Should i have an abortion?

Question

I'm 26 years old.I have 3 children aged 3, 6 and 10
i'm in a good relationship with their father.
i'm around 6 and half weeks pregnant

I'm happy where my life is at the moment, my children are at the ages now where life is easier. Before this happened, I was adamant that I didnt want anymore kids. I cant bear the thought of going through it all over again.

In the same breath though, ive never disagreed with abortions, I think what is right for one person is the right thing to do. But its something I dont think I could cope with. I dont think I could ever forgive myself.

My partner doesnt really want to go through having another baby either, but hes being very supportive and says no matter what desision I make, he will stick by me 100%.

I just really dont know what to do. How do I even start to make a desision like this and know its the right desision at that?

Please anyone, just a tiny little bit of advice on how I come round to making this type of desision? xxxx

I didnt ask for an ear bashing from all the anti-abortion people out there, i simply asked how on earth could i make this type of desision?
I would have been sterilised if my doctor let me. I'm still young and theres not a lot of doctors out there that would let me at this age, regardless of how many children i have. I was using contraception. Accidents happen. Thank you to those that havent judged me. Your advice means a lot to me. I will carry on reading any more replies from you all, thank you. xxx

My children dont know about this pregnancy. I really dont think i could consider adoption as my other children would know i was carrying a baby further down the line. I couldnt do that to them, let alone myself.

College_math_guy....Your story has really touched me, and so has quite a lot of the advice from all of you. I think if i search deep within, i know i could never go through with an abortion, i'm just scared. 4 children is a lot to cope with. I need reasurance that we can do this and my partner wont give it me, as he aint struck on the idea of having another one, i know he will support me all the way though.

Answer 1

I went through the same thing. I'm 28 3 kids now with 1 more on the way in about 4wks. We didn't want anymore we thought the same things you thought of yeah it's alot of stress when you are starting over but you Willl get through it you say the father is very supportive and so is mine so you shouldn't have that much to worry about I have all girls and about to have another one their ages are 12 8 and 4 can you just imagine. but just keep your head up and take and get all the help you can. I'm not against abortions but you still have to thank about the long run after you do it wil there be any guilt so only you can answer that. but i wish you all the luck in the world because we are going to need it

Answer 2

I am not going to judge you. I admire you for being such a good mother, and for considering your children first. I hope down the line that I will be like you. Anyway, if you don't think you can cope with an abortion, don't. It will depress you, losing your own child. Then your own children will wonder why you're not yourself, etc. Perhaps you could put the child up for adoption? Most parents that adopt will want you as a part of the baby's life, so you could visit, etc. I also agree that an abortion is your own decision. If you do not want your other children to feel like perhaps you like them better, or that you can't care for them and will give them up too, maybe you SHOULD get an abortion. But if you feel like this is your baby, and you should care for it, maybe you SHOULD have it and give it to someone else to take care of, who wants a child. There is nothing worse then a little kid knowing they were unwanted by the very people who care for them. However, if you would never think of putting YOUR baby in someone else's hands, you might keep it. Or there is another option. I read about a woman who had 4 kids and was pregnant. She could not bring herself to abort, or put it up for adoption to a stranger. But her and her husband could not afford a baby. The mother's sister, however, was unable to have children, and desparately wanted a baby. They gave it to the sister, and the baby was still in the family, and well taken care of, and they could visit it often, and the child always knew who it's parents were. This is a good option also. If is your choice, and no one can make it for you. It will take many hours of reflection and thought from you and your boyfriend. (I am also very glad you two have such a good relationship!) No matter what, do what you feel is right, and you should never regret! God bless you, your family, and this baby, I really do look up to you! And for all those above me giving this young woman a hard time, show some respect for a mother doing the best she can, and for her deep thought! Abortion is not wrong because you wouldn't do it! People's situations and decisions vary, like skin color. Many people feel abortion is the answer. Many don't. You need to stop being judgmental. Once again, never change, do what you feel is right, and have a nice day! This is no small decision!

Answer 3

Don't just assume you should get an abortion b/c you don't want your kids to deal with a pregnant mommy. It could actually be a great learning experience for everyone. To learn how to deal with consequences of our actions, and how to make a loving choice that isn't always an easy choice to make.
I'm a big believer that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Your became pregnant for a reason. There is a plan for that little child. And maybe that plan is for you to give the gift of life to another family who couldn't otherwise have a child.
I used to think abortion was a decision only a woman could make. But now, boy do I see differently. I have a child. And I have two miscarraiges. The second was at home. And my baby, only 11 wks along, was perfect in every way. It's easy to think of a "fetus" as this unfeeling blob of cells - but they are anything but. That's not to guilt you out - that's just reality.
As it is...an abortion will stay with you forever. My sister had one and is still haunted by "what ifs." She would gladly turn back time and endure 9-10 months of hardship and give the baby a decent home thru adoption.
Boy, this is such a tough, tough decision for you, and I hope that you find some peace with it...

