I am horribly jealous with my boyfriend, even to the point where I slapped him acrossed the face. Any help??

Question

When I grew up, my mother was very competitive and extremely jealous of her own daughters. She used to even get mad when our own father would hug us girls, so dad would make the hugs "hurt" so mom wouldn't be jealous. Unfortunately, I have picked up the green eyed monster. If my ex-husband even looked in the direction of a pretty woman, I'd go ballistic. Now I am divorced, for other reasons, and I am carrying on the habit with my now boyfriend. I even slapped him acrossed the face when I accused him of being unfaithful because of my irrational jealousy. I was wondering if anyone out there has run across similar situations, and what was the best way that they got over their jealous feelings. I know in my head that jealousy really serves no purpose, and in fact can chase away the very person you are trying to desperately hold on to. If anyone has any good suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

I have the same problem and I am working on it. First, you need to apologize to your boyfriend for slapping him on the face, and tell him that you have a problem, and that you are working on it.
Now, you cannot get "cured" in one day, or even one month from something like this. Prepare for the long journey. The key is to become a rational thinker. You will have to undergo the whole thinking and behavior modification process. Fear is the greatest motivator of human behavior. Try to think what is that you scared of most. If the unbelievable happens and your boyfriend does commit the cheating, what the worst that can happen? How exactly is it going to affect you? Will you die from it? Will your life be over after it? Will your head fall off, your spine break, etc. Sorry for being so graphic, but really, what is that so tragic and awful that is going to happen to you? Nothing of that. If the cheating in fact will take place, you will be hurt for awhile and that get over it and move on with your life. You are not that jealous of your first husband now, see? You see, when you were a child you learned from your mom that something REALLY bad is going to happen to you when your spouse will commit the act of cheating. Children always learn by fear. They think they are going to die if things happen the wrong way. You have to first identify and then face your fears. NOTHING is going to happen to you or your life if you will be cheated on. In fact, your life will only improve from it because it will help you to get rid of the cheater.
Also you need to learn how to unconditionally love yourself. Once you see how totally sweet you are, you will realize how in the world your boyfriend can possibly cheat on you??? Not a chance! He is not stupid. He knows how exactly how lucky he is and there is no way he is ever going to jeopardize his future with you.
Everytime you are feeling jealous try to get away and breath in a paper bag for few minutes. Absolutely let your boyfriend know that you have this problem so he can be a help to you when you will need it. Also you can start going to gym daily and exercising, this will help big time.

Answer 2

Any help? Yes you need help. Go to anger management and get counseling.. He does not deserve to be abused by you or anyone else. How would you feel being accused of being unfaithful and then slapped across the face? You will never have a normal relationship if you do not get some help. Not only will you be abusive to your mate, but you will also be abusive your kids just like your mom was to you. Your boyfriend needs to get away from you as fast as he can run and stay away until you finish treatment. I have been there.

Answer 3

The best and most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is get proper counseling and seek the assistance of a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist. They have the ability to help you deal with the feelings you are experiencing. They are in the position to give you much needed assistance with problem solving techniques that you can master to effectively deal with your shortcomings. You should address this matter ASAP because you can learn a positive approach when such situations arise. If this is not resolved you are apt to continue this type of behavior which could drastically affect your life. Just remember this: No one is perfect and many who need a little help never seek it. It would be a terrible injustice to yourself not to pursue the matter.

Answer 4

Psychologist. You need therapy to get past the issues that you carry from your childhood. You aren't going to do well with any of your relationships until you do and I think you know that. Coming on here to ask for help was a good step forward, but you should look into professional help.

Answer 5

there is not any way the wear that fluctuate into finished against your son, could be repaired while it includes your "so called boyfriend". you probably did the the final option difficulty and could be smart previous degree to not have any greater touch with the abuser. And it would not count no count if it somewhat is barely one a handful of circumstances that he has spanked your son, it somewhat is one time too many! this is in basic terms a count of time formerly he could hotel to abusing you and your daughter. with the aid of telling your ex-husband you would be letting him understand which you place your toddlers above your desires. this could reason him to have super admire and admiration for you plus the extra benefit of him not having to hassle on the subject of the toddlers while you're interior the relationship scenes.

Answer 6

i used to be jealous of my girlfriend like that, but i never slapped her. i think different people trigger us differently. some people like to make us upset whereas others won't do things that upset us. our responsibility is if we are attracted to the ones that trigger us because we subconsciously want them to work out our issues with us or for us.

when i find myself repeating the same unhealthy ways over and over i take a break and get answers. i find a network like this one and get as many different viewpoints as possible and see if there is a pattern in the response. try different groups in life, church, clubs, the gym, work, business, and family. it's best if you look up to them and they don't know each other.

Answer 7

seperate youself from men for a second and get some time to focus on yourself, get sum counseling or just talk to sumone u trust. no offense but you probably have low self-esteem or sumthing of that nature. jealousy is a sin but i dont think it should be considered one unless u act apon it which is what your doing.
just chill out and realize thats just men in general when they see sumthin they like theryre gunna look wheter they mean to or not.

Every mistake is a lesson with a blessing learn from while you can.-Jinxy

Answer 8

Wow, sounds like me. I hate that I picked up the one bad trait that I despised in my mother. If I had the answer I'd tell you, maybe someone else out there knows. Good luck.

Answer 9

well try to believe him when he tells you something and let it alone or ask him to call if maybe he is going to be late getting home or wherever try asking him how he feels about you and see if that will ease your mind any, that same monster gets me once in a while and i just find a way to get a little reassurance from my husband, then i am fine and in our case he will say i love you and i ask promise and he says promise and gives me a wink, smile, and kiss

Answer 10

You really need professional counseling, not the answers you will get here. You can go to jail for slapping someone. It's called Criminal Domestic Violence.