How do you deal with a boss who is VILE to you?

Question

We dont work together all the time, but when we do....
He is sarcastic, patronizing, miserable and arrogant.
He ridicules me when i get something wrong and moans at me when one of the clients has pissed him off. He makes me feel like I dont know anything.
He is also my cousin.

I do not want to find a new job. I love my job.
I cant say anything to the family cuz its a good opportunity and they will think im ungrateful.

How do you cope with someone like this?
I keep telling myself, thats just the way he is and just be glad im not like him, but it doesnt help.

Will 'what goes around' eventually 'come around'?

Answer 1

Sounds like the Boss From Helsinki, for sure.
Bummer that you're related. But, time to rise to the occasion.
NEVER let him see you purturbed, frazzled, frustrated, pissed, irritated, angry, tearful, bummed or sad. You're gonna' hafta' figure out the coping style that'll help you survive this man's nasty behavior.
You can't be alone, your coworkers see him also. Determine to stay above his level, and when he dishes the shitake, step aside. Let him make his sputtering display of immature comments and accusations, he's sealing his own doom. ALWAYS conduct yourself with professionalism (that stuff he left behind), and your reputation (like his) will preceed you.
Do you meditate? Pray? Do yoga? Exercise? Write? Download to a friend? Make voodoo dolls? Get in touch with what you need to keep your coping skills together so this guy doesn't surprise you off guard and you weaken under the pile of suppressed tension you didn't assimilate in a healthy fashion. He WILL have his day, and with any luck you'll see it. Until then, carry yourself like you know a secret (that you have self-control and he doesn't), and this man's demeanor is BELOW you.
Punk.

Answer 2

Is there anyone ranked higher than him? (A supervisor or manager above him?). You can maybe talk with them about the awkwardness you are having in regards to him. Perhaps they can move you to a different department to get over the awkwardness. Because you are related makes it more difficult. Or perhaps, catch him outside work and tell him you really need to speak to him for a moment. Make it a serious discussion and tell him that you enjoy working for the company, however, you wish he would respect you and the customers more because it does bother you. Don't know him well, but perhaps he didn't realize he was being that way. Then again he may just laugh at you like you're crazy and not think anything of it. That's up to you and how well you know him.

Answer 3

You know the old saying "Kill them with Kindness" well that is what I would do. When he starts ridiculing you and moaning and such just tell him I am so sorry you are having a bad day. I have a boss that isn't always nice and I just accept that is the way she is. I am not saying it don't bother me as it does but I just go on with my work. I don't let it get me down in other words. I do my job and I give it 100% and I know I will sometimes mess up but that makes me strive to do even better. We are human and we make mistakes. But if we learn from those mistakes and don't make them again then it was a lesson well learned. If I recall right there was only one perfect person and that was Jesus. We won't ever be perfect that is for sure. I just am really nice to my boss when she gets in one of her tirades. I just say "Kill him with kindness". See what happens when you react positively to his moods.
When he ridicules you for doing wrong just say I am sorry and I will try not to make the same mistake again and leave it at that. Remember one saying "Those who anger you control you"
and don't let him get to you. Hopefully once he sees he isn't getting anything but kindness from you maybe he will stop being the way he is. I understand the family job and all but there may come a time when you have to stand up for yourself. But I would try the kindness part first before I confront him.

Answer 4

Tell him"how does he think he will get the best out of you ,if he is continually ridicules you. No one goes to work hoping that they will fail,so instead of shouting insults,why don't you both sit down and learn from mistakes made. that way you can both go away with some positives.
If your trying your best(and look at yourself before you answer that) Has he reason to be annoyed. Are you 100% "at work" and concentrating on work,not on where your going out in the evening.If that is the case then "go that extra mile" for a month and make sure you tell him what you have done and how long it took you.It could make your job/relationship last longer.
The other thing i thought of.Try to have a more assertive/professional personnality while you are at work.It's one thing to be a nice cousin,but this is bussiness and money we are talking about,some people get very posesive of their money

Answer 5

He may be your cousin but as an employee you do have rights when it comes to harrassment, which is what I envisage this to be. Check up on your rights, then make an appointment to have a chat with him, in work, and point out what you have found. Try to negotiate a compromise with him. Be completely open and honest about the way he makes you feel when he does this. It might be difficult but if he's made to see that his attitude is making you feel downtrodden, then he might calm it a little.

You said he's your boss, but is he the Managing Director, or Chairman of the Company? Could you take your complaint to a higher management? It's worth a thought.

Negotiation for a happier work environment is what you need... don't anger him. It needs to be settled in a friendly manner but it needs to be settled soon, before you get to the end of your tether.

I hope this is of some help. Good luck to you. :-)

Answer 6

I would do nothing on the job because he could fire you.
I do think he is a miserable creature, created by his own bad attitudes, and ultimately will have it fall in on him one way or the other.
As far as coping, I can't say I have any constructive suggestions, other than what you are doing, to be happy you are not him. Otherwise the only other thought is that he can not make you feel in any way incompetent or anything else if you do not let him. Just imagine the silly Prat standing there in floppy Tartan Pyjamas, laugh to yourself, and hope they fall down in the back as he walks off... he is acting it, he might as well show it!
I would have probably been sacked by now--putting crisps in his chair, marmite in his computer drives, glue in his tea... my signature says it all...
--Charles, "That Cheeky Lad"

Answer 7

Persevere! What goes around does come around in the end, so you just have to get on with your job and do the best you can until you can find another position. You want to keep things smooth for the family too I bet.

I worked with the brother of a friend once and he was just awful; patronising and snide and micro-managed me like you wouldn't believe! I didn't want to upset my friend though, so I just kept at it and kept on smiling and doing the job to the best of my abilities. By the end he wanted me to stay and offered a raise when I left, but I was Out Of There and no looking back!

Answer 8

Hello Snert,

He sounds really horrible. YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO in an nonjudgmental way. This is the type of thing that can make you ill if you hold all these feelings in. He's a bully and your right to be upset. Try a word search on bullying in the work place and see if you can find some counselling. Do it now before the situation makes you feel any worse. xx

Answer 9

1. Tell his mom.
2. Steal from him.
3. Send love letters to business associates from his emai account.
4. Put whoopie cushions on his boardroom chair.
5. Look for a new job.

Ok, the only serious one was #5, but at least you can fantasize about the others.

Answer 10

try typing this up and mailing it to him at work:
you are sarcastic, patronising, miserable and arrogant. You ridicule people when they make mistakes and whine and moan about your own incompetency. You make people feel like you think they are stupid. I don't know how to tell you this without causing a scene, so I'm sending this off anonymously in the hope that it may cause you to examine your recent behaviour. In the future, try to develop some respect or at least learn to fake it.