Answer 4

Wow, I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. Im sure it also doesnt help when you seek advice from others, who's only response is to tell you that abortion is murder! You can sit here all day searching for the answers, but in the end you have to do whats best for you. I myself am living proof that birth control doesnt always work, and life presents us with those obstacles. I personally dont know if I could handle adoption, mainly because there will always be that constant wonder and a million "what if" questions in my head. The important thing is that you have the love and support from you husband. I think the best thing would be to sit down an weight the good from the bad. Ask yourself questions like, " Am I ready to start from scratch" " are we finacially stable to handle 4 kids" " Can we give this child the love and care they need" Things like that, and make your decision. If you do choose abortion, it will be hard, but thats a choice only you can make. No one can tell you how you are going to feel afterwards. I know it sounds harsh, but I have heard cases where the mother feels a sense of relief instead of regret. What Im getting at is only you know the answers, but make sure you ask yourself the right questions before you decide. Hope all goes well for you. Remember, its your choice. Dont let other people opinions affect the outcome of you and your families lives.

Answer 5

I am so sorry some of the answers you are getting are so nasty toward you considering abortion. You are asking for advise not a bashing.
I believe every woman has the right to decide what is right for her self about abortion. Do I really think it is right or wrong? I'm not sure.
Personally I don't think I could do it because I have miscarried 3 children. I can tell you this about losing a child. There isn't a week I don't think about them. I am lucky to have one child but that doesn't mean I don't miss the other 3 lost children.
Only you can decide what is right for you and your family.
Have you thought about adoption? I mean it could be hard to carry the child for 9 months and then let it go to another family.
But there are concerns there also. How to make sure the child went to a family who really wanted it and would not abuse the child.
If your other children know about the pregnancy, make sure they understand what ever decision you make.
Peace to you.

Answer 6

I did some research some time back, and found that most (something like 97%) women who get an abortion that is not medically necessary end up with some level of depression and other psychological issues. If you don't want to have a baby, ever again, then you need to get a tubal ligation after this one is born. If you don't want a tubal ligation, the shots work very well. Abortion is not birth control. If you don't want to keep this baby, then you can arrange an open adoption with a good, reputable adoption agency. They allow you to meet the prospective adoptive parents and get to know them so you can feel more comfortable about where the baby is going. Also, if you let your other children know about the baby, and explain to them that you are going to give him/her to a nice couple who cannot have a child of their own, that will help your current children to cope.

Answer 7

I had an abortion at age 18, it drastically changed my life and view point on life (for the better). It is something I am so not proud of but something I can not change at this point. My only advice to you is if you are going to have an abortion make sure it is truly what you want, it will haunt you forever if its not.

I do not agree with some peoples advice on adoption because of two things.

1. I have been on the sour end of an adoption deal and had a child taken from me that lived with me for 6 years, so over all adoption sucks to me.

2. You would have to go through all the "wonderful" parts of pregnancy and then not be able to keep the baby at the end. I know with my girls I had so much morning sickness I wouldnt have another baby ever for myself or anyone else (I had my tubes tied for that very reason!)

Talk with the father make sure he is supportive, if you have an abortion you will need his support. If you dont have one, you are surely going to need his support.

Think about it alot, chances are you won't feel 100% sure of an answer but you need to feel sure enough with your choice that you will be able to live with that choice for the rest of your life.

Good luck

Answer 8

Wow, this must really be a difficult time for you and your husband, I'm so sorry you're going through this. There are good and bad points to both of the options that you have. But it really comes down to you. If you don't think that you could cope with an abortion, that's understandable, and you shouldn't do it. But if you don't think that you are going to be able to cope with a baby that you have to take care of the rest of your life, you REALLY shouldn't do that. You should really weigh the pros and cons of having an abortion, and having some pain and heartache now, or having a baby that you are responsible for another 18 years and beyond!Have you considered adoption? I hope this helps, good luck with whatever happens!

Answer 9

I'm also 26. No abortions please!! If you really truely don't want the baby adopt the baby out. A baby is not a choice. It is a life. I love kids so much!!! Just think your child could be someone who finds a cure for cancer or changes the world in some other great big way!! You never know!! Please reconsider. Don't chose abortion. So many really nice people want to adopt because they are unable to have kids! Thanks for not making a rash desicion and you are really lucky to have such a suportive husband. BTW I know that I wouldn't be able to live if I decided to kill a baby...

Answer 10

I suggest you give the baby up for adoption, and it will be hard for you to do that once you deliver the child. Just think of the 3 kids you have now, and be happy that you did't abort any of them. Many couples would love to have a child but can't have one themselves. Friendly advice, get on some birth control. May you have peace and a healthy baby.