What is the funniest joke you have ever told/heard?

Answer 1

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower.

The man realizes that he can’t find the rake. He yells up to his wife, “Where is the rake?” She can’t hear him and shouts back, “What?”

The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion.

The wife is not sure and says, “What?” and the man repeats his gestures.

The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairss and asks her “What in the friggin’ hell was that?”

She replies, “EYE- LEFT TIT - BEHIND -THE BUSH!”

Answer 2

Three wise men ...?
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their
new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had
told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed
done at their house.

He said that on the first day he didn't see any difference and
on the second day he didn't see any difference, but on the third day he came home to
a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had
given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the
cooking. He told them that on the first day he didn't see any results and on the second
day he didn't see any results, but on the third day, his house was clean, the dishes
were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Scottish girl. He boasted that he told her
that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,
laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said on the first day he
didn't see anything and on the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third
day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left
eye.

Answer 3

There was this tourist who was in new york, and asked from a dude in the street, where can he find sex, after all he has come to the city known for it`s sin city reputation

the dude started explaing: You go two blocks forward this street, you come to the corner of the small park, then you go accross the parkroad, and then you turn......gay ;)

Answer 4

Two guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking
for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking
for my wife, too, and I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What
does she look like?"

The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red
hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What
does your wife look like?"

To which the first old guy says, "Never mind; let's look for yours."

Answer 5

What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt em' down and make a F-in good year. lmao every time i hear or tell it. :)

Answer 6

ya mommas like a pool pump. all she does is suck and blow

yo mammas like a racecar. she burns 50 rubbers a day

yo mammas like a shotgun. 2 cocks and shes ready to blow.

Answer 7

my 3 year old came home with this: what did the farmer who lost his tractor say? "where's my tractor" i laughed it was so cute

Answer 8

too many which one i have to tell

Answer 9

What do you call a "blind Christian"?

A Roamin' Catholic.