feel like giving up - nothing I ever do is good enough?

Question

My brother has just pinned me up against the wall by my throat...hes 23 I'm 24......for absolutely nothing and my mother sat there and did nothing. I dont even feel like I'm part of the family....she hasnt even asked me if I'm ok

He doesn't even live at home, I'm only home for the winter, and it all started because I went on the computer and he turned round and said 'dont you ask' to which I replied 'whats that got to do with you? I live here you dont'

My mother still hasnt even bothered asking if I'm okay. Before my sister died I used to come down here as little as possible cos she was always being nasty with me, looks like its my brothers turn now

its like I'm always 2nd best

I dont live at home, I'm only home for the winter and then I move to cyprus for good

Answer 1

Well, being 24 and living with Mommy says a whole lot about the person that you are. It's past time that you take responsibility for yourself.
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My apologies to Stoobie....I misunderstood his situation. So....just visit less. They ARE you family, but nobody says that you have to LIKE them, or visit with them!

Good luck, Dude.

Answer 2

Your mother sounds as if she just does not ahve the inclination or the energy to intervene between two adults fighting in her house.
Siblings fight........
But at teh age of 23 and 24 should be beyond the physical, I am sure there has been a whole lot of water under the bridge over the years that is not written in the question. You don't say where you fit in as in first second or third born. Middle children syndrome is real notimagined and could go part way to the mental platform you ar now working from. You are a person in your own right, a valuable person and if you are not and have not been treated with the respect you deserve then time to command it........move out.........move on and let them wonder and ask ...........don't be the dogsbody the one who is the punch bag forthe frustrations of theothers. Maybe try asking your mum how she is feeling after the fight.....what has it raised in her.

Answer 3

I am sorry that you are going through this situation. I felt that way a time or two in my life that nothing I was ding was good enough. Some days I still do... What you have to do is realize that the problem is not with you. Your mom and brother are the ones with the issues. I know that it is hard right now. But it will work out. Life has a way of doing things like that. Just be patient. Breathe and TRY not to let it get you down too much. Go for a walk, call a friend... Do something to get your mind off your family and surround yourself with people that appreciate you if you feel like being alone then that is fine too. But you do need to communicate and talk to some one you can confide in

Answer 4

What you are involved with now is sibling rivalry.

The outcome is that mother favors one over the other, and eventually the "winner" gets all of mom's attention, and eventually all that mom owns as well.

The problem seems to be with mom.

She wants this rivalry to go on, perhaps has a sinister liking.

I would cool it down, because it could get you into real trouble.

Move away, then write a nasty letter to mom and brother, spill your guts and tell them what you think.

Looking at this problem in a broader perspective, everyone wants more than the next guy, and everyone has a nasty attitude.

Sometimes the playing field gets evened out, and I certainly hope that happens to you before it's too late.

Remember:

Nothing is worth it anymore, and people, for the most part, are stupid and uncaring. They forgot about SHARING!

Answer 5

Your mother sounds like she is dealing with her own demons ... you siad your sister had died; perhaps your mother is still grieving in her way or doesn't want to alienate your brother and lose another child. But it doesn't excuse the physical threat from your brother who comes into the house and is treated as more important than you.
If you cannot speak to your mother and she won't defend you on this, or at least stand your corner, then regretfully you have to look at living away from this situation.
It's very sad, but have a think about whether our sister's death has changed the dynamics of the family and whether there is anything that could bring you all back together as a true family.
Good luck, with whatever your decision is

Answer 6

First of all, your brother has assaulted you. If you wanted, you could press charges against him.

Second..it sounds like your family is both verbally and physically abusive, in which case, you don't need that in your life. If you're able, find some place else to stay for the winter--with friends, or whatever. You need to be honest with your mother and tell her how you feel, and that if things don't change, when you go to cyprus you won't be looking back.

Answer 7

That's bang out of order. Isn't there any where you could go? Phone a mate and get out for a while, go back when your **** brother is no longer there and try talking to your mum about this. If you don't get the answers your looking for find some where else to live and be happy.
Only there for the winter. Well hang in there and try to talk with your mum about this be for you leave. You still need to find why she's like this. good luck

Answer 8

My mother quit monitoring me and my sis after we turned 20. and trust me we were still picking an agrument almost at every get together. (never physical) it did not stop until I was almost 35 and my brother died and knocked some sence into us.
Your mother may see this as just a sibling thing and does not see it more than horse play. You took this from your sister so your brother sees it as his right also.It is never to late to stand up for yourself. Say you have had enough and when your brother comes over you are going to leave the house unless he can treat you like an adult. But you pushed at him by saying I live here not you ! it is like mom likes me and lets me move back home but not you

Answer 9

If you are that old why are you still living at home? Get a place of your own. It will make you feel more comfortable. You don't have to let your brother or mom come to your house if you don't want them there. You can visit if you choose and you can get on your computer anytime you want to. If it isn't your computer and you don't have the money to get your own then go to the local library and use theirs. You shouldn't hate yourself for your feelings. You can feel that way but it isn't you. It is them and adult siblings and parents can't live together without problems. Get your own place and you will think more of yourself for your accomplishments. Good luck to you. Give yourself a gift of freedom for the holidays.

Answer 10

You too, Well welcome to the club. There are many of us out here that seem to have chosen the wrong family to be born in.

I was quite aware of it long before I was your age and kept to myself as much as possible until I had enough education and I must say guts to get the hell out and have a life for me.

I was 22 wen I finally went far enough away that none of the family could just drop by and cause me problems.

Here is one for you to think about. After many years of mostly stayting away from where the rest of the family is but still kept in touch with my parents. My father died and I was notified rather quickly but 20 years later when my mother died it was 44 days before I received word from any of the family.

Once you get yourself out and doing for you then life most likely will be better for all of you. Visit from time to time but not very long at a time. Most important keep your problems from the family.

Answer 11

1st off........ur brother should never have touched u........he is suppose to be a man..does not seem like much of one..but a man should never lay a hand on a woman...nor should a woman abuse a man..........but ur mother is like so many other mother's.....she thinks if she closes her eyes then nothing happened. My mother goes so far as saying......"I don't want to hear it, I can't handle it." I know ur not he first to go thru this and wont be the last.......but it pisses me off when a man uses his brute force against a woman. How to open ur mothers eyes? I guess......and; this is a guess........tell her the next time ur brother tries to choke u ............u'll call the police........if she gets mad then ask her...if she would call the police if he was chocking her? Ask her if she would approve of u being with a man that would chock u? Open up her eyes and if she refuses to see........then do what u have to do to be safe.........period. Also i know what it's like to seem like second best........but it's not the way u should feel. I know easier said than done....but usually the jerks of this life think they are number one.........so the people who care are left feeling second best.....but I promise anyone who uses violence is always...........way below 2nd best.........good luck and find someone who is nothing like ur brother