How can I accept the woman my dad is going to marry when she was the woman he had an affair with?

Question

Basically my dad is going to marry the woman he had an affair with years ago that split my parents up. My dad has hardly ever invited her along whenever I'm around, and all I know of her is the woman who he had the affair with. She doesn't make an effort and I really don't like her. I don't understand why they are getting married now when they've been on and off for years. What do I do?

Answer 1

Nothing. Leave them to live their lives the way they want to. One day, you may also wish that others (including your children) did not worry too much about who you decide to go out with, provided your responsibility towards them is not undermined.

Answer 2

You must be really hurt and a bit confused. But whatever broke down between your mom and dad you will probably never get the full story from either sides. Some things just can't be explained away. Still, just be polite and civil and happy for you dad if he's happy. You don't have to declare your undying love for this woman and shame on her for not making more of an effort. It's truly her loss! Unfortunately its not up to you to decide whether or not they should get married. Look at it this way since you don't like her...its not YOUR mistake. All you can do is love both of your parents (your mom and your dad)and be happy that they have the partners they do as long as they make them happy. Life is way to short to try and change things you never will and make a point just for the sake of it even though you aren't happy about it. Choose your battles carefully. Some you can't change and just aren't worth the energy to fight even when you feel you are in the right. Just concentrate on the fact that each parent want nothing more for you and them to be happy.

Best of luck...

Answer 3

Sorry but not your decision. If your Dad had an affair with this woman then something was obviously wrong with his marriage to your Mum and they probably weren't meant to be together anyway. If he's chosen this woman as the person he wants to spend his life with then you must try to accept that. Unfortunately, things are never black and white.

How would you feel if your Dad decided that your partner was wrong for you? I don't think you'd be happy and would you really care what he thought?

Let your Dad's relationship run its course. It might be wonderful, it might end in divorce within 18 months. Either way the best thing you can do is love and support your Dad in whatever decision he makes and be there for him if it all blows up in his face.

Answer 4

What you need to think about is why your Dad had the affair........and that is usually because of being unhappy in the marriage. That he is now marrying the woman he had the affair with surely says that it was not a 'fling'. Your Dad would not have invited her along when you were around out of consideration to your feelings and your loyalty to your mother. You say she doesn't make and effort..........but do you? What you do depends on you.........but your Dad, think, would love it if you could find it in your heart, if not to like his bride, to at least me civil and meet them half way. That does not mean you are being disloyal to your Mum.

Answer 5

My beauty, you never mentioned your age. I bet you are in you mid teens. I understand you so well how disappointed you must be with your father, specially because this new woman was the reason of your parents' divorce. I bet you would like to tell your father to keep away from that woman who hurt your mother so much. My dear children were in the same situation as their dad is married today and they live together. Unfortunately not very happily as the new wife doesn't seem to accept my children so well. So far their dad hasn't taken any measures to split up and maybe he never will. All you can do I suppose is to tell your dad how disappointed and hurt you feel about the situation. Ask him what you would like and keep him aware of your feelings even if he doesn't follow your wishes.

Answer 6

Distance yourself from the situation. Your Dad is only a man trying to find his way in the world - and is bound to make mistakes along the way. We have no power or control over what other people choose to do - only over how we react. I would be calm and polite around them both - and let them make of the situation what they will. However, I would become more distanced from them - for example - not telephone so much - meet up - but on my terms, and probably on my home turf aswell. I would do this until you feel able to have a closer relationship with one or both, and who knows, you just might!
What has happened, has happened - there is no going back now - but think about yourself and your own emotional growth/development. In the years to come, you will feel better about yourself if you can look back and feel that you dealt with it maturely - even if the other people involved do not. Good luck.

Answer 7

I would accept that they are getting married and try to make an effort towards her, she may be thinking the same about you ... and may be waiting for you to make the first move ... give her a chance, she may be an okay lady ... and don't hold a grudge about the affair ... she wasn't the only one who had the affair and she didn't break up a marriage .. your dad had the affair too

Answer 8

Give it time and it will resolve itself. If he had an affair on your mother, think he will not have one on the new girl? Some other girl will come along and he'll probably do it again. Just tell him you don't approve of it and would rather live you your mother.
Tell him you don't agree with what he done to you and your mother.

It looks like the Dad is a boy and the son the man to me.

Remember, a MAN wants a long term relationship and family with ONE woman. A BOY wants to play with all the toys in the store.

Answer 9

I don't think you have to. And I think the woman your dad is going to marry is an idiot. Please tell her that Tamra from yahoo thinks she is a moron. Does she honestly believe he won't stray from her, sorry I know he is your father but honestly its clear that marriage means little to him and he's tired of being bothered by this girl so he says why not? I think you should tell your father that by him marrying this woman it is like a slap in the face to you, and the family you once had. He NEEDS to know and you deserve the right to tell him how you feel. He needs to stop thinking about himself and more about his children. I dont know how close you and your dad are now, but I'm not sure why he would think you would be ok with this. Sorry you had to go thru this, just remember to be upfront and honest you deserve that! Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 10

Wow - that must be tough on you and your mum.

You have no obligation to have a relationship with your new step-monster (LOL) - particularly if she can't be bothered to make an effort - which I have to say would really wind me up if I were you, given that she interfered in a marriage and one where there were children involved too.

However, it would be a shame if you let her come in between you and your Dad, so why not just concentrate on your relationship with him?

The relationship he and this woman had has already done enough to affect your family - don't let it cause any more damage.

Good luck :-)

Answer 11

You accept it, put on a brave face, try to be civil to her, and be there for your father if it all goes wrong, and he needs you. The role of a child is sometimes similar to the role of a parent. You have to let them make their own decisions, no matter how hard it is for you. Perhaps your father will come to his senses and see she is not the right woman for him, or perhaps she is the right woman for him. Either way, only time will tell. Just love him, you don't have to pretend you love her, but you can tollerate her for your fathers sake. Hopefully all will end well, even if it takes a few years for your father to figure it out. We all have to learn by our own mistakes