Y is it that other people's problems affect me?

Question

I come from a large family and it seemd that whenever there is a crisis, or even worse, someone makes a decision, it affects me directly. For instance I have a sister who always jumps back and forth with her decisions. Then she calls me and says something like"Im gonna need to stay at your house for a few months" I'm like How the heck did u figure that one out. Now its nopt like it's just her, she has two children as well. So as you can see, it's big stuff. It's usually the same sister, but if not her another family member. I'm really to the point where I want to move far away rom my family and cease contact with them because I think they are crazy. I work very hard to take care of my own 3 children and I try not to ask other's for anything because I realize that it's hard out here. So y do they keep coming to me?

Answer 1

Because you are the 'fixer' in the family. You take responsibility to make everything right for everyone, or give them what they need to make it right.
From one fixer to another, it sucks, but there it is LOL You could always STOP doing it. I did that and no one has asked me to 'fixit!' in a manner I haven't been able to turn down if I want to since.

Answer 2

Hi
Large families (and even small ones too) can have a huge impact on our mental health, both positive and negative.
Have you heard of something called "high expressed emotion"?If you put it in asearch engine you will find out a lot about it. It is basically about the way, at different levels, and with different family members, we feel pulled in certain direction or emotionally drained, or responsible/guilty etc.
You ask why your family keep coming to you? I suppose the answer is quite simple. BECAUSE YOU LET THEM! From what you have written it seems that you have a problem being assertive. Perhaps others have relied on you (in times of crisis)for so long that they instictively turn to you, without teally thinking about how it effect you.
I think you need to express how you feel to them. Set boundaries and protect yourself. If they love you they will understand. Those that try to carry on taking advantage only have their own selfish intersts at heart. In that case its a choice between pleasing them, at the expense of you and your own children or, putting you first?
I know which choice I would go for?
Michael

Answer 3

tell uf fam how u feel thell understand

Answer 4

you're too sensitive