tells people he hates them, he says people are jerks, he used to tell his dad to move out and that he doesn't love him. He is only 5 but I need to get this behavior stopped asap! he is causing a lot of problems between me and his dad and there will be no chance to work on things if his behavior doesn';t stop. no i am not blaming all our problems on him, but he isn't helping anything. he also has terrible crying fits and throws himself on the floor. I have tried time out and it doesn't help. I have tried taking things from him and that doesn't work, I have talked to him nicely about it, that doesn't work either. Please help me!

I know he is having a hard time, but I don't know how to deal with it!

Answer 1

Remember what it was like to be 5.
Now imagine that the person you thought would always be there has just left.

You, Mom, need to stop worrying about how his behavior is ruining things for you and the baby's daddy, and start focusing on your 5 year old's needs. Right now you are all he's got.

Sit him down and ask him how he feels about what's happened. He may not know how to express himself and will need your help.

Here's a suggestion on how to do it:

Make hot cocoa with marshmallows. Lay a blanket outside --day or evening, doesn't matter. Lay on your backs and watch the sky--this will make it easier to talk about hard stuff--for him especially, but also for you. The cocoa is important because it's a comfort thing.

Ask, "Are you mad, or sad, or scared about _______ leaving?"
"Do you know that Mommy's always going to be here for you?"

Hard truth: Your little boy is acting out because you're not listening. And if you don't listen now, he's going to stop talking to you in the long run.

Answer 2

Being that he is only 5 years old, NONE of his behavior should be blamed on him. No offense, but it should be blamed on both of you. Children aren't idiots- they know when things aren't right at home. His behavior is no doubt a direct result of the problems you've been having with his father. HE is not causing problems- both of you adults are by not having properly addressed his reactions to your own problems (but I do applaud you for at least seeking help here). If he's calling people jerks and telling them that he hates them, he's hearing it from somewhere. Is he picking up on conversations between the two of you? My suggestion is to seek FAMILY counseling (not just for him). Check with your son's school counselor first to see if there are any free family counseling services available through the school. My school just got involved with one this year.
It's possible your son also needs more positive attention from both of you (together and separate). He's not getting enough positive attention, so he's resorting to negative attention. With all the problems you've got in your relationship as a couple, you've no doubt had to give more attention to that relationship, which is taking away from your parent/child relationship as a result. Find some "Just you and me" time each day. It can be as simple as reading a book to him. Dad needs to do the same. Even though Dad has moved out, it's a good idea to try to do something together as a family. It should be something fun and centered around your rolls as parents. Check your local paper for fun activities in your community. Libraries offer free family activities all the time.

Once you start making these positive changes, you will eventually see your son's negative behavior die down. Be patient. Be firm yet fair in your punishment. Don't yell at him- just say things matter-of-factly and move on. Don't dwell on his negative behavior either- a swift form of punishment is all he needs (5 minutes in time out and then he's done). Have you ever watched SuperNanny? It's a cheesy reality show, but the techniques Super Nanny uses are HIGHLY effective. Give it a go, and best wishes. :)

Answer 3

positive reinforcement.... try to spend more time with him doing fun things.... at that age he should be able to do arts and crafts with you, and read books and other productive things that you can encourage him and tell him how great and wonderful he is being instead of the constant "stop" and frustration that he is feeling now.
kids love attention whether it is positive or negative... he clearly knows how to bring out the negative, so you have to teach him how to bring positive instead.
i am not saying that you don't spend time with him now, but no matter what the kid says he feels about his father, we all know that it is not true. he doesn't want his father to go, he just isn't sure how to express the real emotions that he has inside. your husband should take him outside and play ball and wrestle on the floor, and hours and hours a day should be focused on this boy having fun and feeling good about himself.
since your son is a part of the conflict between you and hubby, you guys should put your differences aside and focus on getting your child in a stable position and get him feeling more focused and better behaved, then you will have time to address any other issues without your most prized possesion being a negative factor in it.
maybe making a team work situation out of helping your son will bring you two back together.

Answer 4

Children do what you let them do and they will test you and attempt to take charge.

You have to establish a pecking order in your home. You are the mommy and he is merely a child (you love him nonetheless)

He knows that throwing these tantrums takes you off of your square so he does it to get under your skin.

When he starts one of these fits in the home, I would walk away or take him to a room where he can be alone. He should not have an audience.

Also try a behavior chart....these things work wonders!!!!!!! Please believe me.

I have my daughter on one to encourage her to complete her house chores...but you can have on strictly for behavior and reward him for the points or stars accumulated at the end.

Kids love earning points, gifts and your respect. Make him work for his extra curricular activities such as TV time, snacks, computer time, movies, going outside.

