I think I'm in love with a married woman. How do I get over this?

Question

I've known this woman for about a year now. We talk to each other whenever we can. We can talk about anything to each other.
I always thought of this woman as a friend.

For a little while, we lost contact of each other for a few months because of certain work-related circumstances. When I talked to her again, I found out she got married. She apparently met this guy at work about 5 months ago, but started dating about 3 months ago. Now they're married. I feel shocked and I think a little heart broken.

I didn't realize this, but I had feelings for her for a while. It just didn't surface until I found out she got a significant other.

Now I can't get over my feelings for her. Especially, after she got married she told me that she has feelings for me, too. Now I have a lot of regret.

Please don't say, "Just get over it," "forget about her," or "ignore those feelings." I don't know how to get over a person. I need an idea on a good start.

P.S. I won't let her cheat on her husband.

I won't let her cheat on her husband because it just feels wrong. I don't want this to be more immoral than it already is.

Answer 1

If she's been married such a short time and is even considering cheating on her new husband....just wait it out. There is no way that marriage will last.

On the other hand....do you really want someone who would make these kind of knee jerk decisions?

You may be soul mates, destined by the stars and fate...yadda yadda. If that's the case, you'll know soon enough and I wish you all the best. Maybe she made a hasty mistake and you two will be together for the long haul.

I would keep the lines of communication open and see where it leads. Tread carefully and good luck!

Answer 2

We always want something more when we know we can't have it. You don't want anyone telling you to get over it or to forget about her, well your going to hear it anyway. You need to accept the fact that she is married and no longer available. You say you won't let her cheat on her husband, but in a sense you are already allowing it by continuing this emotional attachment with her. She is a married woman telling you that she has "feelings" for you, and she has only been married for a short time! Sounds like a real nice, trustworthy girl! I am being sarcastic! You need to end this friendship and do whatever it was you were doing when you lost contact with her before. The girl isn't stable!

Answer 3

You have feelings for her. She has feelings for you too even after getting married. You don't want to just get it over with, forget her or ignore those feelings. Also won't let her cheat on her husband. What more to say??

The only way out depends on the woman. She should decide who she wants to be with, you or the husband. If she chooses you, she need to talk to the husband and get it over with. If she chooses the husband, you should accept it and take her as a friend. It is for her to decide.

Anyway, the best solution is you should take her as a friend and forget about it as you are late. Blame it on fate..

Answer 4

If you are serious about getting over this person, there are steps you can take but it would include putting distance between the two of you. I'm not so sure you want to do this because of the obvious friendship you've established with her. But... every time you think of her name, face, etc. push those thoughts out of your head and replace it with something else. Perhaps the thought of some vacation spot you've always wanted to visit. I know it sounds trivial but it helps. A lot of people use food instead of a vacation spot but this is unhealthy. It's a matter of retraining your mind to think of other things. It's hard and it takes time but if you're serious about it and do it consistently, you'll have more time invested in thoughts of a nice vacation than of a married woman. Good luck!

Answer 5

If you love her go after her. Don't let the rest of your life be filled with regret. Tell her, if she feels the same then you proceed from there and see what happens. If she doesn't it is probably best for you anyway as it will eat you alive inside seeing her with someone else. Don't hold it inside and try and pursue her but take a no as a no.

Answer 6

First off she is not a possesion that you can control her actions. If she chooses to cheat on her husband that is HER business. However, if you are the person you should be, you will take charge of YOUR emotions and feelings rather than feeling that they are in charge of you and make sure that YOU don't cheat with her on her husband.

Answer 7

FROM YOUR LAST COMMENT...I SEE WHY SHE CHOSE TO MARRY SOMEONE ELSE...
YOU SEEM TO BE CONTROLLING...IN THAT STATEMENT...
YOU WONT LET HER CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND...THAT MUST MEAN THAT SHE HAS NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER...
WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?
TO GET OVER HER...YOU WILL HAVE TO FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE...OR SOMEONE ELSE...MAYBE YOUR SELF...TAKE LONG WALKS...CLEAR YOUR HEAD..REALIZE THAT SHE IS MARRIED...SHE MUST HAVE WANTED IT THAT WAY...AND LET HER BE HAPPY WITH HIM....
YOU WILL BE A BETTER PERSON FOR IT...FOCUS ON YOURSELF..MAYBE TAKE SOME CLASSES AT THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE..ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS..

Answer 8

We can't help our feelings for someone else, but we can help what we choose to do about those feelings.
Go out, have fun with other friends you have in your life.

Answer 9

Well obviously she doesn't feel the same way about you maybe the feelings she has for you are just feelings like for a friend. so really try to get over her. you really have no choice

Answer 10

simply just let her know that its inappropriate. if it was meant to be then it wouldve been. we women tend to get bored when our men dont seem to appreciate us, or when they dont show us attention. this could cause us to search elsewhere for it. the chances are she would do it to you as well, and how would you like it if your wife was doing that?