My fiance and I are planning and paying for our wedding ourselves. Because we are on a tight budget, we are planning to go out to dinner after our wedding and small "cake and punch" reception. We want everyone to know that they are welcome to join us - but on seperate tabs. How can we go about making it known to everyone that we'd love the company, but dinner is "Dutch Treat?" It seems most people don't know what "going Dutch" means anymore, and we want to be clear, but not tacky or rude. I can't find anything about it on any of the "Etiquette" websites.
2006-11-25 15:53:27 · 7 answers · asked by cinren13 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This is a small wedding - less than 50 people, and the wedding is at 3 in the afternoon. We don't intend on printing anything about dinner on the invitations. Going out to dinner is just that - dinner, not a reception. I would like to think that my family and friends would want to be welcomed at dinner even if they were paying for their own way. The thing is, I know once people find out we are going they are going to want to come too, and I'm just trying to be proactive to eliminate any problems. Does that make sense?
2006-11-25 16:33:43 · update #1
Took your advice and checked out theknot.com. I feel this fits under the "After Party" umbrella and according to "theknot" the "lets-meet-at-the-bar" route allows for people to pay their own way. What do you think?
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=A61117160621
2006-11-25 17:30:18 · update #2
Etiquette wise, your wedding requires no treat. If your wedding is at 3 in the afternoon, that would make your reception start at about 3:30 or 4:00. This is not a time that people usually eat dinner, so a cake and punch reception would suffice. No one should be expecting a full meal at 4:00. If you guys party and mingle until about 6:00, then that's just in time for everyone to get home before dinner time.
2006-11-26 19:49:32 · answer #1 · answered by MDeezy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dutch Etiquette
2016-11-02 23:08:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no proper way to do what you suggest. When you invite, you pay. You could spread the word throough the grapevine that you will be at "such and such" restaurant after the wedding without actually inviting anyone. Just do not send invitations asking your guests to pay.
The best thing to do is to host the reception you can afford. You can do this on a budget - you just have to do a lot of planning and researching but it can be done. Champagne and cake receptiond or finger foods is a great way to cut costs. Limit your guest list too.
2006-11-26 09:13:20 · answer #3 · answered by weddingqueen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could try this: tell you best friend where you are going and have your fiance tell his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend. Maybe word of mouth will take care of the rest. Kind of a "Wow did you hear that so and so are going to Blank restaurant for dinner after they get married. Wouldn't it be fun to have diner there that night too?"
Otherwise there is no polite way to say "hey let's all go have dinner but your paying for your own meal"
I think a nice romantic private meal after all the hectic stuff from the day is over is nice idea. Are you sure you want people interrupting your meal?
2006-11-25 17:29:10 · answer #4 · answered by Jane S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At wedding dutch treats aren't acceptable like the money tree,dance or cash bar.Most people see a dutch treat as rude and tacky and the brides and grooms way of not forking out alot of cash.The best idea is not to do this at all.If you ask a wedding expert on ettiquette they will telll you it isn't acceptable try theknot.com
2006-11-25 16:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by movin12006 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bad, bad bad idea. You and your fiance have a great idea about having a cake and punch reception if you cannot afford to serve food at the reception, but please do not go out to dinner and ask that your guest pay for their own dinner. You and your fiance can eat before the ceremony, and have a reception after dinner hours, so your guests can do the same. Asking your guests to go dutch is tacky tacky tacky. Don't do it! A simple, but elegant cake and punch ceremony is a wonderful idea, but leave the dinner out of it.
2006-11-25 16:11:41 · answer #6 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's really a tough one...because traditionally the wedding couple or their parents pays for any reception after the wedding. Maybe make it less formal by waiting until you are at the little reception and just kind of last minute say something like "We have decided to go out to dinner, would anyone like to meet us there?" Or maybe best if you and your new husband just go out for a special dinner, just the two of you.
2006-11-25 15:59:45 · answer #7 · answered by mysterymardi 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
Etiquette on "Dutch Treat"?
My fiance and I are planning and paying for our wedding ourselves. Because we are on a tight budget, we are planning to go out to dinner after our wedding and small "cake and punch" reception. We want everyone to know that they are welcome to join us - but on seperate tabs. How can we...
2015-08-12 18:58:39 · answer #8 · answered by Jefferey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your actual invitations should only refer to the cake and punch reception, since that's what you're hosting. (Kudos to you, by the way, for sticking to your budget and not having a wedding you can't afford!)
While at the reception, if you'd like to mention that you're going to dinner at Such-and-Such Restaurant, you can. Let people know that they're welcome to join you. But don't suggest on your invitations or in conversation that the dinner is part of the wedding celebration.
2006-11-25 16:27:43 · answer #9 · answered by psych_donkey 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
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2016-04-08 14:24:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