The trick is that you have to stick with this system, when he doesn't earn the points, don't reward him, but explain why he isn't getting rewarded.

When he does well, reward him with praise, hugs and kisses and little treats.

Good Luck.

email me if you have any questions:[e-mail]

Answer 5

He's just a baby. His behavior is a cry out for help. There is something going on in his life that is making him act that way. It is your job as the parent to figure out what. Was the father mean to you and or him? Did you all fight often? Could there be things going on at school that made him anxious? If his behaviors are really bad you need to get him to see a mental health professional. He may have an underlying mental health illness like Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or even ADHD. Find out what it is and also find out what is going on in the poor kid's life to make him act the way he does.

Answer 6

Obviously he is feeling either angry or hurt maybe you should look into counseling i went through similiar situations with my son he was 5 then also he was not adjusting to my divorce from his dad then 6 months later his dad died he was even angry at God for taking him . he is now ten and an honor student he has been in counseling for 5 years at the age of 8 he was diagnosed bipolar . He maybe scarred that people he cares about will leave him and counseling will help i guarante it

Answer 7

That sounds kind of like my older sisters situation. Her and her husband decided to get a divorce and now their 7 year old son he a brat. If you or your sons dad can not get some sense into him you'll need some kind of perfessional. Try and see if you can get your son something that will make him stop throwing tantroms. Whether it's a toy or something else he likes. If he doesn't behave I'd tell him you can't have this (example: video games) but if it's that bad you should get a perfessional.

Answer 8

I am so sorry that this is happening, and I am sure that it is hard to deal with. This is my advice to you. Your son is 5. At age 5, they do not know all the emotions that we do. They know the basic ones like, Mad, Sad, hungry, sleepy... Your son is in a situation that is requiring him to have adult feelings. He doesnt know how to deal with them, except to act out. Children throw tantrums because they dont have the vocabulary or the maturity to say.. "mom, dad, I am so upset with the way things are going in this family... I feel like I am getting tossed around and noone is listening to me" Since they cannot say that, they act out. The tantrums are done when he has had his fill and has too many emotions inside of him. He cannot voice them because he doesnt understand them. He tells his dad "you dont love me" because he feels that he doesnt. in his eyes, if he loved him, he wouldnt leave. Instead, Dad should say, "son I love you, and I will always, but things arent going the way they should right now, and we need to work on it. I would never leave you because I love you so much. " He tells people they are jerks because that is the meanest word in his vocabulary. Be glad that is all he says!!!! Here is what needs to be done. DO NOT condone this behavior. When the throws himself down, walk away. DO NOT try to talk to him. Tell him.. "I will be in the kitchen when you are done, and when you are ready to use your words.. I will listen." When he sees that he isnt getting the attention, he will stop. Do not yell, do not tell him to stop, just walk away. When he gets into the kitchen, get down to his level and tell him that you know that he is upset, and ask him why. Tell him you understand that he is hurting, but that he must trust that his mom and dad love him very much. This will work. It may take a little bit for him to understand that you will talk to him about it, but he will get it after a couple times. It is just like teaching your child how to put on a coat. They dont get it the first time you do it.. they dont understand, but after you do it a few times, they know what to expect. Children are learning from you all the time. They are learning how to react to a situation. If you yell, then you are teaching him to yell. If you pout, it teaches him to pout. EVERYTHING you do is teaching them. Try not to fight in front of children, but if you do, make sure that it is a fair fight, lower your voice and talk it out rationally. If the father wont, then walk away and tell him, I am not going to yell, but I would love to talk to you when you are ready to have a civil conversation. This teaches your child that walking away is okay. I know this is hard on you, and just think what it is like for your son!! He doesnt understand what is going on and how to deal with it like you do!! Keep him talking.. positive renforcement, and try to keep him out of it as much as you can. Please! He is learning from your every move. Good Luck and God Bless you and your family!

Answer 9

Your child is seeing and hearing what you and his father say and do. He is feeling like he's losing his Dad and children this young don't know how to control their emotions. You and his father need to be supportive and reassuring for him. Stop fighting in front of him!! They are listening even when you don't think they are. Give him some one on one attention, he is a little boy and if crying gets him any kind of attention he will take it. Love him, he didn't ask to be put in this world, you brought him here and it's your job to care for him and give him your all. Don't be so selfish don't you think this is affecting him too? It will take time.

Answer 10

Ask you doctor for some help. He might be able to help. My friends daughter does that also and the started talking to doctors and friends and got her in with a group of children just like her and once she seen how it felt not getting all the attention she stopped it.
good Luck