My aunts rotate every other year hosting Christmas dinner for the family. We have about 35 people come each time. I just found out that in order to come and have Christmas dinner at their house you have to pay $15.00 per family to help cover the cost of the food. Is this okay to do to your family members? Wouldn't it be better to have potluck or decline to host the party instead? Neither one of aunts has money problems that I know of. I am considering not even going to Christmas dinner this year because I feel really bothered by this. Am I being crazy, or do they have a right to do this?
2006-11-25 23:22:28 · 23 answers · asked by shortcakegirl45 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I've never seen anyone tell their family they have to pay to go to a family dinner. Its supposed to be a festive time. We have in the past divided what we were having and had people make different things or bring other items like drinks.
If I were you, I'd call your aunt and ask her if she'd rather you help make something rather than pay to go to dinner. Either that or provide a receipt to show you that she actually spent the money because I would feel uncomfortable going if she was just trying to make a profit off of her family... like charging for her labor and rental of her house.
2006-11-25 23:30:20 · answer #1 · answered by Caitlin 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, they have a "right" to do anything they want - but I think it's very rude, and rather strange. If you're hosting a dinner, you pay for the spread for everyone. It's a nice idea to rotate it, so that a different person pays every year. I would never dream of hosting a dinner and then making people pay to come.
I agree with you. It would be better to do it as a potluck or not to host it at all. But, it's a free country, so saying they don't have the "right" is a little strong. It's just odd.
2006-11-26 02:46:23 · answer #2 · answered by locolady98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to read this again! I thought at first you said $15 per person! If the aunt is providing all of the food, then $15 per family is not a bad deal. Feeding 35 people is a very big expense!
However, I have never heard of anyone doing this! Where I live, the hostess usually provides the meat, and everyone else brings a dish.
Whether you go or not, depends on how badly you want to be with your family. If you don't care, don't go. But if you go, maybe you could say what a big job it is for one person to prepare all the food, and suggest they ask everyone to bring a dish next year.
What ever you decide, I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
2006-11-26 00:22:32 · answer #3 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ive heard of families that are so large they rent a reception hall like place and will ask the members of the family to help contribute to pay for the space, but never for a meal. I would go with the potluck idea. everyone can each make a different dish (make a list as to who is making what so that way you wont have 5 green bean cassaroles lol) and it isnt going to cost everyone $15.00.
I wouldnt decline as a host, instead I would change it up and do the potluck and say " well as host this year this is how im running the show" if they dont like the idea, then tell them they can be host next year.
2006-11-25 23:34:05 · answer #4 · answered by clubsandra 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Having just hosted a family get together at my new house for the first time, I can tell you, it is tough. But I asked everyone to come. I wanted to do it. If I had not, I would not have done it.
If you're the only person going, ask if you can bring a covered dish instead. Then ask what she would like you to bring.
She has no right to ask for money, especially if she can afford to host the dinner. She does have the right to say, "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to host the dinner this year. Can someone else do it?"
2006-11-26 02:59:04 · answer #5 · answered by Josi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely have the right to decline!!! But, think of it this way.... would you want to miss out on all the family fun just because you were annoyed that you and your family had to bring 15 bucks with you? It's cheap of your aunt, but if you want to see your family and enjoy the holiday cheer, buck up and pay out! You can ask or complain about the money later on. Ask why wasn't there a pot luck instead? If you couldn't handle 35 people then why didn't you host?
Don't harbor resentment against your aunt - maybe she has a different set of values and sees nothing wrong with asking for money from her family to help her plight. (Still, it seems tacky.)
2006-11-26 05:09:51 · answer #6 · answered by Audania 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never heard of anything like this. However, is it possible that everyone enjoyed their efforts so much, but knew the grocery bills for such a get-together were such a hardship, that they came together and offered that they would share the costs of such a celebration? That would seem reasonable, and maybe it's only become a "mandatory" fee because it was so expected by other members of your family and not your aunts. And after all $15 for a place at the family feast for your immediate family seems a pretty minimal cost. I would just go with the flow - it would cost more than that to prepare a holiday meal for yourself at home, and definitely more if you're eating out with more than one. Yes, it seems a bit rude that someone expects this, but perhaps there were better meanings behind it when it started.
2006-11-26 01:32:06 · answer #7 · answered by JenV 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Years ago some family members asked if there was anything particular I needed. But these days they don't ask, and I don't say. I've heard it said that I'm easy to get for because I like everything. ( not true but I do appreciate everything). My feeling is that if someone gives me a gift it should be a "gift" from them and not something I picked myself. Those who know me best know the type of person I am and what I like. To me, homemade is the best, if possible. Once my younger son ( he was in his 20's) took a great deal of effort and time into making me a beautiful bird feeder that resembled my barn.. He put some of the shingles on the roof that had come from my home that had been destroyed in a storm.That gift meant the world to me. Today it sits on my stone wall although it is battered. Once when he was a teenager he saved to buy me the most beautiful earrings. He picked them himself and it meant so much. I was really surprised.Personally I like a gift from someone else's heart and am always satisfied and grateful with whatever they have given me.Although I don't have a husband any longer I have heard some guys complain that" whatever they give her won't be right anyways!". Once someone made me a cabinet for all my cookbooks that was from old barn board wood. They worked for months on it and today I cherish it. I think Christmas has gotten far too commercialized and it loses something very special with today's emphasis /pressure on gifts. If it was me,I would probably treat myself to that bracelet at another time and just realize that hubby doesn't want to buy it as a gift himself for you..
2016-05-23 03:50:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having 35 people for dinner is very expensive and asking $15 per family is not unreasonable when you think that just one person eating out could easily pay $15.00 for their dinner. The issue I key into is that you mention that neither one of the Aunts has money problems. What does that have to do with anything! Just because they may have money does not mean they have to give charity to the rest of the family. I came into money through an inheritance from my deceased husband and I am constantly reminded that I can afford things. I've even been told to buy my mother-in-law a house! If you don't want to share your obligation to the family, then don't go. Don't expect a free ride because someone else can afford it.
2006-11-25 23:44:27 · answer #9 · answered by Blondie 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well look at it this way if you go anywhere else you would have to pay. I do not think it is wrong at all. Why should they have to foot the total bill themself?
My family has always done it where one or two select people host the party-order,buy,cook and prepare all the food. Have it in their house. Do all the work. But other people help chip in and offset the expenses by paying a little.
Now the way my family (which is VERY large by the way) does it is after everything is said and done they split the costs between each family. At gatherings where most people show up it is sometimes only $5.00 or so...there is no set price just whatever it happens to be so it is equal for most coming.
If your family has respect for eachother they should have no problem helping.
2006-11-25 23:32:41 · answer #10 · answered by foolnomore2games 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If I were asked to pay to come to dinner, I wouldn't come!
If it's a financial strain to host Christmas dinner, then why don't you do it potluck style. The aunt could furnish the meat and everyone else would bring a dish to pass. Don't worry about who's going to bring what, that's why they call it "pot luck".
If you don't like that idea, then I'd suggest that you either don't go, or you fork over the $15.00.
2006-11-25 23:35:33 · answer #11 · answered by grahamma 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